When You Fail To Love, You Lose

By Jean Cheng

27 Oct


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Ephesians 4:7-16

Each one of us has been given his own share of grace, given as Christ allotted it. It was said that he would:

When he ascended to the height, he captured prisoners,
he gave gifts to men.

When it says, ‘he ascended’, what can it mean if not that he descended right down to the lower regions of the earth? The one who rose higher than all the heavens to fill all things is none other than the one who descended. And to some, his gift was that they should be apostles; to some, prophets; to some, evangelists; to some, pastors and teachers; so that the saints together make a unity in the work of service, building up the body of Christ. In this way we are all to come to unity in our faith and in our knowledge of the Son of God, until we become the perfect Man, fully mature with the fullness of Christ himself.

Then we shall not be children any longer, or tossed one way and another and carried along by every wind of doctrine, at the mercy of all the tricks men play and their cleverness in practising deceit. If we live by the truth and in love, we shall grow in all ways into Christ, who is the head by whom the whole body is fitted and joined together, every joint adding its own strength, for each separate part to work according to its function. So the body grows until it has built itself up, in love.


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Luke 13:1-9

Some people arrived and told Jesus about the Galileans whose blood Pilate had mingled with that of their sacrifices. At this he said to them, ‘Do you suppose these Galileans who suffered like that were greater sinners than any other Galileans? They were not, I tell you. No; but unless you repent you will all perish as they did. Or those eighteen on whom the tower at Siloam fell and killed them? Do you suppose that they were more guilty than all the other people living in Jerusalem? They were not, I tell you. No; but unless you repent you will all perish as they did.’

He told this parable: ‘A man had a fig tree planted in his vineyard, and he came looking for fruit on it but found none. He said to the man who looked after the vineyard, “Look here, for three years now I have been coming to look for fruit on this fig tree and finding none. Cut it down: why should it be taking up the ground?” “Sir,” the man replied “leave it one more year and give me time to dig round it and manure it: it may bear fruit next year; if not, then you can cut it down.”’


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It may bear fruit next year; if not, then you can cut it down

The verse above has and continues to scare me. I am often worried that I am not growing fast enough (not in height, those days are over) and therefore often beat myself up when I feel that I have fallen short, pushing myself more and more to grow. I engage in this vicious cycle until I find myself stressed, resentful, tired, and hopeless that I can never catch up and be “fast enough”. I do not think such impatience is what Jesus advocates. He is a God of love and love is patient. Jesus knows that a seed takes time to grow into a tree. He knows that a baby takes time to learn to walk and speak. We are often the ones who forget that we are still babies in so many areas of our lives and will take time to overcome old habits, learn new skills, etc.

Nevertheless, while love is patient and therefore allows the natural timing for growth to happen, ultimately, there must be growth. If there is no growth, the purpose for that particular entity is lost. What do we do with our laptops that no longer fulfill their purpose in letting us work on them or watch entertainment on them? What do we do when certain medications no longer produce the effect that they were made for? We let them go. “If the salt loses its saltiness, how can it be made salty again? It is no longer good for anything, except to be thrown out and trampled by men” (Matthew 5:13).

Everything must have a purpose behind its existence. Without this, they are pointless and redundant. What then is the purpose of our lives? I believe that the purpose of our lives is love. Specifically, the purpose of our lives is to know (and experience) the love of our Creator and Father, as well as to share this love with those around us.

The ways in which we are called to share that love differs from person to person. We are all called to pass the same message but in different ways: some as prophets, others as teachers; some as fathers, others as mothers; some as singles, others as spouses. We are not called to do everything and play every role to everyone. We are called to spread God’s love in the roles we have been assigned to. What we cannot do, God will assign someone else.

This then begs the question, how do we know what we have been assigned to? I believe that wherever we are in life is what we have been assigned to. If we are married, we are called to love in our marriage. If we are single, we are called to love and testify His love in our present singlehood. If we are a student, we are called to love in our diligence in studying. If we are a dancer, we are called to love through our dancing. In all that we do, in our present states in life, we are called to love all that we are doing. Whatever we fail to love, we are actually saying we do not want it in our lives, and our wishes might at times be regretfully answered.

So what is it that you love and do not want removed in your life? Pray for God to help you to love that right now, today, and every day. Remember as well that love is patient – so be gentle on yourself as you grow to love in that area of your life.

(Today’s OXYGEN by Jean Cheng)


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Prayer: Tell God what you do not want to lose and want to love better. For me, Lord, I do not want to lose the people I often take for granted (those who are most patient with me). I do not want to lose my analytical thinking and writing skills. Help me to work on loving all of these better and bear fruit. Amen.

Thanksgiving: Thank You Jesus for protecting us from ourselves by reminding us of the natural consequences of carrying on in particular ways.

Dealing With Difficult People

By Jean Cheng

26 Oct


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Ephesians 4:1-6

I, the prisoner in the Lord, implore you to lead a life worthy of your vocation. Bear with one another charitably, in complete selflessness, gentleness and patience. Do all you can to preserve the unity of the Spirit by the peace that binds you together. There is one Body, one Spirit, just as you were all called into one and the same hope when you were called. There is one Lord, one faith, one baptism, and one God who is Father of all, over all, through all and within all.


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Luke 12:54-59

Jesus said to the crowds, ‘When you see a cloud looming up in the west you say at once that rain is coming, and so it does. And when the wind is from the south you say it will be hot, and it is. Hypocrites! You know how to interpret the face of the earth and the sky. How is it you do not know how to interpret these times?

‘Why not judge for yourselves what is right? For example: when you go to court with your opponent, try to settle with him on the way, or he may drag you before the judge and the judge hand you over to the bailiff and the bailiff have you thrown into prison. I tell you, you will not get out till you have paid the very last penny.’


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Bear with one another charitably, in complete selflessness, gentleness and patience

Are there people you find difficult to be around? People who you wish would not be in your office, clique, church community, and for some, even family? People whom you cannot help but feel that they owe you so many apologies for the wrong they have done to you? People whom you cannot help but feel your heart cringe when you are around them?

There are some people like that in my life. These are the ones whom I cannot help but feel that my health would be so much better if they ceased to exist. Yet, I cannot make them disappear. When faced with such situations, I have learnt that the best thing to do is to do as Mother Mary often did: ponder and pray.

Ponder the reason why God has allowed you some individuals in your life. Are they really there to make your life hard or is it an opportunity for you to love not just those who are easy to love but also those who are difficult to? Ponder why God doesn’t give us ‘perfection’ in our social circles/families/work committees etc. Why are there always conflicts to resolve? Could it be that He wants to show us that we are bigger than the situations we are in? Specifically, we do not have to wait until situations are perfect before we act. We can still do something in the midst of the chaos. Perhaps He wants to show us how strong and resilient He has made us to be, that we are greater than the situations we find ourselves in.

While pondering, keep praying. On our own, we would most likely take the easy route and simply eliminate anything that disturbs us. However, if God took had our sinful mindsets, He would have destroyed us many times.  Yet, He continued to wait. He created us and knew the good that He had imprinted deep within us. No matter what we have done or what we will continue to do, that good deep within us remains. He waits because He knows that everything takes time to grow. Seeds take time to grow into trees. So too do we take time to grow in our goodness. So too will others take time to grow in their goodness. Pray so that we can see them as God sees us.

Jesus’ last prayer was, ‘I pray that they will all be one, just as You and I are one’ (John 17: 21). The best way we can love others is care for what they care about.  The best way we can love the One who loves us is to care about what He cares for – unity with our brothers and sisters. If we cannot “fall in love” with our these individuals immediately, let us start small. Just as a tree started as a seed, so too let us have faith that our small actions of not cursing another, not gossiping, not arguing back, being silent, praying for the other, and so forth, will continue to help us to grow in our ability to love. One way that I have found helpful in forgiving and continuing to love those who hurt me is to “accept the apology I never received”.

Perhaps God has allowed these people in our lives so that we truly grow in becoming more like our Creator and Father.

(Today’s OXYGEN by Jean Cheng)


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Prayer: Lord Jesus, I don’t like dealing with _______  (insert the name of someone you struggle with) in my life. But I know You love them as much as You love me. Help me to see that in loving them in my small ways, I am blessing You and loving You.

Thanksgiving: We give thanks to those who have patiently and at times painfully waited for us. In particular, I give thanks for my mum today.

Fill Me Again

By Jean Cheng

25 Oct


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Ephesians 3:14-21

This is what I pray, kneeling before the Father, from whom every family, whether spiritual or natural, takes its name:

Out of his infinite glory, may he give you the power through his Spirit for your hidden self to grow strong, so that Christ may live in your hearts through faith, and then, planted in love and built on love, you will with all the saints have strength to grasp the breadth and the length, the height and the depth; until, knowing the love of Christ, which is beyond all knowledge, you are filled with the utter fullness of God.

Glory be to him whose power, working in us, can do infinitely more than we can ask or imagine; glory be to him from generation to generation in the Church and in Christ Jesus for ever and ever. Amen.


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Luke 12:49-53

Jesus said to his disciples: ‘I have come to bring fire to the earth, and how I wish it were blazing already! There is a baptism I must still receive, and how great is my distress till it is over!

‘Do you suppose that I am here to bring peace on earth? No, I tell you, but rather division. For from now on a household of five will be divided: three against two and two against three; the father divided against the son, son against father, mother against daughter, daughter against mother, mother-in-law against daughter-in-law, daughter-in-law against mother-in-law.’


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Filled with utter fullness of God

In the recent weeks, I have felt quite distant from God. I have prayed every day; hence, it frustrated me that I continued to feel distant despite spending time with Him. Nevertheless, I was aware that each time I prayed, I would go through a whole list of desires and worries I had, asking God to help. I would then end the prayer and wait for God to show me that He is God by answering my prayers. I noticed, however, that even with one worry after another lifted, I would only be briefly relieved and happy, and then I would go onto worry and fret over the remaining items on my list, perhaps even adding a few more to the list.

The verse above grips me because to be filled in complete fullness and reverence of God is something I truly desire. Somehow whenever I have been filled completely by God, it no longer matters if my life goes through a crisis; all the pain and worries are nothing compared to the peace and joy I feel knowing that I have my God and He is enough for me. I am still able to dance, be happy, be excited about life, regardless of the situation. I no longer worry about what people think of me, if my work would lead me somewhere in life, or if people leave me. Of course, I do not wish such outcomes upon myself, but I know that even if they happen, I would still be happy because I have God.

How is it that I seem to have lost that? How is it that God is no longer enough for me? Why can I no longer surrender my desires to Him, allowing Him to take care of me in His way, in His time – independent of the outcome?

A friend of mine once took a cup, turned it upside down, and said that he wanted to be like the cup: empty so that he could be filled by God again. I find myself holding onto my cup of life, struggling to turn it upside down. I don’t want to lose the little I have inside. I still want to have certain outcomes in my life.

Yet I know that even if I had everything I wanted in life, I would not be happy. Nothing and nobody would be able to fill a gap in my heart – only God can. On the contrary, even if I never attain all that I desire in life, God can and will fill the gaps in those areas and allow me to still have a life that is complete, perfect, meaningful, and purposeful. I need to choose again – to relentlessly and compulsively gear my life in the direction of the outcomes I want, or to simply sit with Jesus and allow Him to mold my future with His loving hands.

(Today’s OXYGEN by Jean Cheng)


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Prayer: Jesus, I want to be filled by You completely again. I am scared but what would I be even if I had everything in life but did not have You? Take me home to you again, and help me to live for You alone.

Thanksgiving: Thank You Jesus for waiting for me. Thank You for loving me.

Someone Else Can Do It Better

By Jean Cheng

24 Oct


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Ephesians 3:2-12

You have probably heard how I have been entrusted by God with the grace he meant for you, and that it was by a revelation that I was given the knowledge of the mystery, as I have just described it very shortly. If you read my word you will have some idea of the depths that I see in the mystery of Christ. This that has now been revealed through the Spirit to his holy apostles and prophets was unknown to any men in past generations; it means that pagans now share the same inheritance, that they are parts of the same body, and that the same promise has been made to them, in Jesus Christ, through the gospel. I have been made the servant of that gospel by a gift of grace from God who gave it to me by his own power. I, who am less than the least of all the saints have been entrusted with this special grace, not only of proclaiming to the pagans the infinite treasure of Christ but also of explaining how the mystery is to be dispensed. Through all the ages, this has been kept hidden in God, the creator of everything. Why? So that the Sovereignties and Powers should learn only now, through the Church, how comprehensive God’s wisdom really is, exactly according to the plan which he had had from all eternity in Christ Jesus our Lord. This is why we are bold enough to approach God in complete confidence, through our faith in him.

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Luke 12:39-48

Jesus said to his disciples:

‘You may be quite sure of this, that if the householder had known at what hour the burglar would come, he would not have let anyone break through the wall of his house. You too must stand ready, because the Son of Man is coming at an hour you do not expect.’

Peter said, ‘Lord, do you mean this parable for us, or for everyone?’ The Lord replied, ‘What sort of steward, then, is faithful and wise enough for the master to place him over his household to give them their allowance of food at the proper time? Happy that servant if his master’s arrival finds him at this employment. I tell you truly, he will place him over everything he owns. But as for the servant who says to himself, “My master is taking his time coming,” and sets about beating the menservants and the maids, and eating and drinking and getting drunk, his master will come on a day he does not expect and at an hour he does not know. The master will cut him off and send him to the same fate as the unfaithful.

The servant who knows what his master wants, but has not even started to carry out those wishes, will receive very many strokes of the lash. The one who did not know, but deserves to be beaten for what he has done, will receive fewer strokes. When a man has had a great deal given him, a great deal will be demanded of him; when a man has had a great deal given him on trust, even more will be expected of him.’


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I have been entrusted with this special grace

St Paul is a man who was very focused on his mission. He was clear that his mission was to proclaim the Good News and bring salvation to those who did not know God. He never wasted any time but set forth on his mission. In almost every letter he writes in the bible, you can feel his passion, his clarity, his focus. Not once did he ever doubt his mission (at least based on what was recorded in the bible), not once did he consider himself “too small” or “not good enough” to carry out his mission. Some might think that it is because St Paul was ignorant of his weaknesses. I think, however, that St Paul was fully aware of his weaknesses for he begged the Lord to remove his weakness from him (2 Corinthians 12: 7-10). He also was aware that there were others who were possibly of better caliber than himself to carry out the mission (Ephesians 3: 8).

Yet, St Paul remained successful in his mission because he did not look to himself for answers, but he repeatedly trusted in the grace of God. Where he despised his weakness, he trusted that God would be most glorified in his weakness. Where he felt others were greater than him in holiness, he was the one who was nevertheless called to this mission, not them. I believe there is much I can learn from St Paul.

Unlike St Paul, I often waste too much time doubting my calling in various areas of life. Often I think to myself that someone else would be able to do my thesis-which-never-seems-to-end better than I. Sometimes, I think I am not “good enough” to love various people who are difficult to love. Well, maybe I am right. Regardless, just like how others might be more qualified than St Paul, it was St Paul who was chosen for the mission. Similarly, even if others might be able to love more or to write my thesis better than I, it is I who have been called to do this.

Will I continue to waste time doubting my calling, feeling more miserable in life through this process? Or will I learn from St Paul to be aware of my weaknesses (e.g., my lack of love on occasions etc) and still continue to trust in the power of God who will make up for what I lack?

(Today’s OXYGEN by Jean Cheng)


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Prayer: Lord, I want to be focused on what You have called me to in my life. I entrust all my doubts, fears, and inadequacies to You. I know that You can make up for what I lack. Help me to not let what I can’t do stop me from doing what I can. Amen.

Thanksgiving: Thank you St Paul for your focus on Jesus and the mission He called you to. Please pray for me to be focused on Jesus and the mission He has called me to.

I Prefer to Receive

By Jean Cheng

23 Oct


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Ephesians 2:12-22

Do not forget that you had no Christ and were excluded from membership of Israel, aliens with no part in the covenants with their Promise; you were immersed in this world, without hope and without God. But now in Christ Jesus, you that used to be so far apart from us have been brought very close, by the blood of Christ. For he is the peace between us, and has made the two into one and broken down the barrier which used to keep them apart, actually destroying in his own person the hostility caused by the rules and decrees of the Law. This was to create one single New Man in himself out of the two of them and by restoring peace through the cross, to unite them both in a single Body and reconcile them with God: in his own person he killed the hostility. Later he came to bring the good news of peace, peace to you who were far away and peace to those who were near at hand. Through him, both of us have in the one Spirit our way to come to the Father.

So you are no longer aliens or foreign visitors: you are citizens like all the saints, and part of God’s household. You are part of a building that has the apostles and prophets for its foundations, and Christ Jesus himself for its main cornerstone. As every structure is aligned on him, all grow into one holy temple in the Lord; and you too, in him, are being built into a house where God lives, in the Spirit.


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Security

By Jean Cheng

22 Oct

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Ephesians 2:1-10

You were dead through the crimes and the sins in which you used to live when you were following the way of this world, obeying the ruler who governs the air, the spirit who is at work in the rebellious. We all were among them too in the past, living sensual lives, ruled entirely by our own physical desires and our own ideas; so that by nature we were as much under God’s anger as the rest of the world. But God loved us with so much love that he was generous with his mercy: when we were dead through our sins, he brought us to life with Christ – it is through grace that you have been saved – and raised us up with him and gave us a place with him in heaven, in Christ Jesus.

This was to show for all ages to come, through his goodness towards us in Christ Jesus, how infinitely rich he is in grace. Because it is by grace that you have been saved, through faith; not by anything of your own, but by a gift from God; not by anything that you have done, so that nobody can claim the credit. We are God’s work of art, created in Christ Jesus to live the good life as from the beginning he had meant us to live it.

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My Life Should Not Be This Way

Hi STAY peeps!

I write for an online daily reflections website called OXYGEN, where each day the daily mass readings is reflected upon by a writer. This week is my turn to write; hence thought I'd share my reflections with you guys on this blog for the week. Yup, you have no choice but to see my reflections here. Haha.

God bless,
Jean


21 Oct – Twenty-Ninth Sunday of Ordinary Time

Christ The Suffering Servant Of God

Today we celebrate the Christ who gives meaning to all human suffering. By taking on himself the role of a servant and redeeming us by his sufferings, he has turned all our human values upside down. It is the weak who have become strong.

- The Sunday Missal

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Isaiah 53:10-11

The Lord has been pleased to crush his servant with suffering.
If he offers his life in atonement,
he shall see his heirs, he shall have a long life
and through him what the Lord wishes will be done.

His soul’s anguish over,
he shall see the light and be content.
By his sufferings shall my servant justify many,
taking their faults on himself.


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Hebrews 4:14-16

Since in Jesus, the Son of God, we have the supreme high priest who has gone through to the highest heaven, we must never let go of the faith that we have professed. For it is not as if we had a high priest who was incapable of feeling our weaknesses with us; but we have one who has been tempted in every way that we are, though he is without sin. Let us be confident, then, in approaching the throne of grace, that we shall have mercy from him and find grace when we are in need of help.


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Mark 10:35-45

James and John, the sons of Zebedee, approached Jesus. ‘Master,’ they said to him ‘we want you to do us a favour.’ He said to them, ‘What is it you want me to do for you?’ They said to him, ‘Allow us to sit one at your right hand and the other at your left in your glory.’ ‘You do not know what you are asking’ Jesus said to them. ‘Can you drink the cup that I must drink, or be baptised with the baptism with which I must be baptised?’ They replied, ‘We can.’ Jesus said to them, ‘The cup that I must drink you shall drink, and with the baptism with which I must be baptised you shall be baptised, but as for seats at my right hand or my left, these are not mine to grant; they belong to those to whom they have been allotted.’

When the other ten heard this they began to feel indignant with James and John, so Jesus called them to him and said to them, ‘You know that among the pagans their so-called rulers lord it over them, and their great men make their authority felt. This is not to happen among you. No; anyone who wants to become great among you must be your servant, and anyone who wants to be first among you must be slave to all. For the Son of Man himself did not come to be served but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.’


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We have one who has been tempted in every way that we are… find grace when we are in need of help

One of the most recurrent temptations I face is to reject my present state of life, my present challenges/crosses/circumstances. To say, ‘This is not the way my life should be’. Whenever I say that, I find myself getting angry at my life and the way things have turned out. I dupe myself into thinking that my life ‘should be’ easier (e.g., my assignments ‘should be’ easier to write, thoughts ‘should’ flow naturally and easily onto the piece of paper). As a result, I often feel I ‘should be’ somewhere else, feel cheated that life has turned out the way it is – ordinary, challenging, boring at times, and more difficult than I desire.

Today’s second reading writes that Jesus has been tempted in EVERY way that we are. Could Jesus have thoughts that as the Son of God, people ‘should’ respect and listen to Him? Could He have thoughts that He ‘should not’ have to trouble Himself with ordinary chores (e.g., helping His mother with the housework), and that He ‘should’ feel more excited and pumped up about each day?

Like me, could Jesus have had thoughts that His life ‘should’ not be so hard?

Yes, I believe that Jesus did have such thoughts. I believe He was tempted to reject each day as it presented itself, feeling that He should be elsewhere having a good time. I believe that Jesus was tempted to reject the daily crosses of struggles, hardship, and suffering. These daily crosses need not appear in the form of a dramatic suffering. Daily suffering instead involves familiar struggles such as accepting boring aspects of the day, accepting that others will demand our time of rest and leisure from us, having to reconcile with those whom we are unhappy with, as well as humbly realizing that we need to work hard and learn on our jobs rather than having everything ‘flow instantaneously’.

The more we reject our state of life, the more time we have lost in appreciating and celebrating that day of life as it presents itself – ordinary moments with family members, friends or colleagues, developing childlike humility in embracing that we will not be good at everything immediately but we will not stop learning, as well as the opportunity to develop our character each time we enter into our pains and struggles rather than avoid them.

On our own, it is impossible to change these old ways of thinking. In fact, on my own, I don’t even want to change! But because we have a living God, there is every reason to hope that He will help us to better embrace and celebrate our lives – the ups and the downs – and thereby enable us to appreciate the gift of our lives fully.

(Today’s OXYGEN by Jean Cheng)


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Prayer: Lord Jesus, I find it so hard to let go of this way of thinking, that my life should be different from what it presently is. On my own, it is impossible to overcome this. But I come to You in hope that You will grant me Your graces to help me to start to embrace each day of life as a gift – just the way it is. Amen.

Thanksgiving: Thank You Jesus, for responding to my prayer for help every time I cry out to You.

My First 10km Marathon Run

By Jean Cheng

I ran my first Marathon 10km event yesterday at the Melbourne Marathon 2012.
For years, I have said that I wanted to participate in such an event.
For years, it was all talk and no action.
With the encouragement and invitation of a few friends,
I finally signed up for it before I could change my mind.
I made a financial commitment and there was no turning back.
(For us Singaporeans, once we pay for something, we will not want to 'waste' our money. Heh.)

So I woke up at 6am.
Actually, I hardly slept.
I was pretty grumpy and tired.
It certainly didn't help that there were no trams and no cabs wanted to take me to Rod Laver Arena.
Time was running out and the only option was for me to run.
Run to my marathon?!!
For a moment I contemplated just going back home to sleep.
But I had already woken up,
I didn't want to just turn back now.
So I ran.

By the time I arrived at the place, it was just a few minutes before the marathon would begin.
The moment I saw the crowd,
I felt a sense that I was no longer alone.
Many others had also waken up early,
Also ran to the venue,
And we were all there for one purpose - to run.
All the morning irritation dissipated instantly and in its place was a deep sense of joy.
A joy of being in communion with many others who were sharing the same experience as me.
A joy of finally doing this.

The starting line broke and we started running.
Gosh, shortly into the run,
The voices in my head started telling me that I was too tired,
That everyone was overtaking me,
That I was too slow,
That I should just give up.
I wanted to give up.
But there was one persistent quiet voice beneath the screaming voices...
A voice that said, 'I don't stop when I'm tired, I stop when I am done'.
For the whole run,
I had to keep listening to that voice,
Chanting that same line over and over again.
I realised that the pain I was experiencing was more from the noise in my head than my body.

As I ran past people watching us, taking photos of us, cheering us on,
I was just so happy that I was no longer standing on the sides - I was participating.
I felt the breeze as I ran freely,
I saw a father running with his son and turning every now and then to make sure that his son was next to him,
I saw others determined to keep going.
When I finally ran past the finish line,
All the pain disappeared and all I felt was pure joy.
PURE JOY.
Such that if anyone asked me what it was like,
All I can say is "it was fun!!"
This reminds me of a pregnant woman in labour.
Once her baby is out, she forgets the anguish she experienced for the many hours she agonised.
This reminds me of the truth of the words,
'You will be sorrowful, but your sorrow will turn to joy' (John 16:20).

This marathon has taught me much.
It has given me the mantra-antidote to my thesis-writing anguish (i.e., do not stop until I am done, regardless of the thoughts that try to weaken my will and confidence)
It has reminded me how important it is to keep going because the joy at the end of the tunnel is worth every tear shed.
It has told me that I CAN - and sometimes, you need to run to the end so that you don't just believe in the word, but you believe because the word just turned into flesh.

Because of Me

By Jack Chui

I'm currently half way through a short holiday to Malaysia primarily to witness my close second cousin get married. I didn't really need a holiday as the last one wasn't too far away but I make my best attempt to be at my cousins weddings while I have the time and flexibility to do so. This is the first time I'm travelling alone to Malaysia and the furthest I've travelled to for a wedding. And its not a first cousin whom by natural law I'm closer to but for my dear second cousin.

However, this post is not going to be about how I would go through so much 'trouble' for seemingly 'less significant' people.

Rather, one of the highlights of the short trip was being able to have lunch with my grandparents. Before the trip I wasn't planning on seeing my grandparents as disrespectful as that sounds mainly because its hard for us to communicate. I can only speak English (there's apparently a special place in hell for Chinese people like me who can't speak Chinese... =P) and they can only speak Chinese. My grandfathers English is actually OK, but only good for a very shallow short conversation. Seeing them at the wedding would be good enough I thought.

My good uncle who picked me up from the airport had more honourable plans for me though and actually arranged a lunch for me and my grandparents. I wasn't too apprehensive about the event and my uncle assured me that he would help translate if needed. The lunch went well and my grandparents were happy to just see me. I was too happy to see them. The conversation wasn't too bad as my grandfathers younger brother also came so they had some more interesting people to talk once I ran out of things to say.

What touches me most though wasn't what happened over lunch, but more that they wanted to come to lunch. My uncle who isn't even their son, had been trying many times to bring my grandparents out for lunch being the very openly hospitable family man that he is but most times they would say no. My grandmother has great difficulty traveling anything but the shortest of distances and so the usual answer to event outside their farm house is no. But this time they said yes. It may have been because I had just travelled a long way just to see them and they felt bad. We don't know each other that well to my knowledge because its hard to talk to them. What we know each other is mostly what my parents tell them/me of each other.

But I think its because I'm their grandson. There's not really any other good reason why they would agree to a lunch if it weren't for that reason. I did not have to do anything - even talk to them over the several times in my life that I've happened to meet them. It was not really learnt at all. I did not really deserve such an honour either given that I hardly tried learning Chinese to be able to at least say something to them. It reminds me of the love God has for me - that I did not have to do all things good or few things bad to gain His love. Because I'm His adopted son, I am already loved. I am loved for who I am, not for what I do.

I sometimes struggle to see this love in my life - keeping myself busy with ministry to make sure I 'justify' my existence. I thank God for reminding me of His love for me through my grandparents. Please pray for me that I can hold onto this truth more in my life.

Detention Centre Outreach Reflection

By Jessica and Norman

Going to the refugee centre brings us bitter sweet memories.

Bitter because it is sad to hear the hardships and sacrifices made by the refugees to find a better life for themselves. The 20+ days survived in appalling conditions makes us realise how lucky we are and teaches us to appreciate the finer things in life. We often take things for granted and feel unlucky as soon as a bad situation hits us. But hearing our brothers in the refugee centre make us realise how blessed we are. Many times we lose hope for a small hurdle in our lives, but the refugees live their life full of hope for a brighter day, even with worse life experiences (and possibilities of risking their life).

The sweet memories we had was seeing their faces when we visit them. They wait anxiously for us to talk and just hear them out. We feel grateful that we can be there and make them happy just by being ourselves. The happy expression on their faces, makes us want to be there for them even more. It feels good to let them know that someone outside cares for them as well.

We praise God for this opportunity He has given us to open our hearts to others, always have hope and appreciate all the blessings God has poured and continues to pour on us.

Heart for God

By Jack Chui

Last week I was invited by my friend and 'irregular' STAY member (though regular parishioner) to help her sing at mass last Sunday morning. It was the 5th Sunday of the month and so sometimes there is no scheduled music group to serve at mass. My friend loves our parish a lot and even though she's not part of any choir or music group, she felt called to do something for the church, even though she didn't have to. St. Augustine's can still provide a mass without music though it would be strange because it is known for its charismatic style music.

I'm no stranger to volunteering and I have volunteered on several occasions to help Jean out with her music team during Sunday mass. I thought about the offer for a little bit and although I would lean towards just attending mass, I didn't have any good reasons not to help my friend out in this ambitious task - so I said yes.

My friend is by no means a trained musician or singer. She's observed the music groups over many years as she always sits at the front of the church nearest to wear the musicians play but for her to lead a music group/ministry would just require sheer guts, which comes from loving God and His church. Through God's providence, she managed to gather a pianist and some other singers and (by the high music standards of our church) managed to bumble through the mass without destroying it (ok that was a bit harsh and overly dramatic). Like me, my friend knew it was not about achieving success, but about being faithful.

The crowd knew that we were a makeshift group of stragglers brought together at the last minute to provide some praise and worship in mass so we knew that expectations were not very high. We only practised the songs for half an hour before the mass after struggling to get all the sophisticated audio equipment working. To me, my friend pulled off something she had never done before with a bunch of mostly strangers and little music leadership experience if at all. She herself was by no means the best placed to lead the music group but what mattered more was that she had the biggest heart to serve God.

My friend really humbles me. Perhaps my biggest weakness as a child of God is my pride. I pride myself of my capabilities to do many things around the church and even to step up and do things which I haven't done before. I only realise recently after reading reflections that my pride extends spiritually, where I think I am better than others because I know God, I go to church, I'm active in ministry, I lead ministries etc. But God took someone who I think is 'lesser' than me to do something which I'm not courageous enough to do - and she did this by her own initiative rather than being called like I usually am to serve.

I am really glad to have taken part in the music group, because I love to see God doing great things in the littlest of people. In fact, He does this all the time with everyone that serves at church (and also in doing His work outside) - its just that I don't notice it and think its because they are good at what they do. I am also more grateful for my church as small as it is, for the opportunity it provides to be able to do such things like bring together a new music group 3 days before we're due to play.

My friend, whom I have not revealed the name of (and if you wish to know her, you will when you see her at mass) is more ambitious now and would like our makeshift music group to continue and fill in for masses when the regular music teams are not scheduled to serve. Her idea is to keep going by gathering to practice once a month (could call it a jam session) and play on call when needed. There are not many opportunities coming up so these 'spontaneous' callings are few and far between. The next most obvious are around January when most of the music teams take a break.

I see this as an opportunity for STAY to start getting involved in music - to provide an avenue which we haven't really had before for some of us to express our gift in music. If you are interested, feel free to let me know. Even if you don't have any gift in music, what matters more as my friend showed me is not your talent, skill or capability but your heart for God.