Stuffs

By Mario Wahyu Prabowo

Peace be with you, wherever you are at the moment.

Yesterday, I was blessed to have the opportunity to join the Firebrandz’ worship night. It was wonderful, the music, the people, everything. Solemn, yet joyful. Simple, yet so meaningful. It was wonderful!

The thing that I remember the most from the event is the part where we wrote down the things that hold us from God, the things that have been keeping our distance from Him, our sins, our fears, our desires. It’s amazing how at first I thought I wouldn’t have written a lot, yet as time passed by, I ended up adding more and more stuffs to my paper. Stuffs that I didn’t really notice before, stuffs that I realized but had forgotten, stuffs I thought were irrelevant and stuffs that I thought were already gone. All the “stuffs”, all the “baggage” that have been dragging me down from getting closer to Him, from completely trusting Him and from truly loving Him.

The whole session almost passed just like that, with me stuffed up thinking more and more of my “stuffs” to write down. Then I remembered about the question my group discussed in bible study the night before. In Exodus 3:6, when God said to Moses: “I am the God of your father, the God of Abraham, the God of Isaac and the God of Jacob”, what was His purpose? Why, after 400 years of being still and silent, He suddenly popped up and told that to Moses, to His people? Why, when His people most certainly already forgot about Him, about His promise, and worship other Gods instead, that He decided to come up and say those words?

Then an answer came to my mind, almost as if God answered the questions Himself. What He wanted to say to His people is: “You might have forgotten, but I haven’t. You might have forsaken Me, but I will never forsake you. I love you, My child, and I will never leave you. Trust Me.”. On and on, His answer kept repeating in my head.

After writing down all our “stuffs”, we then put them in a basket in front of the altar and lift them up to God, asking Him to take them away and free us from our “stuffs”. I might forget about that though, maybe in a year or two, or even in a few days, I might go back to those “stuffs” and break my promises with Him. But He won’t forget. All the things we have said in our hearts, all the things we asked Him, He’ll remember all. Even when we forsake Him, He won’t forsake us. He won’t leave us, even though what we have done, what we are doing, or what we will do break His heart. For we are His children and His love for us is unconditional.

So let us pray together, I'll pray for you and you pray for me, that together we can learn to love Him unconditionally as well, to keep humble and trust Him completely, and to keep our promises to Him. To make Him a bit happier, and to repay His kindness after all the pains we have caused Him. God, please hear our prayer. In the name of the Father, of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit. Amen.

Reflection

By Mario Wahyu Prabowo

re·flec·tion [ri-flek-shuh]
 1.       the act of reflecting or the state of being reflected.
2.       an image; representation; counterpart.
3.       a fixing of the thoughts on something; careful consideration.
4.       a thought occurring in consideration or meditation.

This is probably the first reflection that I have ever made. I am usually not a writing person, but just for today I feel like writing what I am feeling at the moment.

This week has not been the best one for me, especially when I compare it with last week. I still can remember how I felt last week, being so joyful and full of spirit. Singing praise to the Lord made me feel so alive and I felt like He was really there and guided me to the path that He has chosen for me. The spirit filled my heart with the burning desire to serve Him, to be His hands and feet on the earth, and to share His joy with other people, especially those who really need it.

However, this week I have been feeling so dry. I still can feel Him, but it’s like His presence is getting much weaker compared to before. I feel like there is a distance between me and Him, and the joy that was there isn’t really there anymore. Going to worship night and talking to people didn’t seem to help as well. I wonder why.

Then I started thinking, maybe something has changed within me, maybe I have forgotten something important, and maybe it is time for me to go back to the very fundamental of my faith and my ministry, and start reflecting over it again. As soon as I thought of that, a few bible verses came to my mind one by one (although I didn’t remember the details. I had to google and reread them again afterwards). Reading all the verses gave me a few thought, and I would like to think that these thoughts of mine came from the Holy Spirit as the answer to all of my questions above (in fact, maybe even my “dry period” was so that I could arrive to these thoughts as well, who knows?). As I came to this realization, I felt a strong urge to share these thoughts of mine with others (which is unusual for me, as I have mentioned above) and if you can read this, it means that it is truly God’s will for me to share this, as I prayed to the Holy Spirit, “let it be done to me according to Your words”. 

The first verse that came into my mind was the first letter of Saint Paul to the Corinthians about the gift of love (1 Corinthians 13). It is about how important love is in everything that we do, and if love is not there then everything we do is meaningless and empty, even if we are doing what Jesus told us to do in the bible or sacrificing ourselves for others. I experienced myself how empty it felt when I was bringing my singing to God as an offering but there was no love in it (because I was preoccupied with the music stuffs, scared of making mistakes, trying to remember the notes, etc.) so I really know how important love is in every ministry that we do and how dangerous it is when we forget about it. That’s why when my prayer life felt so dry, the first question that came to my mind was: “Is there love in everything that I do? Have I been putting love as my reason and my purpose in my interactions with God and others? Or have I just been thinking of my interactions with them as part of my routines and as things I have to do without really putting my feelings into it?”. My brothers and sisters, I really regret why I didn’t ask these questions to myself more often, why I didn’t ask myself every day, as I might have wasted my days by trying to do all things for God and others without love. But I believe everything is a part of God’s plan, and He knows when the best time to reveal His goodness is, so my regret is futile. But please, pray for me, so that I will remember to ask myself these questions every day, in the hope that I can always put love in everything that I do for God and for others, and I pray the same thing for you too.

Then came the second verse, which is about the poor widow who gave what was worthless in the eyes of humans but plentiful in the eyes of God (Mark 12: 41-44). I thought to myself: “It is not about doing the big things, but doing everything, small or big, with big love! (Yes, this is from Mother Theresa, not my own words)”. It is when we are giving our all, despite our circumstances, that our offerings will be pleasing for God. We are supposed to be fruitful, and our gifts are meant to be grown, not just stay the same (which is the third verse that came to my mind, Matthew 25: 14-30). I remember when I did the visit to one of the detention centres for refugees in Melbourne. Among all the sour and hopeless faces, I saw a guy with a bright face and a great joy. He greeted me and gave me a magazine for the refugees, with his name as the editor on it, so I thought he was a staff there. How amazed I was, when I found out that he was also one of the refugees there, and he has been staying there for quite a while, probably years. He didn’t look depressed at all, or at least he tried not to, but instead he decided to lift up the spirit of his mates there by making the magazine for the refugees, so that they can have something to read, learn or just to get the news from outside. When I first saw the magazine, it looked so ugly with the low-quality printing and I was planning to throw it away once I got out of the place. But now, I can’t believe how beautiful that magazine looks to me (I still keep it nicely in my apartment). True, it still looks cheap, but just thinking of how much efforts he has put into it with very limited resources and facilities, I can’t help but admiring it. Faith, hope and love? This guy has all of them, even more! His faith to God reminds me of Joseph, the son of Jacob from the Genesis, and after that meeting, I thought to myself: “This guy is so full of joy, which must have come from the Lord. That’s it! That’s the kind of faith, hope and love I want to have! That’s the kind of Catholic I want to become!”. It was a starting point for me, the moment when I began to find out what I want to do in my life and what is God’s calling to me. May I never forget this, to do things with great love, to give my all despite my situations, and in doing so that I will multiply God’s gifts to me so that my life will be fruitful. And more importantly, everything is for God’s glory.

The next verse that came to my mind is Mark 12: 28-34, about the most important commandment. Jesus said love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind, and with all your strength, and you shall love your neighbour as yourself. The scribe agreed with everything, to love God with all the heart, with all the understanding (mind), and with all the strength, and to love neighbour as yourself. I have read this verse so many times, and it’s one of my favourites. But this time, something caught my attention. I noticed how the scribe didn’t repeat “love your God with all your soul”, and how Jesus said to him “you are not far from the kingdom of God”. Not far! Means he’s not there yet.

Now, I want to share my understanding of this (yes, everything from here on is just my view), and I believe that the understanding came from the Holy Spirit, but if I am wrong, then by all means please correct me J. With all the heart (feeling of love), with all the understanding (mind, theological knowledge), and with all the strength (actions), but without all the soul, then it is not perfect yet. So what did Jesus mean by “all your soul” then? Well, you remember the worship night I mentioned above? I said it didn’t really help with my situation, but actually there is something that I really remember from that night. It is when the guest speaker talked about “being an image of God”. It is not an action, it is not a feeling, it is not a thought, but it is about “being”. It is about a state. It’s like it’s a part of you, something you feel natural with, something that defines you. Then I tried to link it with my previous thought, and I came to a conclusion: that’s what Jesus meant by “all your soul”! Loving God with all your soul is about being an image of God itself, to truly represent God on the earth, to reflect God’s love, joy, and peace. It is about surrendering ourselves completely to God, to let His will be done on us and to follow His way. This is what we are called to (Matthew 5: 13-14, about being the salt and light to the world) and this is how we can enter the kingdom of God. So my next question is, how do we reach that state? Well, again, this is just based on my understanding, but I think Jesus has given a hint already. He said: “You are not far from the kingdom of God”. See how there is no “but” there? We know Jesus spoke only the truth and he didn’t hide anything from us (John 15:15), so doesn’t this mean that the scribe’s response was already good and he just needed to keep going? So I thought: “then in order to reach the state of ‘being God’s image’, I will need to keep doing the other three first (feeling, knowledge and act of love), then those will become a part of me naturally and I can truly become God’s image on the earth, as humans were meant to be in the first place, and by being so, we can truly love others just as we love ourselves”. It is not easy, but I believe it is the way, and that is what I am meant to do from now on. That’s why I really need all your prayers at the moment, and I will also pray for you all, so that we can be His hands and feet on earth, that we can answer His call to us in our lives and that all of us can be true God’s image, just as He meant us to be in the first place. And lastly, I want you to pray so that I can always have the humility as the Lord’s servant, for I am truly unworthy and what I can do and what I know are so limited, but He made me worthy, and He will give me everything I need to answer His call. For I am saved not because I am worthy, but because Jesus has died for me on the cross. He gave me grace not because I have done anything worthy of it, but because He is the loving God.

Sorry for the long read, but I am really glad that I can share this with you, my brothers and sisters in Christ. Lastly, please listen to this song as well. This is the song that was playing in my head at the same time those verses came to my mind, and also the song that I was listening to while writing this reflection. Hopefully God will touch your heart with this song, as He has touched mine.

Easter Thoughts: Divinity and Humanity in the Passion

By Surath Fernando

I'm a little late with this, but wanted to share some Easter time thoughts. Specifically the mixture of divinity and humanity within the Passion.

In particular, two events always hit me hard during Easter: Jesus in the garden and Jesus during the crucifixion.

Jesus in the garden exhibits the most basic of human emotions - fear, doubt, and loneliness. These are feelings we all go through at some time in our lives.

However, for me, the divinity comes in how He places His faith and trust in God’s path. Even though it is the path less travelled, He embraces it. Thy will be done. It has me aspiring to both trust and embrace God’s plan for me.

Jesus during the crucifixion cut such a lone figure, standing against a sea of hate, anger, and indifference.

Through this, He maintained His dignity. He preached that those who live with anger in their hearts will be torn apart by it. He has shown divinity by preaching love and forgiveness under the most difficult of situations.

This always moves me.

It has me aspiring to act with grace when faced with the difficult situations of my life.

Finally, aspiration and action are different but inexplicably linked. Coming out of Easter has me wanting to walk the path as well as learn the path. But in order to do one, we must devote ourselves to the other.

The Grace Card

by Shirley Shim
(08/05/2014)

"For it is by grace you have been saved."

- Ephesians 2:8

I stayed home from work today so I watched a lot of TV. They were showing this Christian movie in the afternoon called the Grace Card. The movie is mainly about this policeman who loses his son in an accident and for the next 17 years his life is filled with bitterness and hatred. There was even an element of racism as the person who killed his son was an African American. So he really hated African Americans. His family is falling apart, his surviving son starts hanging out with the wrong crowd. In the end his son gets shot and needs a kidney, and it is his African American police partner who gives his son one of his kidneys. In the end the son is saved, and the first guy who killed his elder son comes to ask for forgiveness after being released from prison. The movie ends with a scene in church where the police officer who donated his kidney (who is also part time pastor) is speaking to his congregation about justice and grace. How the grace card came about was his great great grandfather used to be a slave, and one day the master gathered all his slaves together and asks for their forgiveness for treating them badly and he released them all. This grace card was written by the great great grandfather to his master, “I promise to pray for you every day, ask for forgiveness, grant you the same and be your friend always.”

What the pastor had said about justice and grace struck me. We all know grace as a gift from God, Ephesians 2:8 - For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith-- and this is not from yourselves, it is a gift of God--.

What struck me was that when we think of grace we think of God, but what about grace given by man, to man? This movie implied that very often in our lives we seek justice, when something happens we are only satisfied if justice is served. But it takes a bigger person to have the grace to forgive, without the need for justice. It did make me think, will I ever be able to have the grace to forgive without seeking justice? It started me thinking about that doctor that caused my dad's death, have I forgiven him? Will I be able to forgive him? I did think if he felt sorry and contrite and stood in front of us asking for forgiveness, I will be able to forgive. But what if he didn't feel sorry? What if he still pretended not to know? Am I able to forgive a person knowing he or she is not sorry? It is by God's grace that we are saved, and there is no conditional grace that He gives us, that we need to be good or be sorry or perform lots of charity work. As long as we believe, we are saved. So if we want to be Christlike, we have to give grace freely too, no conditions, no judgement, even without justice. So to everyone out there, “I promise to pray for you every day, ask for forgiveness, grant you the same and be your friend always.” Amen.

STAY Half Year Report Card

By Jack Chui

I've been on a 2 week break overseas - a break from not just work, but also STAY... I'm not foreign to being busy having worked, studied, team sport, maintaining relationships before but STAY or ministry has been one area where the workload has increased. So busy that I haven't had a chance to write here since the beginning of the year...

So its time to provide an update from my perspective on how STAY is going.

A STAY member sent me this video which can summarise how STAY has grown over the past year in 3 minutes.

If STAY Cell Group is a measure of how many people there are then STAY has just over 50 people, up from about 20 at the end of last year and just one or 2 a year ago. Its growth in numbers was phenomenal itself last year, but it has continued to grow and the growth has not stopped. It gave me great joy each week to keep adding a person to the STAY Whatsapp group which is not used anymore because it can't support groups of over 50...

Its a nice problem to have so many people coming to Cell Group each Tuesday and available for other ministry but too difficult for me to lead them alone. So I have formed leaders for the ministries and brought them together to form a leadership team with me. They are:

Prayer - Andrew (Pray for STAY)
Cell Group - Pat
Outreach - Nicole (Friends of Refugees)
Worship - Aaron (Firebrandz)
Choir - Karl (Firebrandz Choir)
Dance - Christabel (Firebrandz Dance)

My role in STAY has changed from keeping STAY alive, then looking after its members and now growing new leaders. I am now doing the role that my predecessor Kenny spent much of his time with myself and previous leaders. I have learnt much from Kenny, STAY and from others about leadership but at times I feel unqualified to mentor about leadership because I myself am not good at it. I've gotten better but its so hard. I guess this was why it was always said to me is that the church lacks good leaders - they are hard to find if they are born and its hard to train for... Now its my turn to take on this responsibility... A new challenge!

As leaders we have met together a few times but as my poor experience tells me, its hard to gather lots of people together for a meeting and 7 of us is large enough. There was no real formula to how I chose some of the leaders... some were natural because of their expertise, some were calculated risks (and not so calculated) and others were inexperienced or unexpected. My history of choosing leaders hasn't been great - I don't pray much about it, but try to pray while we're in it. The group is diverse and should produce enough healthy conflict to make sure we act in the best interests of God, the ministry and everyone in STAY.

One thing that seems to be constant in the last half year is what I could call a 'Midas touch'. Everything STAY seems to get involved in seems to turn to gold... Its quite amazing to see because God had to have a hand in all the things we do for it to be so successful. I'll see if I can explain with all the ministries below:

Pray for STAY

The most important ministry, because if there's only one thing I want to do in STAY that is to get young people to pray (vision for STAY is to bring God to young people). Prayer allows God to work through us/STAY to bring the success and success is God's responsiility. Andrew has been faithful in leading this each Monday evening over Skype which is timed so that we can pray for the next day's cell group amongst other events that require prayers. Andrew has also been diligent in lifting up all the individual intentions of all STAY members of which there are many. I would not assess progress based on turn out which is around 5 per Monday but by how God works through the other ministries and that has been nothing short of amazing --

STAY Cell Group

Of all the leaders I have known Pat the longest from the first STAY retreat in 2011. The vast majority of people in STAY are completely new to me as I've only met them through STAY over the last year. Cell group is so big now that we are using every room we can in St. Joseph's Hall (including the hallway...) to split into 5 smaller groups. Choosing a leader for Cell Group was hard - its arguably the most time consuming role and most involved with the individuals in STAY on a week to week basis. Pat was a left field choice, she has the passion and commitment plus the pastoral skills but no demonstratable (at least unknown to me) leadership skills. I have been guiding her and she has taken this role by the reins and just ran with. The group is now running an 8 week course on elementry reading of the bible which has through word of mouth attracted interest from other groups outside STAY. Cell Group faces the problem of becoming less intimate and controllable as it grows so this will be a challenge for Pat and the other leaders to make sure that cell group's primary purpose and attraction doesn't deteriorate - fellowship.

Friends of Refugees

STAY's outreach ministry has continued to grow even though I thought it could not and was reluctant to because it was big enough as it was. Moving Day moved quickly from 1 truck in January to 3 in March which meant organising 3 times as many volunteers, donations and refugee families than before. Managing this by myself would be impossible without the help of Nicole and the organising team of 3 others who have been active with the outreach month to month. Nicole was reluctant in accepting leadership as she feels unqualified and overwhelmed by the sheer amount of risk and responsibility of leading a group like Friends of Refugees. I have had to continue leading Friends of Refugees and it will probably consume most of my ministry/management time - it was my original position after all...

Needless to say, the organising team with Nicole has been instrumental in allowing the outreach to grow and STAY members have been active in volunteering. The more it grows, the more we can reach out to befriend more refugees and also allow God to reach young people through service.

Firebrandz

Firebrandz has an agenda independent but not separate to STAY as it is led by Aaron and tied to the ICPE group. STAY and Firebrandz work together and are synomous with each other and has contributed to each others growth and success. STAY has brought people to Firebrandz events and Firebrandz events has brought people to STAY events. Its core activity is a monthly worship night which is held on the last Wednesday of each month which brings young people together for Praise and Worship and Catechesis from a guest speaker. The parish is also invited to the Worship nights and on average about 75 people would attend. Its almost a copy of the Friday Catechesis nights which STAY used to run and as a newish ministry they have started requesting for feedback through forms to get a better idea of what the community would like. There are also plans for an in house (or more 'in-church') retreat in June. STAY should organise a retreat towards the end of the 2nd half of the year as well.

Aaron is a well formed leader and informally he oversees the other 'Firebrandz' ministries -

Firebrandz Choir

The choir was a new initative for the start of this year with STAY having enough people to be able to support a choir and maintain our other ministry commitments. The choir now has over 20 people which is about half of the STAY members which I see as a good but also challenging problem. They don't all fit in the choir stalls but the choir has drawn people who would not have otherwise thought themselves as good singers/musicians to serve the church in this way. They are led by Karl who was one of several possible choices of leaders and is led by their well trained conductor in Aaron. Aaron was undoubtedly the most obvious choice to lead the choir, but it was also an opportunity to develop a new leader that may have few of the talents and skills and see God work through them.

The choir started with serving at one mass a month and now has been requested and has capacity for 2 masses a month which is the same as the regular choirs in St. Augustine's. The choir practices every other week usually the day before their service. It won't be long before they will serve at Firebrandz worship night and perhaps even weddings...

Firebrandz Dance

This largely unknown and rarely practiced ministry is the initiative of Christabel who had grew up in New Zealand learning it within her family and community. I have not been closely involved but I know we have something very special in our midst. From what others tell me, there are about 10 girls taking part most if not all except Christabel without much dance experience. Thus there is a learning curve involved and much of it was about the concept of dancing for God (rather than for others). There was plans to have the ministry debut in July during Firebrandz Worship Night first anniversary but we managed to bring that forward with a somewhat abruptly planned Stations of the Cross event which our parish priest asked the group to host. Along the with the choir, the dance ministry helped the passion of Christ come alive to those that attended the event. I had seen liturgical dance once before but the 2 dances performed during the Stations event gave me a glimpse of more amazing things to come. This ministry will likely be the most video taped of all of STAY's ministries =)

Other Notes

I will need to keep other adhoc events coming into STAY such as the Stations of the Cross to give our growing number of members active, to create an extra sense of belonging and importance in being part of the group. Some activities we said we'd get involved in (but may not have actioned yet) is:

- Services in the Church - readers, collectors, acolytes, Eucharistic ministers

- Fellowship in the Church - fundraising BBQ for parishoners, other church events

- Socials - Events organised by the Archdiocese like Indoor Soccer Competition, dinner nights out

- Reflecting by writing in this blog

A most amazing thing about STAY is not just the number of people now that are being drawn to the group but also their willingness to help and participate. In past, it always felt like a struggle just to get people just to help that I simplified things for them to make it as easy as possible for them to say yes. I probably wasn't trusting enough not humble and courageous enough to ask for help especially when few seemed to want to get involved. There is a great energy in the group that has continued wanting to seek and know God, and they'll do whatever it takes (like studying a book together) to give the Holy Spirit a chance to work through them and their friends. All of this could not have been done without the Holy Spirit's work in the group and in the hearts of those who we have reached. So all praise and honour goes to God for being the true victor and source of success in this group.

Moving Day 9

By Mary Stephen

Last Sunday was Moving Day and as usual the trucks left early to pick up donations from all over Melbourne. Trucks and sorters assembled at around 2.00 to head off in convoy to deliver to about thirty families. My team headed north with eight houses to visit.

There had been a last minute addition to our list and unfortunately by the time we arrived there was little left in our van. They were a family of five from Iran, living in a house with nothing but a baby's cot. The mother sat on the floor nursing her four day old baby, having left hospital the day before, following a caesarean delivery. Nasser, her husband greeted us with open arms as we provided a table, chairs, couch and a small mattress for their seven year old daughter. The little girl's response was to ask for one more thing - a bed for her mum to sleep on.

Lenten Reflection

By Regina Rayan

In the beginning I asked myself, what should I sacrifice for lent this year. Typical question my mother would ask me. I decided to abstain from meat. I would only be having vegetables and seafood. Then I thought to myself, I need to do something that would affect my inner spirit as well. So I prayed and allowed God to decide for me. After all, I am doing it for him. The word "make-up" kept ringing in my head. I tried denying it. But the word remained. 

So I decided to abstain from any make-up for 40 days. I never thought how tempted I would feel during those days. But I remained firm on my decisions. I remember having a huge zit on my nose when I never usually get acne/zits. Not being able to cover it up with make up was hard.  But I decided to embrace that zit. I literally took selfies with it and was proud of it. 

Other than just fasting, I felt lent this time round was more intense. I felt more involved both physically and spiritually. I started my faith journey by experiences and situations I've been in. I grew closer to God through joy and sufferings. I never knew how to communicate with God. After a retreat last year, I decided to build a little family of my own. This family of mine had always and will always be there for me. Jesus being my brother, Mother Mary being my mama, God being my papa, the Holy Spirit being my teacher and the guardian angel being my friend. 

This made me feel more comfortable just communicating with them. I remember how I've always felt my heart wanting to go to church often just to feel the warmth. Like it was my second home. Ever since I decided to have this relationship, I needed to put my heart and soul into it. Every relationship needed effort and sincerity. This Lent allowed me to measure that sincerity. I surrendered all plans to Him. 

I realized the sincerity of this relationship during the Good Friday mass at St Augustine's. When the cross was passed around, I was more worried on how will I be able to handle the weight of that cross. As soon as it passed over me and I barely used my energy to lift it, I realized my life has always been like that - all my crosses has been lifted up by Him. With His energy I become stronger not with my own.

I literally bursted out in tears when the cross passed over me. I was fine a minute ago but my heart felt so heavy. I wept like as if one of my own loved one had died that day. The feeling you get losing someone you love so much is never the best. My mind was confused cause I continuously cried. That intense feeling sealed my relationship with Jesus and I knew I loved Him more than anything. 

I have always doubted His love. Wondering how can someone love you so much? One night not being able to sleep, a bible verse was stuck in my head. He answered me, "But God demonstrates His own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. (Romans 5:8 NIV)"

And my journey now continues but I'm not walking alone. I know that this time round when I fall or get hurt, His love would never fail on me. His love is the antidote to all my sickness and fears. 

Moving Day 9

This month's Moving Day was a perfect example of not letting one's spirit be dampened by the weather! It rained buckets all around, the moving goes on. The team's commitment for a good cause was surely tested with delays and bad weather, but they all stuck around with much resolve, for which the FORM organisers are truly thankful.

Not only was it raining all around Melbourne, but it was also the first time FORM has conducted Moving Day without its founder, Jack. Needless to say the four ladies were apprehensive and thought that it would be impossible for moving day to happen without him, but it turned out to be an amazing day!

Below are some of the experiences from the volunteers that day:

"I felt very helpless when I arrived to find that the mother had recently been discharged from the hospital and was sleeping on the floor (AFTER HAVING A C-SECTION). I assumed Red Cross would have at least provided mattresses. However there were non in sight. Worst feeling is having a 7y/o child happily asking me to provide a bed for her parents. I was crying inside but trying to stay cheerful for her because she was such a happy kid. Her dad seemed confused - as was I after having seen the reality of the situation in their home."

- Jessica Lee (North Team), on visiting a family in Thomastown

"When we got to the last house, we experienced very mixed feelings, the sadness of a completely empty house and on the other hand, the joy that we had lots of items to give! the joy was definitely the predominant feeling! It was a family with 2 kids, a 16 year old boy and a 7 year old girl. They had just moved to this new house the very same Sunday we visited them. We left them a king sized bed and mattress, a queen size bed and mattress, a futon mattress, a desk, 2 sofa set, a big and almost new fridge, a big Flat Screen TV, a TV unit, a coffee table, blankets and linen, a toaster and lots of kitchen stuff and some clothes. This must have been the largest donation to a single family I have witnessed so far"

- Karlita (West Team)

"It was a frantic day for us rushing from house to house, but one family of four comprising the parents and two children stood out as he shared with us his life stories back in Pakistan and his decision/sacrifice to come to Australia as a refugee. The conversation led to tears as he felt helpless, not able to provide for his family with the restrictions of his visa and his current sickness"

- Nicole (Dandenongs Team)

Firebrandz Worship Night - Bringing Scriptures to Life

April 30, 2014

Speaker: Kenny Antony Soosai

We had the pleasure of having with us Kenny, one of the founders of StAY and a man with a great gift of knowledge and teaching, talk to us about Bringing the Scriptures to Life.

He shared with us his personal Bible journey, helpful tips on how to choose a Bible, how to navigate through it, and other tools to help us in our Bible study. He also shared with us different ways on how to study the Bible and gave several examples on how the Scriptures in the New Testament connects to events in the Old Testament.

Most importantly, he has shown how the Scripture is not just a book, but the living word that we can rely on and is very much applicable in our daily lives.

Just as Peter has denied Jesus thrice in front of a charcoal fire, He has given Peter the chance to declare his love for Him thrice in a charcoal fire that He built. Such a wonderful testimony of forgiveness and hope that no matter how much we stuff up in our lives, our Lord not only gives us second chances and a clean slate, but gives His total trust in us, just as He has entrusted Peter to feed and tend His sheep.

This is just one of the many beautiful stories of love evident in His written Word. By studying and immersing ourselves in His Word, not only do we get a deeper understanding of God's love and His ways, but we are also called to obedience to Him, to live His Word in our lives, and to pass it on.

Lent Reflections

Dear all,

Today I begin my fast for lent, and this lent I am doing something I've done before and seen others do - and that's to read the daily mass readings each day (morning preferably) and write a small reflection/sharing. I wish to share this with you not as a way to show off (hopefully) but to encourage and give God a chance to speak through me and so you can hold me to account. I’ll try to keep them short but they probably won't be so spectacular. If any of you don't think this is appropriate then please let me know. Thanks in advance for being my friends that I feel comfortable to share myself with you.

Jack Chui

Day 1 – March 5, 2014 (Ash Wednesday)

First reading: Joel 2:12-18

Second reading: 2 Corinthians 5:20-6:2

Gospel: Matthew 6:1-6, 16-18

Two things that spoke to me from the readings. The first is from the first reading and about fasting as a show of repentance. We learnt about it last night in our study of fasting. I'm often at fault and while forgiveness is important for me, I tend to look for ways to squirm out of making up for it. Perhaps I take for granted too much that Jesus paid the price for my sin and so I don't have to suffer so much to make amends. Fasting such as this (if this can be called one) might help me pay back or at least indicate more that I am sorry.

The second thing that hits me came from reading the gospel - what is the purpose of my fast. I had done fasts before for lent but some of them were kind of for selfish reasons like going to mass every morning to be more on time reaching work. Am I doing these readings to further my relationship with God? Or am I showing off by sharing these with everyone here. I pray it’s much more the first reason and that you keep me accountable to that.

Day 2 – March 6, 2014

First reading: Deuteronomy 30:15-20

Gospel: Luke 9:22-25

The readings today don't speak to me much so writing this will be difficult. It seems I have everything I could possibly need/want in life - a good job, place to live, freedom to travel, money, good health, a partner and a good relationship, good friends, good family. I try to do good things - life is so good now for me that I have little to complain or worry about. I have God in my life too though it’s hard to care about God when things are so good. So I wonder, what is my cross that I have to carry for Him? If I don't have a cross to pray for help about, how can I identify myself with the lost sheep who can struggle so much each day? God has blessed me greatly (for now) as per the first reading but it does make me a bit complacent about God.

Day 3 – March 7, 2014

First reading: Isaiah 58:1-9a

Gospel: Matthew 9:14-15

Is my fast really a fast? This reading and reflecting does bring me to pray/think about God more and is a give up of my normal time (though I would say it should be part of my normal time). But it’s not helping the needy via alms giving as per the 1^st reading. I have to do something extra to give more to the poor/needy and in this way, I think the sacrifice I make for lent will be one that denies more of myself and brings more of God into His kingdom. I could say I do a lot already for the refugees and that's enough to fulfil my fasting requirement, but if this fast is going to be a 'real fast' then I have to push for something more than what I currently do as lazy as I can be. Does it cost me enough?

Day 4 – March 8, 2014

First reading: Isaiah 58:9b-14

Gospel: Luke 5:27-32

The Gospel reading today reminds me of Jesus’ love for the lost sheep. He was for us sinners. I have a few certain professions which I love to hate or despise because it seems to me their aim in life is to rip people off for lots of money (tax collectors as like this) or to cause as much grief as possible (exaggeration). I should try and love these people too and not just those other lost sheep who struggle with life.

Day 5 – March 10, 2014

First reading: Leviticus 19:1-2, 11-18

Gospel: Matthew 25:31-46

I am generally good at following rules. I think I was well drilled by my mother about the rules and the bad consequences that would occur if I didn't follow them. That was good early on, but when things for more complicated in life - e.g. dating, I found them hard because there was no set rules.

Now I am better able to follow the law of my heart which the Holy Spirit has implanted in me, but before I was mature enough, I needed rules to help me be good. It’s how God taught the people in the Old Testament and so it is how our parents have to teach us, so I don't hold any hard feelings for people who need rules in their life - e.g. like the church sets rules.

I have been keeping in touch with Australian news while I'm in Singapore and I read one shocking story about how a paedophile was taught that abusing children, while illegal, was not wrong and that it was good for them. It makes me wonder whether I myself have been taught the correct and all the rules. If I haven't, I pray that God will convict me of the unloving things I do that I think are ok.

Day 6 – March 11, 2014

First reading: Isaiah 55:10-11

Gospel: Matthew 6:7-15

The first reading from Isaiah was the part that spoke to me the most. It contained a great message of God’s promise that His will be done through all of us no matter how much we botch things up. Like the words say, “its like the rain, it doesn't return without watering the earth which out of no effort of our own, the plants grow”. So I have to be open to receiving the Word like the earth receives the rain, and somehow God will do the rest.

I guess I have seen this for real with STAY and its other ministries. I didn't do that much but be open to others’ suggestions and somehow God must have done something to make it grow. While I can see this living out currently, it would be hard to believe in God’s promise if it’s difficult to see anything good happening around.

I hope that more people can see God’s will move through STAY that it can encourage more people (esp. those that need it the most) to believe in His promise, especially when things look hopeless.

Day 7 – March 12, 2014

First reading: Jonas 3:1-10

Gospel: Luke 11:29-32

The readings today remind me of whether I would be receptive of people trying to correct me. The people in Jesus’ time were stubborn to change - believing that their way of doing things is the right and sometimes the only way. I might be subject to the same sort of stubbornness in things I think I'm good at because of my experience - like in relationships and in leading ministries like STAY.

I pray for more humility (like the people of Nineva) to be receptive to the Lord's gentle and not so gentle guidance through all His people.

Day 8 – March 13, 2014

First reading: Esther c:12, 14-16, 23-25

Gospel: Matthew 7:7-12

Ask, seek, knock. It’s a great Gospel about prayer. I like the first reading of Queen Esther’s prayer and it makes me reflect on my 'ask'. I haven't been asking too much in prayer probably because I don't actually know what to ask for. My prayers when I was young were simple - please help me pass my exams or something tangible of that sort. But as I listen to others pray that have been praying longer, and also going through periods where it can be uncertain whether God actually helped me through things like exams, I have become more careful and general about what to pray for. It’s like I seem to know what God can do from my own past experience and I use that to shape my prayers to be one of help. I wonder if I have boxed God in by my narrow experience.

I have also wondered whether I don't ask enough because I don't believe in God’s power to work, or that because He loves us so much He will do it anyway if it’s what He wants us in His will.

Day 9 – March 14, 2014

First reading: Ezekiel 18:21-28

Gospel: Matthew 5:20-26

The first reading reminds me that good men (like I think of myself) can do bad things as well. It reminded me of a good man I used to work with in the office - a reliable person. He was given a direct report to supervise but this person complained about him being such a bad leader. How could this be? King David as well was a great man and King but he too fell to adultery. I too will not be immune to failure.

The gospel reading reminds me of the price of sin, which is eternal death. That we should repent while we are alive and have the chance on earth - preferably earlier than our dying deathbed. “Come to terms with your opponent in good time while you are still on the way to the court with him, or he may hand you over to the judge and the judge to the officer, and you will be thrown into prison.”

Day 10 – March 15, 2014

First reading: Deuteronomy 26:16-19

Gospel: Matthew 5:43-48

A bit weird but the part of the readings of today which strikes me the most is in the first reading about how God would be God for the people if they followed His ways. It speaks to me of conditional love - where I will only love you if are/do x, y, and z. How can God be this way in the Old Testament?! The Old Testament was a story about salvation, where the Israelites kept failing God and God kept saving His people. I am reminded by a sharing of an old cell group member - God’s love is unconditional, but our love is conditional. Thank God for unconditional love and teach me what how we are to love.

Day 11 – March 17, 2014

First reading: Daniel 9:4b-10

Gospel: Luke 6:36-38

As powerful the gospel reading is, it is the first reading that reminds me of my sin - this time about paying the price for our wrong. I am called to make good for the wrong I’ve done even though I don't want to.

In the first Moving day of the year, I drove the hire truck and it was going so well and then I swiped the taillight from a parked car with the rear of the truck just at the end of the pick-up session when I was home free. I heard there was something wrong and a part of me thought - just keep driving - the car owner won't know who damaged his car if he's not there. I didn't want to pay the price of repair but I knew it was the wrong thing to walk away - it is just not very loving to the other person.

There are other times like these where I feel more grateful for God’s mercy - in that He forgave me such that I would not really have to pay anything. With my wrongs to others I am at their mercy and sometimes it’s not as 'lenient' as that of God - one reason I love God so much. =)

Day 12 – March 18, 2014

First reading: Isaiah 1:10, 16-20

Gospel: Matthew 23:1-12

The gospel reading of the Pharisees warns me not to do things for show but put the burden on others without wanting to lift a finger myself to help them. I am guilty of it myself sometimes as the 'leader' of STAY now having everyone’s 'respect' and so being able to 'boss' people around and telling them what to do - some of those things are tasks which I just don't like doing and don't want to do any more. I should not justify myself by saying that I used to do it all before. I must pray that I can be humble and see myself as that same man who like everyone starts with nothing and ends this life on earth with nothing.

The image of our sins being like scarlet and crimson turning to snow and wool is quite 'vivid' to me - it gives me comfort from yesterday thinking about sin and forgiveness and how complete God’s forgiveness is and how much Jesus paid / sacrificed to turn our red blood stains into white again.

Day 13 – March 19, 2014 (Solemnity of St. Joseph)

First reading: 2 Samuel 7:4-5a, 12-14a, 16

Second reading: 2 Romans 4:13, 16-18, 22

Gospel: Matthew 1:16, 18-21, 24a

It is the feast day of St. Joseph - husband of Mary the Mother of Jesus. The readings remind me of faith and hope. At mass last Sunday, the priest who was the archbishop of Singapore spoke of 2 things which keeps us going in life - a promise and hope. I've come to understand that faith is the belief in a promise (like the Father’s unconditional love and His forgiveness through Jesus). Hope is the belief in something not guaranteed (like eternal life in heaven and good school grades). I know faith is a gift from God - it seems to explain why some can just believe, and others just don't seem to or find it difficult. I give thanks to the Lord for His gift of faith in me - very childlike =)

I'm not so sure so much how hope is developed and all – it’s one that might be revealed to me in time. For now, today’s readings are about faith and how Joseph and his descendants trusted in God's promise through what us humans would see is close to impossible.

Day 14 – March 20, 2014

First reading: Jeremiah 17:5-10

Gospel: Luke 16:19-31

I'm quite wary of the ways of the world vs. the way of the kingdom - almost to the point that I can be quite cynical of the world and its ways - striving for happiness through pleasure, power and riches. I'm very blessed in a way not to be so caught up in these pursuits. Because somehow from young, I just knew that God would be the right way and the best way - scared of going to help perhaps like the rich man in the gospel. I pray that I can live to being more of the kingdom to the world and help/draw others to do the same.I'm also reminded of the homily the archbishop of Singapore gave - only one thing is certain in life - and that is death. He shared the story of Napoleons dying days after conquering many nations which ill truncate here - his last request after he died was to have his physician carry his coffin to his home town, dropping gold and silver as they walked along and with his hands outstretched and showing from the coffin - to symbolise that:

1. No doctor could save him from death

2. He could not bring riches with him

3. That he came into the world empty handed and left the world with empty hands (nothing)

Day 15 – March 21, 2014

First reading: Genesis 37:3-4, 12-13a, 17b-28a

Gospel: Matthew 21:33-43, 45-46

Whenever I read about the Pharisees I think about how am I like the Pharisees. In Jesus' parable he talks about how the Pharisees killed the prophets because they didn't like what they said and/or they threatened their power and standing.

I can be arrogant sometimes thinking that my experience and knowledge is greater than others and so I won’t respect or listen to others feedback for me. I have to remind myself that I can learn from those younger and less experienced than me because if I don't then I can miss out on gaining some hidden wisdom.

Day 16 – March 22, 2014

First reading: Micah 7:14-15, 18-20

Gospel: Luke 15:1-3, 11-32

I have read and listen to many homilies over my years on the parable of the prodigal son and it continues to capture me because it is so rich.

The words that drew me were the first few probably because I have a vision for lost sheep.

The tax collectors and the sinners were all seeking the company of Jesus to hear what he had to say, and the Pharisees and the scribes complained. ‘This man’ they said ‘welcomes sinners and eats with them.’

How do I bring God to the tax collectors and sinners?

I was very fortunate to be able to attend the COSDU meeting last Friday. It was my first time and they are a fantastic group and more developed than STAY. A priest who I knew came to COSDU to talk about The Character of God. He used today's gospel of the prodigal son to help illustrate some of the character traits of God. The one I took out was that of mercy.

Father Chris explained the gospel in the context of the Jewish customs it was written in. There were many hidden details shared but one I can share here is that the town which the father lived in would have ostracise the younger brother because it was a very communal society then and the younger brother had basically disowned his father. The father had to look out beyond the town for his son lest he get beaten up and when he saw him he had to run 'the long way off' to reach him before the others in the town did.

Love is more a characteristic of God which I know but the gospel reminds me of another great characteristic of God which is mercy.

A definition I remember is as follows - Grace is getting what I don't deserve - mercy is not getting what I do deserve.

Day 17 – March 24, 2014

First reading: 2 Kings 5:1-15

Gospel: Luke 4:24-30

I will take Jesus’ word for it that a prophet is never accepted in their own country. Too much would be known about me and my past in Sydney and I would be more scared of being so spiritual around people that I grew up with. Do I on the other side not listen to the advice of people (like in STAY) because I know their backgrounds?

I remember reading an excellent breakdown of today’s readings a few years ago and so ill credit this next insight I take out to someone else. In the first reading Naaman was expecting to be cured in a grand and amazing way by the prophet Elisha. Instead, Elisha didn't even greet him and sent this servant with the message to bathe himself 7 times in the river Jordan.

Sometimes I expect and pray for a big bang miracle of healing (say) when in fact the miracle is happening in ordinary and repetitive actions (bathing), in ordinary places and in front of ordinary people.

This does a better job of explaining than my reflection - only available today and tomorrow only.

Day 18 – March 25, 2014 (Solemnity of the Annunciation of the Lord)

First reading: Isaiah 7:10-14; 8:10

Second reading: Hebrews 10:4-10

Gospel: Luke 1:26-38

Today is 25 March and is the feast of the Annunciation which is 9 months before the birth of Jesus. So the readings are not in line with the Lenten readings.

The gospel reading of the angel Gabriel announcing to Mary speaks to me about vocation or what I am to do in life or right now. Mary was set on getting married and then all of a sudden she is told she will give birth to a King. Talk about plans getting derailed. I used to more control freak and had to know what was going to happen in my life and be able to control it. I realised very slowly that there were many things I cannot control (mostly people) and have become more comfortable with not knowing everything about everything and what is ahead if me. It’s like being in a dark cave and there's a tiny light where the exit is far off and I only have a torch which shines just in front of me - I'm given just enough information to help me get to the end. If the whole cavern was lit up, then I might just freeze at the many dangers and paths I can take to the end (might not be able to see the light at the end as well). Mary was given just enough light too.

Day 19 – March 26, 2014

First reading: Deuteronomy 4:1, 5-9

Gospel: Matthew 5:17-19

"I have come not to abolish the Laws but to complete them."

These words disturb me because I have arguments with a catholic friend about whether we should eat pork or not. There were 600+ laws created in Moses time but in Jesus saying this, does it mean all of those should still be adhered including not eating pork (arguably my favourite meat)? I know Jesus upped the ante on sins like adultery and murder but perhaps Jesus did something in reverse for pork?

I am mindful of trying not to fall into a trap of believing what I want to believe and challenging myself to believe in what is true, even if I don't like it.

Day 20 – March 27, 2014

First reading: Jeremiah 7:23-28

Gospel: Luke 11:14-23

It’s come to half way and I this fast doesn't seem to be going well. Sleeping too late because there is so much work and then not getting up early enough to be able to write my reflections.

I didn't understand the middle part of the gospel reading so much but the gospel reading reminds me about how God kept trying to reach out to His people even though the people (Israelites) failed Him again and again and got they became worse. It reminds me of Gods great love for me, when He keeps reaching out to me to correct me in my many failures.

Day 22 – March 27, 2014

First reading: Hosea 6:1-6

Gospel: Luke 18:9-14

Skipped yesterday - failed - but doesn't mean I give up on this fast.

I can fall into a trap of feeling self-righteous because I do lots of good things, I treat everyone well and go to church and feel like I will be assured or deserve a place in heaven. A friend constantly complains that sometimes he works so hard to win over a girl and thinks he 'deserves' a relationship with her because of it - and I remind him that work doesn't always equal reward.

I have to remind myself that while good works are a good sign, it is not by my own effort by which I am 'saved' - but by Jesus death and His grace (of which I did not earn or deserve).

Day 23 – March 31, 2014

First reading: Isaiah 65:17-21

Gospel: John 4:43-54

The gospel today talks to me about signs. I think it’s hard to believe when there aren't signs. I'm lucky to have been given a quite childlike gift of faith but for those who don't believe, it must be so hard to believe in a God like the one I know.

Why doesn't God put more signs out in the world so that more will believe?

I have learned that there are 2 ways to increase faith - pray for more faith or 'fake it to make it' - pretend you have more faith and act like you do. I think I have been playing the 2^nd way the most as I haven't been praying a lot and some can say that doing crazy things like lead a young adults ministry or organise a moving day has yielded great fruit and is a sign that God is for real and that he does care.

So maybe I have to go out there more for Gods signs to work through me.

Day 24 – April 1, 2014

First reading: Ezekiel 47:1-9, 12

Gospel: John 5:1-16

I must have a soft spot for Pharisees. Because what struck me the most was their set ways and deviance from it is considered bad or wrong. They could not see the good that is happening and focus on the rule breaking - they ignored the fact/joy of seeing a man who has been lame for 38 years walk. I can be like the Pharisees as well in my leadership of STAY, where I think my way is the best way, and everyone else's way is not as good and won't be as effective. I'm trying to think instead that everyone else has better ideas than me as a way to counter my bad thoughts.

Day 25 – April 2, 2014

First reading: Isaiah 49:8-15

Gospel: John 5:17-30

I'm struggling to reflect on this one because there is so much in the readings today. The gospel talks about Jesus relationship with His Father which is complex but very humbling - he is just doing the will of the Father.

The first reading speaks to me of God’s perfect timing. It always seems late to me as I pray for something to happen desperately, but in hindsight, in His time - it was done to give Him glory. He knows more than I do.

Day 26 – April 3, 2014

First reading: Exodus 32:7-14

Gospel: John 5:31-47

It was the word 'remember' from the first reading that spoke to me the most. The Jews often forgot about the good works that were done by God after a while and took it as given - I can see that I can be like the Jews as well - no wonder all those failings from the Jews kept happening in the Old Testament! I pray that that I can remember the wonders God had brought to my life so that when things go bad again, I won’t turn away and make it worse - but just hang in there.

Day 27 – April 4, 2014

First reading: Wisdom 2:1a, 12-22

Gospel: John 7:1-2, 10, 25-30

The gospel today made me think about how I might write people off because I know their past and what they have done. Jesus was not considered special in his home town because he grew up with them. It’s easier to write them off as “not capable” than to keep them in and hoping something good will happen. God did not give up on me through my failures and so I should not give up on others.

The other part I liked about the gospel is how Jesus always points to his father and serves Him to glorify Him. I pray that I can be more humble like Jesus to do things to glorify God.

Day 28 – April 5, 2014

First reading: Jeremiah 11:18-20

Gospel: John 7:40-53

The gospel for today reminds me of how stubborn I can be, like the Pharisees, in believing that their/my own way is best/correct. Last night, the STAY leaders gathered for a meeting, the first to talk about all the ministries in STAY. It was raised that the Friends of Refugees, which I help look after, could be organised better because the organisers are working very late nights before the Moving Day. I thought there was no real way of avoiding all the work because I set it up and knew how it had to be done, and so I was not so open to the suggestions who hadn't 'been in the fire'. I can be like the Pharisees, defending my way and pride and not being open to change/criticism.

Day 29 – April 7, 2014

First reading: Daniel 13:1-9, 15-17, 19-30, 33-62

Gospel: John 8:1-11

The gospel reading today of the woman caught in adultery reminds me to look at my own sin before that of others. Well, in fact, I should leave the sin in others for God and look to see others as God sees them.

In most conflicts I am usually the one at fault and so I am usually asking for forgiveness rather than giving it. So receiving so much forgiveness has allowed me to forgive more easily - though difficult to forgive situations have not been common in my life.

I love St. Paul's words - I am the most loved by God because I am the greatest sinner and I have been forgiven the most.

Day 30 – April 8, 2014

First reading: Numbers 21:4-9

Gospel: John 8:21-30

The first reading today reminds me of an OT/NT link which Kenny had shared with STAY in the past. The serpents bit the people after they complained to God about the food and if they look at a bronze serpent they would live. It’s the same with man - man is like the serpent and our sin (venom) causes death. But if we look at the bronze serpent who has no venom (no sin) put up on the standard (or cross) then we will also not die and we will live. So if I look at Jesus - I will live and not die from sin. =)

Day 31 – April 9, 2014

First reading: Daniel 3:14-20, 91-92, 95

Gospel: John 8:31-42

Today's first reading combined with some of Fritz’s talk last night reminds me about how hard it can be to live in this world. We are bound by laws and judges that can put us to jail, processes that determine where we can live and what jobs we can get, money as the dominating currency - with all this so in our face it can be hard to believe in a kingdom like heaven.

I'm lucky in my environment that I haven't been persecuted so much for being who I am (perhaps I tone it down a bit to fit into this world). I admire those with faith that continue believing in the face of opposition that they can face in this world.

One really cool quote to share here that is kind of related - I heard this when I was in Singapore and hope to say this with more confidence.

Those with little faith who come to STAY will get to see Heaven. Those with great faith will bring Heaven to earth.

Day 32 – April 10, 2014

First reading: Genesis 17:3-9

Gospel: John 8:51-59

The theme of the 2 readings today for me is 'craziness'. How do I believe in crazy promises? God promised Abraham that he would be the Father of many with his barren wife. Jesus talks about how he existed before man to the Jews.

These promises are great, but I would probably dismiss them because of the remoteness of how they could be from where I am now. One promise I struggle with (less now) is that of my vocation - that God knows what is best for me and knows the path that will be in my best interests. I will throw up heaps of excuses to say why I’m not open to the priesthood even though I support it with others and that I should be open to it. I'm not really giving God a chance with this part of my life. Crazy.

Day 33 – April 11, 2014

First reading: Jeremiah 20:10-13

Gospel: John 10:31-42

The gospel spoke to me about signs and how it leads me to believe in God. Jesus said to at least believe in the work he does – it’s easier to believe there is a God this way.

It makes me think of those stories I hear about healing - that it happens when someone is terminally ill and there is no other hope. So that there is no doubt the healing came from God - and not because of another God, or a doctor, or change in lifestyle although those things can help. God can be so last minute at times, but His timing brings Him glory.

I have not faced much persecution like Jeremiah in the first reading or Jesus in the gospel, but Jeremiah’s cry calls me to trust in God who is unseen by my enemies that He will have the final say even though I am powerless to change my situation.

Day 34 – April 12, 2014

First reading: Ezekiel 37:21-28

Gospel: John 11:45-56

God promises through His prophet Ezekiel to unite His people. This is such a great change that unfathomable at that time of nations and conflict. Like the Jews in gospel, I am conscious of my unwillingness to change.

I look back on my life and how I have become who I am, speaking in front of groups and churches - having come from a boy who used to cry in drama classes. I have changed so much my friends back then probably would take a while to believe what kind of person I am today. God can make the stubborn like me change amazingly.

The gospel reminds me of the need for me to let go of my leadership of STAY, to be open to others to lead that they have the chance to do things that can take the ministry and its people to a higher place than I can. As good and better that I think I am like the Pharisees, I must learn to be more open to the Jesus's around me that while they can shake things up, that I can see God work through them the way God uniquely works through me.

Day 35 – April 14, 2014

First reading: Isaiah 42:1-7

Gospel: John 12:1-11

This is last week before Easter and this makes me think about what a person might feel/go through when they/I know there's only a few days left to live. Would I be in fearful panic and/or making the most of everyday?

Jesus accepted the lavish gift of Mary and did not turn it away for some more 'worthy' use. I tend to have a similar attitude because I don't spoil myself a lot, probably because I don't think I'm worthy of it - like when there is so much need out there. While this might sound noble to an extent, I think that hinders me in giving generously because I think that if I'm not worthy then I won't look at others as worthy either.

Day 36 – April 15, 2014

First reading: Isaiah 49:1-6

Gospel: John 13:21-33, 36-38

Today's gospel draws me to look at Peter and Judas and their similarities and differences. They were both good men and both betrayed Jesus. The major/only difference was their fates - Peter knew that he could be forgiven, but Judas did not know this.

How amazing and great is God’s forgiveness!

I'm reminded of a quote I use a lot from a movie about the song amazing grace and the abolition of the slave trade (can't remember movie name). The old blind monk said - There's only two things I've known in life, that I'm a great sinner, but my Lord is greater saviour.

Day 37 – April 16, 2014

First reading: Isaiah 50:4-9a

Gospel: Matthew 26:14-25

Back more than 5 years ago, my Sydney prayer group taught me about being a warrior for His kingdom - that I learn to fight in a war for souls (and my own soul). I like this battle mentality perhaps because I'm a guy, but also because it’s a challenge that hasn't been this way to me before - to win the battle for God (with His help) in this war we look to be losing in the world.

At the same time, they also taught me to surrender. I use the word 'yield' in place of surrender when I heard it in a war movie. I had to yield (took me a while and still not good at it) to receive more of the gifts of the Holy Spirit, but how do I know when to fight and when to yield? I guess it can trip me up.

Jesus yielded to the men around him around his passion. I don't have a great answer to the question, but it might be something like - yield to His will and fight for His Kingdom.

Day 38 – April 17, 2014 (Holy Thursday)

First reading: Isaiah 61:1-3a, 6a, 8b-9

Second reading: Revelation 1:5-8

Gospel: Luke 4:16-21

Evening mass of the Lord's Supper.

Two things in tonight's readings that speak to me. First is that Jesus is the new lamb of the new Passover. The first reading describes the Passover ritual of taking a lamb unblemished, slaughtering it to eat and wipe the blood on the doorposts as a mark that saves and says 'this one is Mine' - can just replace the references of the lamb with the name Jesus in the reading.

The 2^nd for me was that Jesus washed the feet of great sinners like Judas. He served everyone including the one who would betray him. What an amazing God we have that would come to our feet and serve us - that leads by example. I pray that I can be not so selective in who I serve, that I can serve those who might hurt me too.

Day 39 – April 18, 2014 (Good Friday)

First reading: Isaiah 52:13-53:12

Second reading: Hebrews 4:14-16,5:7-9

Gospel: John 18:1-19:42

Good Friday. Long readings which I have heard many times every Good Friday. But a few things stood out to me.

The first reading from Isaiah prophesised the crucifixion of the king - and in more graphic detail than the gospel - just amazing how that could be written and it hadn't even happen yet when it was written!

The first reading and the gospel also speak to me about how Jesus came to do the Father’s will. Jesus says to Pilate - Yes, I am a king. I was born for this, I came into the world for this: to bear witness to the truth; and all who are on the side of truth listen to my voice.

I think to act out God’s will Jesus had to trust God - he could because He came from him, but I am called to do the same - to trust in His will for my life even though it is as crazy as carrying the cross to Golgotha.

The last part that spoke to me is that of forgiveness. I'm pretty big on forgiveness (because I have to ask for a lot of it). I was reminded of a friend in another cell group saying that forgiveness helps ourselves more than the other because it allows us to let the burdens go. I didn’t counter at the time but didn't think it was right - just too selfish and it’s not quite the way of the Kingdom. Jesus did not take our sins or forgive us for himself. He did it for us. Forgiveness I am told is the greatest act of love, and we can only forgive truly if I can love the person that I am forgiving – it’s hard and it doesn't always happen - but that's the challenge I am set as a Christian. Forgiving is an act of love for the benefit of the other person.

Day 40 – April 19, 2014 (Holy Saturday)

The last day of Lent - there are lots of readings so instead I will reflect on how the whole lent and fasting experience has been for me.

For those new here, my fast for Lent was to pray and read the scriptures for 40 days and share a reflection on them each day. Overall I don't think I did too badly - missing one day and some were written late at night because I had not been getting up early enough to pray as was part if the intent of the fast.

I've done something like this before but with a smaller cell group so it was not new or too challenging to me. It didn't cost me too much (perhaps not enough) but perhaps the main reason I chose to do this is so that it was easy enough for Rui to do it with me.

I wouldn't say I had many if any wow moments like I have heard from others at church this Lent. There has been more prayer which is good but nothing really exciting gained.

I've been through Lent many times and while this fast has been the most formal and accountable of them, it’s kind of like just another Lent. Has it just been too busy during Lent for me to see more of God in my life?

While it would be nice to say that I received much from this Lent, I take joy that I hear from others about how this Lent was different to them, and for some an amazing time of discovery.

So thank you for sharing your moments of Lent with me, for encouraging me and praying for me.

Wishing you all and your families a joyful and most blessed Easter season - 7 weeks of it so no sad faces. =D