Authentic Chastity: From Legalism to Liberty - Talk 6

By Jack Chui

Chasity vs Sexual Freedom - what two opposites which are misunderstood...

Chastity is actually the expression of sexual freedom.

Society can make us think of chastity negatively as a long list of 'thous shalt nots' and sexual freedom as the breaking apart of those rules. However, this promotes an 'anything goes' attitude and addiction. Is a habitual masturbator free when they can't say 'no' to their next ......?

True freedom is not liberation from the external 'constraint' (rules) that calls me to be good, but from the internal constraint that hinders my choice for the good --- to be able to say no (or being chaste) is the true sexual freedom!

In relation to masturbation, I know it is truly a grace from God that needs to be asked for constantly to say no. The same goes to the temptation to fight lust or using someone for our own gratification. We are just too weak on our own to say no sometimes, but with His power, it can be done. It must be just the way we were designed to keep us needy and reliant on God... =)

The guiding principle of all Catholic moral teaching is the dignity of the human person. Persons must never be treated as objects of use or a means to an end. We have to see the dignity of the human person so that we are compelled to do what it takes to love that person rightly.

What is love? A feeling, physical attraction, emotion? Pope John Paul II says that these are the 'raw material' of love and there is a tendency to regard them as love's 'finished form'. These 'raw materials' if not properly held together may not add up to love, but to its direct opposite - lust. I can have a feeling or physical attraction to any girl on this planet but does that mean its love?

The opposite of love is not actually hatred, but rather to use the other as a means to an end. This lust is a pale cheap imitation of love. For love to take root, above all we must firmly set our will on the person's good, utterly refusing to indulge lust --- this involves integrating the feelings, physical attraction and emotions with the 'dignity' of the person. This is a call for self donation (for the good of the other) rather than self gratification (for the good of self).

Quoting the notes -

Chastity is not an 'annihilation' of sexual reactions or pushing them into the subconscious where they await an opportunity to explode. Chasity is a matter of sustained long term integration of sexual values with the value of the person. The person who wants to succeed in mastering sexual impulse and excitement, must be committed to a progressive education in self control of the will, of the feelings, of the emotions; and this education must develop beginning with the most simple acts in which it is relatively easy to put the interior decision into practice (i.e. to be able to say no).

Faith is the key to this - lust may feel like the real thing, but this is where faith must prevail.

Love reaches maturity when it turns from "how the other makes me feel" to "who the other person is". Its the recognition of the other's uniqueness - their unrepeatability. They cannot and should not be compared/measured to someone else. Authentic love is attracted not just by 'attributes' or 'qualities' of a person, but for the person's value. The qualities are repeatable and they help us get to love, but if it stops there then a permanent shadow is cast over the permanency of the relationship (they can be replaced by someone else with the same or better 'qualities'. These 'attributes' or 'qualities' can also change or disappear over time (like breasts =P)

One love that can satisfy our yearning - Jesus. Love on earth can only approximate this love.

The Two Become "One Flesh": Living the "Great Mystery - Talk 5

By Jack Chui

"Be subject to one another out of reverence of Christ. As the Church is subject to Christ, so wives also be subject in everything to their husbands. Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the Church and gave himself up for her" (Eph 5:21, 24-25)

Apparently the above passage is one of the hardest to accept for particularly for women - it can send shivers down their spines... From my point of view, and I'm bias because I'm male, the men have it just as hard if not harder than ladies.

The talk from Christopher West raises some good points.

• First, "Be subject to one another" is a call for mutual subjection. When St. Paul was writing to the Ephesians, male domination was the norm. Male lust is twisted into male domination of female - it was not part of God's plan. St. Paul is seeking to restore the original order before sin.
• "reverence of Christ" - mutual attraction. We men are in reverence of the mystery of the female body. Females are an image of Heaven on earth. Woman becomes the most holy dwelling of the most High God like Mary.
• Wife is a symbol of the Church and the husband is a symbol of Christ. For men, then our call is be like Christ. He came not to be served but to serve - to lay down His life for His Bride (Mt 20:28). Women are called to be obedient to their husbands just as all of us are called to be obedient to Christ. This can work, when husbands love their wives like Christ loves the Church. It is a receiving or experiencing of love.

Pope John Paul II writes this about the sexual act:

If a husband is truly to love his wife, "it is necessary to insist that intercourse must not serve merely as a means of allowing [his] climax... The man must take [the] difference between male and female reactions into account... so that climax may be reached [by] both... and as far as possible occur in both simultaneously." The husband must do this "not for hedonistic, but for altruistic reasons." In this case, if "we take into account the shorter and more violent curve of arousal in the man, [such] tenderness on his part in the context of martial intercourse acquires the significance of an act of virtue"

--- and who says priests don't know anything about sex =P

This next bit is meant to explain the sacredness of marriage but I don't' quite get it so I'll just write a bit of it. The purpose of the sacraments is to unite us with Christ the Bridegroom and "impregnate" us with divine life. Marriage is a model for all the sacraments. This is why the Church so diligently safeguards the meaning of marriage. Redefining marriage redefines humanity because it obscures the earthly sign of the marriage that we are called to the eternal marriage with God.

There are 4 characteristics which distinguish authentic love from the counterfeit.

1. Free gift of self
2. Total - without condition
3. Faithful - I will never leave you
4. Fruitful - life-giving because love by its very nature is life giving

These are expressed in the questions during marriage at the altar:

• Have you come here freely and without reservation? (Free & Total)
• Do you promise to be faithful till death? (Faithful)
• Do you promise to receive children lovingly from God? (Fruitful)

The sacrament of marriage is complete after the vows are taken AND the marriage is consummate (or once sex has taken place). Sex/Intercourse is where the words of the wedding vows become flesh. "For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh." (Eph 5:21-33). Intercourse renews the marriage vows through the language of the body.

Marriage is a sacrament ministered by two people and doesn't involve the priest like it is for all the other sacraments. Sex is sacramental - it is the indefinitive expression of the marital act. We are called to bring the Church into the bedroom...

The Heavenly Marriage: The Joy of Christian Celibacy - Talk 4

By Jack Chui

May not be so much personal thoughts here as I don't have so much to add to the points I took out of this talk - which is just half way through the 8 week course. I'm taking so much in and remembering most of it that I think I might be rehashing some stuff that I've written before. But anyway ---

God's plan for us continues despite our sin. The sin was like a detour, but it did not change the ultimate destination. So what is God's plan or our destiny? The Heavenly marriage or the "Marriage of the Lamb" (Rev 19:7). God ultimately wants to marry us and be in union with Him forever in a way that is greater than sex as we know it.

So there are two marriages - one on earth which we know of, and the other more mysterious one in Heaven. Which one should we be aiming for? Well, if we know about the Heavenly marriage then that one for sure! Knowing this will definitely take off pressure to get married and have sex here on earth because there is an even greater one that will last for eternity. Earthly marriage is only a foretaste or preparation of for Heavenly marriage. It is like a weak icon of what Heaven is like and so like all icons in the church, it should not be worshiped lest we lift marriage/sex higher than God.

Sex is the closest thing to Heaven on earth, but it can also be the closest thing to hell... when it is not lived as God intended. The abuse and misuse - the self destruction can wound us because sex can take us to the heights of glory.

"In the beatific vision, God will give himself totally to man, and we will respond with the total gift of ourselves to him." - taken straight from the notes. In the Heavenly, marriage, one way to picture it is that all of us that ever lived will come together and be in union with God forever - so we will be with our brothers and sisters which are many parts forming one big big body =)

A celibate person freely forgoes sexual relations in order to devote all their energy and desires to the union that alone can satisfy. They "skip" the earthly marriage in anticipation of the Heavenly marriage - and so boldly proclaim that "the kingdom of God is here". Its unfortunate that our society sees celibacy as repressive , that people who don't have sex because they can't get any as losers... They should be held with the highest regard because they are a great witness to the greater communion that is to come. Celibacy boldly proclaims our ultimate meaning of sexuality - it points us to a greater sexuality. Celibacy is not a rejection of sexuality, but a living out of the deepest meaning of sexuality - union with Christ and his Church (Eph 5:31-32).

Celibacy can only be lived when we are redeemed (or saved) by Christ and so experience "liberation from lust". The Christian vocations of celibacy and marriage only make sense through this liberation. Its difficult to understand this 'liberation' but one way I can put it is to remember the ultimate marriage is the one in Heaven, rather than the one on earth.

 Jesus upped the ante when he said that even if men look at women with lust, that we commit adultery in our hearts. So marriage is not a legitimate outlet for lust - it is not a free for all in marriage even. There is particular responsibility on men because we are the initiators - it is written into us to initiate the gift and for women to receive. We need to see each other continually as a gift.

Simply Amazing...

By Jack Chui

"Amazing is an understatement" ~ Debbie Li late on Sunday night after 'Moving Day'

Debbie pretty much summed up yesterday's Moving Day in 4 words. Few things in my life are worth cause for excitement or expression of feelings given I'm not such a feelings person, but yesterday was one of them.

But for those new to STAY, I'll start from an earlier beginning and hope this post won't be so long.

One of the fruits to come out from the STAY ministry is the Outreach to refugees or asylum seekers. Two years ago, I was the leader for Outreach in STAY and was struggling to fulfill that role till I spoke to our then parish priest Father Peter. Father Peter has a great love for 'the forgotten' people in society and he spoke many times about his pastoral ministry to the refugees in detention and 'outside' detention. He wanted young people to befriend the refugees in detention because most other visitors were older (Father Peter is over 80) and the asylum seekers were mostly young men.

The visits to the detention centre in Melbourne started with a few people but word spread and the Outreach grew to include large groups including some regular goers. A year later, we also started to visit the newly released refugees in their homes with gifts of Christmas cake for that season and we continue to make visits once a month. As it visited these homes, a pattern becomes familiar - they are happier outside detention but there are other great struggles to make ends meet with the visa condition that they cannot work.

Recently, there had been a great need for mattresses because the large charities which normally supply them were in very short supply and so refugees who just move into a new rental property just have to sleep on the floor or take turns to share a single mattress among 5 or 6 young men. After seeing 2 families in one house with absolutely no furniture as they had just moved in 2 weeks before, it was time to put those little calls for help into action.

Yesterday, we ran our first 'Moving Day' where we would get some vans, and bring mattresses from people who wanted to donate them/give them away and bring them to the refugees that needed them. I haven't organised such a large operation before - the previous might be a church BBQ for 200 people but as you can imagine, its not an easy task to find mattresses, collect them, find people who need them and deliver them. In this whole experience I have 3 take outs that I wish to share.

God brought together what we needed

A week before yesterday, I only knew of 5 mattresses which our volunteers had expressed interest in donating and that was all I started with. But through the week, up till Saturday night before the day, all the things came in that would be needed to help us succeed. I did not have much idea of how to organise such a logistical problem, but people around me made suggestions, which not knowing much better I just followed through on to see what would happen. More mattresses came in, and some people found some to let us know. A priest lent us his own ute and borrowed another car to travel over the weekend. Budget Car rentals let us hire a large van for the price of small one after someone thought of their last move. A lady who saw a request for mattresses on Gumtree (goodness knows how my email request made its way there) put me in touch with the moving company Man With a Van and they generously donated a truck and 4 men.

God also brought together the right people. People to donate mattresses and furniture, people to help guide the drivers, people to sort through clothes and other household items, people to clean chairs, people to drive and people to make the deliveries. The response for volunteers was not the greatest, but was perfect for what we needed to do. We collected about 20 mattresses all up and with other furniture donated and from the church it filled the large Man With a Van truck, the whole boot of a 4WD and half the Budget van. There was a lot of stuff - enough you could say to be all of someone's belongings.

God made it work, in-spite of challenges and ourselves

The day was in my view not the smoothest of operations. My GPS ran out of battery and the hire van which I was driving couldn't charge it so I was picking up mattresses using google maps on my phone which my accompanying passenger was not familiar with using. People who were donating mattresses also offered to give us other furnitures which they were looking move - some useful which we took and others not so useful or difficult to find a use for (note to self - don't pick up fax machines...). When we got to sorting and loading the vans, there were different suggestions and counter suggestions which slowed down the re-arranging process and having to resort to compromises and short-cuts just to get the convoy moving to delivery mode at late afternoon. The chairs which the church wanted to give away just would not stack!

On the journey, there were different ideas on the order of houses we would visit to minimise the travel, road blocks which made us detour and take wrong directions which was wasting more time sitting in the van/car. The early houses we visited were half furnished to fully furnished and we struggled to give away mattresses and clothes to the point where we would offer them anything from the van so that they would take it from us. In desperation and frustration, I took it out on some of the kind volunteers to just do whatever it take to give it all away, because by the looks of it, I would have to take the majority of items which we so carefully collected and drove out west of Melbourne back to the city to 'dump' somewhere else. The team was not the most cohesive, yet, inspite of ourselves and the setbacks, God still made it work.

And not just work, but work so brilliantly. Each volunteer, though somewhat dysfunctional together and small in whatever we could do, gave the little of the skills/talent that we had to serve in different ways when we were interacting. God had brought together the right people to play our small part and He somehow just made it work. The 'men' with the Van moved furniture into houses much faster than what us amateurs could do. We had volunteers able to speak Sinhalese which some of the Sri Lankan refugees understood. Some of the ladies were good at fitting clothes or know where to find the right clothes/items in the vans. Some volunteers were good at talking to and entertaining the children. Others were good at picking items from the vans and bringing them in. Without each one of us, the whole operation would be so much less effective.

In the end, and amazingly, we managed to give away all but a box of ornaments all away and so not wasting what was given to us by our generous volunteers. Victory would not be so sweet without all the troubles that came with it...

Be very grateful for what I have

and God saved His greatest for last. After making little progress through the first 3 houses, we went to an address to whom Raj, the man of the 3rd house gave us - a family that would need what we had. We had a lot left - just over half the mattresses, half the chairs (started with 30) and a variety of odd furniture. When we arrived and welcomed ourselves, we saw what Raj meant - the household had literally nothing. All the rooms were empty - the Sri Lankan family of 5 with 2 young boys and the youngest a girl had just moved in 2 days ago.

In half an hour, we had furnished the large but derelict house with enough furniture to make it more comfortable than sitting and sleeping on the wooden floor. The men in the Van also went the extra mile to assemble four single bed frames from their parts so that the children would have nice beds to sleep on. We gave everything that they would need and it just about emptied all the vans and our stock. We also gave them the all rest of the warm clothes because they only had thin shirts to wear.

It was near dark when we arrived and the house had no lights working - until we checked the fuse box and turned on the switches. The family had been living in the dark for the last 2 days. They also told us that they had not eaten for the whole day, the only thing they had to eat was bread from the communion at church that Sunday morning. We were stunned... the children would not have eaten much if at all for the last 2 days. The ladies helped the mother of the household (I wish I knew their names) to the nearest supermarket, showing her where to walk to get there next time and buying some groceries for them to have meals for a week or so.  They had no fridge so there would be no meat. We could not give them any plates or cooking tools because we had given them to another family before.

To see that we could do so much to help this one family was enough to lift my spirits - that all the late nights of organising and communicating with the many various people to get it all together was well worth it. I did not think about my tiredness and challenges I had to deal and put up with getting it altogether because I had seen first hand what real struggle really was. I will be very grateful when I have my regular meals. The simple things like clothes, heating, money and a bed.

Thank you Lord for this opportunity, and for using us to do your work and bring You glory.

Changes - Renewal?

By Jack Chui

I have been through times in my life where there were just lots of things happening. There has always been work, but add on that study, ministry, sport - it just saps time and there just seems like I'm being stretched. I'm going through one of those times at the moment and one of the things is STAY.

After a good discussion last Sunday with mostly new people in STAY, we've decided to change our cell group time from Sunday at noon to a weekday evening - Tuesday. A weeknight seems to work better for most people and it probably shows because few people turn up on Sunday at lunch after mass and if they can come, its not very consistent.

The change to Tuesday also clashes with another cell group which I host for 'all ages' but I did this deliberately because otherwise, I would be out two nights a week at two different cell groups which I would be mostly leading. Scheduling them at the same time would mean that I can only be in one or the other. For now, STAY or young adults needs more help than my other more established cell group (called Emmaus)

I've been trying to train a new leader in Emmaus cell group for some time now, but its something I've really struggled at. I've focused finding leaders this year more so than I have in previous years so that I wouldn't be always leading it and so that I can concentrate more on STAY. With this change, Emmaus will be more forced to choose that leader.

I don't mean to just leave Emmaus to fall or anything. The group has been a source of strength to me in my journey and it has taught me about the joys of ministry. I would like to see it grow and do even greater things and I think it is time for a new leader to take that forward. I have been a leader of the cell group for at least 3 years it seems and I've journeyed with it through its ups and downs.

I will be close to Emmaus because we can still combine the STAY cell group with it for a bigger meeting occasionally. It also helps me share resources with the two cell groups as the materials for study/discussion can be the same for both.

There is more hope in me of a renewal in STAY. New people have been coming to STAY and coming back to me with ideas and wanting to help out more. I haven't seen the people that used to come to STAY before but now I see new faces, more eager than me to help STAY. It was these new people that came to suggest the new cell group time and ideas in what it should do. We also have the opportunity to help out in a new monthly Praise and Worship night which STAY can be a part of - the first of this kick's off at St. Augustine's on Wednesday night 31st July.

Perhaps its just my feelings of busyness as I've to prepare for this change, while house hunting and biggest of all, organise a moving day to bring mattresses from generous donors to the refugees who need them --- that is drawing my attention away from the exciting renewal and changes that can take place with STAY. I don't mind the busyness so much as its all activity that helps bring God's kingdom closer to earth. In fact I probably enjoy it more than I make out with my writing here. It would be good to have more time to pray.

Please pray for me and for STAY. God bless.

Redeemed as Male & Female: Christ Restores God's Plan - Talk 3

By Jack Chui

We have to understand how bad the original sin is to understand how great His redemption is

This time I will try and write about what the talk meant to me rather than just regurgitate my notes because I think I understood this talk more than the last talk.

"Original Sin is like the breath of God being expired in us. Jesus came to breathe back in His life with the Holy Spirit." So how does the Holy Spirit do this? --- In short to change our hearts so that we can love.

The Church can feel like its just an institution which dishes out a long list of rules, most of which we don't know and therefore don't abide by, and some we don't follow even if we know them. Its tough following rules --- remembering them is hard enough but there's something human in us that sometimes wants to push the rules to the limit and ultimately to break them if we can get away with it.

If "you are led by the Spirit, you are not under the law" (Gal 5:18). The Holy Spirit came to lead or change our hearts so that we can be free from the Law. If we can love God and the Church enough, then we will automatically abide by the law without having to think much. Its like me and going to church on Sundays - I don't think of it as a chore, a killjoy to sleeping in or a boring waste of time, because if I love God/Church enough, I'll just want to go - be drawn there. The Holy Spirit in this way provides freedom from the long list of rules. Free because we have no desire to break the laws.

I'll say it doesn't happen in all areas of my spiritual life though. I still struggle to pray - one can say, if I love God enough, I'll pray more often... but unfortunately, prayer for me is something that I'm drawn to when I'm desperate... Sloth =(

So how might I overcome this laziness or other sin that we/I might have? By the gift of redemption.

If we give God our lust, He will give us the true love. Its like exchanging the counterfeit for the real thing!

Sin is just a twisted version of the good that comes from God. But if we give it to God, He can give us the 'untwisted' version.

This is a hard one for me... My laziness in prayer translates into laziness to just give it over to God. I don't seem to care enough about myself and perhaps others (because I'm asked to pray for them) because there's nothing bad happening to me to want to pray for myself. It sounds like the right way to go though - this however can only be given to God in prayer... Either way, I've been told that prayer is a discipline and that its not easy to keep up, even for the best of us. I pray that the Holy Spirit can change my heart to love God and His people enough to pray more.

This fight may be a continual one for me, and Christopher West ends this talk on the topic of the "master of suspicion". I am a master of suspicion because I don't fully believe in the transforming power of God to change my prayer life. I've tried many times, and there are periods where I'm quite prayerful, but then it lapses again. I need this redemption to give my sin to God continuously because I'm not redeemed once, but constantly...

It is the same with lust - just because I seem to be getting more control of it with the Holy Spirit's help, there will be times when it can be real struggle. God forgives and knows this. All He asks is for me to keep my eyes on his Son and try not to look away.

Created as Male & Female: God's Original Plan - Talk 2

By Jack Chui

Theology of the Body - Talk 2. Is about going back to where it all began... to the very beginning in Genesis and the intention of God's whole creation of us as people - man and woman. We need this because history has morphed what sex really is about. There are different views of sex now - depending on who you hang around, but JPII in TB tries to enlighten us on what the truth is meant to be (as best he humanly can) in a series of his reflections of Genesis.

One big caveat of Genesis is that the book shouldn't be taken literally and should be appreciated as a symbolic representation of a deeper understanding. It written in symboli lanugage to help us understand a deeper spiritual truth. I didn't actually understand the book or at least the story of creation like this but after the 2nd talk, this makes more sense for me. God inspired the writer of Genesis to write a story of creation in a way which we humans could understand it at the time --- and a that time us humans didn't know a lot =P

A lot of the below are just notes which I've written. All of it is good, but not all of it makes perfect sense or is understandable to me (some things have to be a mystery right =P) I didn't take a lot out that was mind blowing or anything so best I can do is just rehash the bits I found useful - which is most of it. The reflections are apparently very deep so this only scratches the surface, but I think its good enough for me...

JPII talks about 3 fundamental truths of Genesis.

1. Original Solitude - Man is "Alone" in the World

A-Dam is actually the Hebrew word for "man". So when Genesis mentions "Adam", its more that God is talking about 'man' or people rather than a person called Adam...

"It is not good that the man should be alone" Gen 2:18. This is a reference to human beings (male and female) are "alone" in the visible world as a person. We (humans) are spiritual because God 'breathed' into Adam. Adam realises he's "different" from the animals. We have freedom - the capacity to choose between good and evil. Animals do not have the capacity for evil or love. Man is "spiritual" - Freedom and Love are spiritual.

Adam discovers a lot of the above by looking at his body. He's different to the animals by their look, but similar in other ways - yet he still reached the conviction that he was 'alone'. Maybe a blunt way of putting this is that as a male, he wasn't just hard wired to go and have sex with all the other female animals...

2. Original Unity - Called to Live in Relationship

Man can't be alone, because we need someone to actually love...

"Therefore a man leaves his father and his mother and cleaves to his wife, and they become one flesh" Gen 2:24.

Becoming 'one flesh' refers not only to the joining of 2 bodies but is a "sacramental" expression which corresponds with a deep spiritual communion of persons. A sacrament makes visible what is invisible - something a wedding ring is to marriage. The sexual plan is not the result of sin - it was the plan from the beginning - "be fruitful and multiply", "and God saw that it was good". Men and women were designed to live in the image of God - relationship/sex is the original blessing of creation! Our bodies were meant to reveal the inner mystery of life of the Trinity.

* Does our society view our fertility as a blessing or curse?

3. Original Nakedness - Naked with Shame

The key for understanding God's original plan for man and woman. (I'm not sure how this is meant to be "key" but I'll take it from JPII =). God created sexual desire to be a free gift of love - to express love.

"And the man and his wife were both naked, and were not ashamed" Gen 2:25

We experience sexual desire only as the desire to love in God's image. It signifies the original good of God's creation. There's no shame (or fear) in love.

A man's body makes no sense by itself - with woman 'things' just fit! Man and Woman were pure - they saw God's goodness in their bodies. Jesus loved us by giving his body - we are called to be a gift to each other and sex is meant to be a self donation for the good of the other.

So why don't we believe (or at least society) believe in the above?

!! Original Sin - Questioning the Gift

God is the 'creator' and we are the 'creation'. We are the receivers from God just like women are receivers in the act of sex. The serpent targets the woman because She represents humanity to open up God's gift - God wants to impregnate our humanity with his divine life - us humans.

Because we are the receivers from God so we are supposed to discover good and evil. Instead, eating the apple has 'opened our eyes' and so now we start to create or determine what is good and evil. We conceive God as a slave driver - or a killjoy, when in fact, God is perfect love.

God's love 'died' in our hearts, sexual desire became inverted - self seeking. We desire sex for selfish pleasure. Eve covers her body because it is so very good, to protect her dignity against lust. Lust is sexual desire without God's love. Lust causes us almost to stoop back to the level of animals, yet we still know we're called to more - we're called to love.

Theology of the Body: An Education of Being Human - Talk 1

By Jack Chui

The Australian Catholic University is hosting a Theology of the Body series of videos by Christopher West over 8 Wednesday nights which I just started going to. Writing my thoughts of each week on this blog will be a good way keep my learning and share with everyone what I learn / take out especially for those who don't have a chance to attend one of these sessions.

I've watched the videos before in STAY when it we did it over 8 weeks or so, but this time I have the accompanying study guide so I can write notes as I watch the video with others rather than just listen and take in what's being said. It helps me focus more because watching without taking notes or studying for me can make it hard to concentrate. I'm attending again because I'd like to know more about sex (who doesn't...?), relationships and all the challenges that go with it - its just interesting =)

So on to it. I'm not going to recount everything - that would be too long, just the things that struck me and that I took out.

The first talk is like all first talks an introduction, but one which I jogged my memory of the things I took out from the only other time I watched it. What is the Theology of the Body (TB) all about? In one word - sex. Christopher West agrees that the world revolves around it, and so does the Church in fact - where would we all be without sex? TB was started as a series of talks in the 1990's by the late Pope John Paul II which tries to explain the truth about sex (the way the Church sees sex). But its quite complex and very deep, that it took 10 years for someone like Christopher West to study all 129 talks and bring it to the mainstream church in a way that more people (us low laity people =P) can hopefully understand it. That will be my aim for the next 8 weeks.

The aim is to understand what God intended sex to really be and therefore what His whole creation is meant to be. Unfortunately its not obvious as it probably should be because our understanding of sex is a bit 'corrupt' (lacking a less blunt word to use here). Chris West summed up his Catholic education on sex in just 3 words - Don't do it! I think a lot of us cradle Catholics can relate to that. So most of us would then get our sex education from places like MTV to sum it up as a central place. So this TB is to be a breath of fresh air that's to counter the progressive direction society is heading and putting out there - the truth (as I see it and believe it to be). To quote the notes "If the task of the 20th century was to rid itself of the Christian sexual ethic, the task of the 21st century must be to reclaim it".

Not to stay on this point any further, but I can understand a bit how the world has progressed as it has on sex. Its not easy to talk about sex (its hard for me just to type those words) and the Church has had an even harder time talking about it. Would the world be in a different place had the Church been more open about sex --- I don't think so. I'm well aware that we're fighting a losing battle. But God doesn't give up on us - and neither does the Church =)

The truth of sex is not obvious because God is not obvious. God is a mystery - we will never be able to understand God because we're so far below Him. We can't see God, but what we can see is Jesus - God in human form. Our bodies / human flesh is the very "logic" of Christianity. God is revealed through our bodies.

God reveals the 'mystery' to us in the bible. There are many images of God's love in the bible, but the 'spousal' image is used far more than any other. The bible begins and ends with marriages - Adam & Eve and Christ & His Church. God's eternal plan is to "marry" us - He stamps this image of love and communion in our very being by creating us male and female - to become one flesh. This man and woman idea which God designed is a replication of "love" as God sees it or wants to reveal to us. Its the same model as His Trinitarian love between Father and the Son which produces the Holy Spirit. Our body proclaims a great mystery - it reveals the meaning of the universe. We were built and designed for love and the union of man and woman is to proclaim the image of God.

What I learn - While sex is a great thing, it's unlikely that God's idea of love when we reach heaven is going to be the best unending orgasm. Its going to be much much better than that! In a way we can't imagine. But for us little creatures (great at the same time to Him) with our limited understanding, sex (as part of a relationship) is a foretaste of the love that God has for us all in the end. How exciting .!.!.!

Still more questions to be answered but they can't all be done in the first talk. To be answered in future!

Feel free to leave questions or thoughts in the comments section =)

Lonely

By Jack Chui

The last few weeks/months have been a difficult one for the STAY ministry. We only run a cell group each Sunday after morning mass and most times there are very few people coming and sometimes none at all. Its all part of the widely known and difficult challenge of running a young adults/youth ministry. I don't mind failure as I've learnt its Holy Spirit which has to do most of the work, and He decides whether how this ministry ultimately goes.

Its more difficult because I seem to be operating alone. Jean is there but she will leave soon to much greater things =) and when she goes, it will be even more lonely. Being the only leader means I have to do everything and the problem is that I can't. Some things are easy, like sending emails and setting up cell group, but there are functions which I'm not able to do because I'm one person.

Some of the things that the ministry needs that has been lacking in me is being in relationship with the others in STAY. I just have no time to build relationships with people because I'm so busy organising things. Its really relationship that gets people to come to STAY and I've noticed that I just been trying to run a ministry without so much the relationship part.

Another thing I haven't been able to do is to think about what direction and what activities STAY should do. All I know how to do is keep things going. I don't even care enough to pray for STAY and its direction. Have I just assumed that God will work His magic with just me being faithful and just keeping things going?

Its true that the 'successful' youth ministries have a team of leaders and its just too hard for one person to do everything. I've not asked anyone to help me lead so much because no one has really come on a consistent basis. Its just hard with young people as we have so much other stuff to do over the weekend and sometimes they can't always attend. I myself suffer from the same problem but I choose to give my time on Sundays for ministry. Could it be that the timing doesn't suit most people? Either way I think that if its on a weeknight, it would still have the same problem --- there is no good time to meet?

I've been thinking of what STAY should do in the future. Is there actually a need for a young adults ministry in St. Augustine's? The young people must be going somewhere (I hope). Perhaps it just needs to transform into something less formal, much more relationship based. Church is still a place to meet and welcome new people and I'm grateful that STAY has been welcome to many youth who have come to the church over the last few years.

I've been putting off writing about the STAY Ministry for some time, but its useful to share my thoughts and feelings so that those who aren't able to make it, that have come and can not come back, can see what is going on in STAY. Please pray for me, STAY and the young people who we come across.

The Proposal

By Jean Cheng

1^st of June, 2013. The man I love told me he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me and asked me if I would allow him to. Where do I even begin to describe what I am feeling deep within me?

Overwhelmed is probably the word that captures it. Overwhelmed that as much as there is a small voice in me that says I am unworthy of such love, the world seems to keep pouring out such love to me anyway, forcing me to receive the truth that worthy or not – it doesn’t matter – I am deeply loved. I am deeply loved. I am deeply loved.

I am deeply loved by God. I told God that if and when Marcus proposed, I needed a special thing from God… I needed God to also propose to me. I told God, “Let me know that BOTH of you are proposing.” I want Marcus AND God. After all, this relationship has always been one that involves the three of us. It has never been just Marcus and I working at our relationship, but always God working at it with us. Often, it takes those moments when we have been consumed by our fears and worn out from trying to fix each other and ourselves, that we see God’s presence most. Time and time again, God has shown up and reassured us that He is with us. Time and time again, God has reassured us that it is not just me choosing Marcus, or Marcus choosing me, it is also God choosing us. (This is particularly clear to me considering how I was previously in a relationship where my ex and I sought God too but God always felt absent there). So how would God propose to me? I didn’t know but I told God that I didn’t want to make up things in my head to make myself believe that God proposed too, I wanted to know deep in my heart that God was proposing. And God, being God, would know how to grip my heart.

So on June 1, my two good friends told me they were taking me on a birthday pilgrimage around the churches where we would pray together. This made sense because as friends would say, “Jean likes this kind of things”. And I have never done a birthday pilgrimage before, so I was pretty psyched and excited to have friends wanting to do this for me. We met at the first church, St Francis, and they prayed the rosary for me. Then they said the next stop would be my parish church, St Augustine’s church. So off we went. When we reached St Augustine’s, they asked me to close my eyes. I thought “WHY!! Is it because there is a group of people in church with a birthday cake ready to shout surprise?!!!!” Haha… so stupid. 

When I opened my eyes, I saw the roses on the floor shaped in a heart shape and was like erm…… that’s abit weird. I mean it didn’t make sense that two girls would romance me that way. Then they passed me a book and when I opened it, there were pictures of Marcus and I as well as a message and story unfolding. This was followed by a video played on the church wall, which captured our memories. It ended off with a video of Marcus playing the violin then it stopped. I was alone in church.

I turned around, and from the back of the church, Marcus (he was not supposed to be in Melbourne yet!) walked in and continued the song with the violin all the way till he got to the front, knelt down, and asked me the four words, “Will you marry me?”. I said yes, and as we hugged, it suddenly dawned upon me…

… Marcus was kneeling down at the same spot that I had knelt down 4 years ago, completely broken at the death of my previous relationship and the death of a dream that God would actually bless me with my dream of a marriage and a family life – a dream I have had before any other dream, probably since the age of 4.

4 years ago, on that same spot, people were praying over me while I wept uncontrollably. There, I received 2 messages. First, “God wants you to know that He will bless you with the man who is EVERYTHING that your heart desires”. When I heard the word “everything”, it shot through my heart – as though God was truly affirming me that He is not a stingy God, He is a generous one, one who can do the IMPOSSIBLE, and one who WANTS to do the impossible for me.

My next thought was, “But how can this be? I have done my best at being the perfect gf and still, it is not enough. I am not good enough to ever be in a relationship”. At this, I received my second message: “All you need to do is to keep your eyes on God”. Again this message shot through my heart and moved me to tears of relief and joy. I did not know how to be in a successful relationship, but I knew how to keep my eyes on God. It was as if God was telling me that what I was on the right path. I just needed to continue and wait, don’t give up. I have always remembered these words whenever my relationship with Marcus has been shaken with testing and tribulations. Always, when I looked at God, God helped us. Always, He reminded me that “Fear not. I am HERE – in THIS relationship with you and Marcus. It is our relationship. Three in one”.

So when Marcus proposed on that very spot where I was broken and received God’s promise and hope, it was like God saying, “See, I am true to my word. I can do ALL things. And blessed is she who believes that the promise made her by the Lord will be fulfilled. (Luke 1: 45)”. I don’t think Marcus would have ever known the significance of that spot. That part was from God. God proposed.

But it is not just God who loves me, but a man – who naturally has human weaknesses – who still chooses to love me and want me over and over again, in spite of the human struggles. This man is one who loves, cherishes, honours, and protects me in a way that no one has or can (given the unique nature of a romantic relationship) – in a way that constantly brings heaven’s love to me.

He spent so much time and effort to make this day so special and romantic for me (knowing how much I love to be romanced:P), despite his long and hectic work hours. I can’t believe all that he went through for… me. A part of me feels so unworthy of such love, but the fact that Marcus did all that for me is his way of telling me and fighting against my doubts to show me that I am worthy in his eyes.

When I think about how Marcus has been to me in the last 3 years of our relationship, I realize that I have said yes to living my life with a man described in Ephesians 5: 26-28. These are not just words, but flesh in Marcus. Can it really be possible that such a man exists? Yes, I believe that everyone can be such a man, it’s a choice – but it’s not an easy choice to make. Yet, over and over again, Marcus chooses to make a choice to be such a man for me. Being with him, I find myself living a life more and more fully every single day. 

Earlier, I said God chose that spot to propose to me. As for Marcus, he chose to propose to me in St Augustine’s, my parish church. The church that has seen me though the ups and downs of my life in the last 8 years. He chose to propose in front of the tabernacle, in the presence of God, Mother Mary, the angels and the saints. This is a man who knows what my heart desires – my heavenly family. This is a man who knows what is most important and meaningful for me. This is a man who knows me. I am marrying and spending the rest of my life with a man who KNOWS me. And this man, knowing me for all that I am – my strengths and my weaknesses – wants to hold my hand for the rest of his life. It is so scary and yet he wants me not just for the moment, but for eternity. Words fail to describe how blessed, lucky, and excited I am. 

I am deeply loved too by my family and friends who are soooooooo happy for me and celebrating with me. I feel so humbled that I am loved THIS much. Overwhelming. I feel like I better understand why we are called to live as one body – because when part of the body is hurting, the other parts hurt along with it; when one part rejoices, the other rejoices with it. Previously sharing my sorrows with others helped lighten my load and made the sufferings slightly sweeter to bear. Now, sharing my joy with all my loved ones, I really really really feel my joy multiplied exponentially. Thank you all so much for being my companions in my journey, for reminding that sad or happy, I am never alone.

“Happy is she who believed that the promise made her by the Lord would be fulfilled.” (Luke 1: 45) Yes Lord, you are a faithful God who offers life to the fullest (John 10:10). Like my Mother, all I can say is, “My soul proclaims the greatness of the Lord; my spirit rejoices in God my savior. For he has looked upon his lowly handmaid. The Mighty One has done great things for me, and Holy is His name” (Luke 1: 46-49). My life is yours, God, and entrusted to you, Marcus.

May our prayer be that it is always be Marcus, Holy Spirit, Jean for now and eternity. =)

P.s. Our stories of God are uniquely our stories of God. For those of you who are struggling in your stories at this very moment, no words can even begin to speak of the pain and sufferings you currently bear. I truly pray that your God will show you how He is YOUR living God and how much He loves you. Till then, may He carry you with His comfort and love all the days of your life.