By Pat Pagulayan
“I want to be a health-buff, money-smart, independent woman.”
This is what I wrote more than a year ago on my “Self Improvement” file. I said to myself, this is going to be my purpose, my goal, my vision for myself. I was in the gym for probably more hours than what was considered healthy, took dance, combat, tennis classes, joined a business venture, travelled, and took up my Masters among other things. From an outsider’s point of view, I was living the life. But deep inside something was badly missing - I felt empty, I felt unsettled.
Then I started asking: I had a purpose and was successfully doing everything to achieve it, where can I possibly go wrong?
Well, obviously, as I eventually realised, it is because God was not in the picture.
In saying so, even if I
would like to believe that now God is in the picture, living a purpose-driven
life is not a straightforward thing. It doesn’t necessarily follow that once
you focus your purpose on God, there will no longer be any confusion nor is it
a guarantee that you will no longer feel empty. Primarily I think one way or
the other, there are still other things that drives our life such as fear, need
for approval, resentment, and guilt, and it is only through God’s constant help
and love that we will be able to let the purpose that God has for us to drive
our lives.
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