Firebrandz Worship Night - Bringing Scriptures to Life

April 30, 2014

Speaker: Kenny Antony Soosai

We had the pleasure of having with us Kenny, one of the founders of StAY and a man with a great gift of knowledge and teaching, talk to us about Bringing the Scriptures to Life.

He shared with us his personal Bible journey, helpful tips on how to choose a Bible, how to navigate through it, and other tools to help us in our Bible study. He also shared with us different ways on how to study the Bible and gave several examples on how the Scriptures in the New Testament connects to events in the Old Testament.

Most importantly, he has shown how the Scripture is not just a book, but the living word that we can rely on and is very much applicable in our daily lives.

Just as Peter has denied Jesus thrice in front of a charcoal fire, He has given Peter the chance to declare his love for Him thrice in a charcoal fire that He built. Such a wonderful testimony of forgiveness and hope that no matter how much we stuff up in our lives, our Lord not only gives us second chances and a clean slate, but gives His total trust in us, just as He has entrusted Peter to feed and tend His sheep.

This is just one of the many beautiful stories of love evident in His written Word. By studying and immersing ourselves in His Word, not only do we get a deeper understanding of God's love and His ways, but we are also called to obedience to Him, to live His Word in our lives, and to pass it on.

Lent Reflections

Dear all,

Today I begin my fast for lent, and this lent I am doing something I've done before and seen others do - and that's to read the daily mass readings each day (morning preferably) and write a small reflection/sharing. I wish to share this with you not as a way to show off (hopefully) but to encourage and give God a chance to speak through me and so you can hold me to account. I’ll try to keep them short but they probably won't be so spectacular. If any of you don't think this is appropriate then please let me know. Thanks in advance for being my friends that I feel comfortable to share myself with you.

Jack Chui

Day 1 – March 5, 2014 (Ash Wednesday)

First reading: Joel 2:12-18

Second reading: 2 Corinthians 5:20-6:2

Gospel: Matthew 6:1-6, 16-18

Two things that spoke to me from the readings. The first is from the first reading and about fasting as a show of repentance. We learnt about it last night in our study of fasting. I'm often at fault and while forgiveness is important for me, I tend to look for ways to squirm out of making up for it. Perhaps I take for granted too much that Jesus paid the price for my sin and so I don't have to suffer so much to make amends. Fasting such as this (if this can be called one) might help me pay back or at least indicate more that I am sorry.

The second thing that hits me came from reading the gospel - what is the purpose of my fast. I had done fasts before for lent but some of them were kind of for selfish reasons like going to mass every morning to be more on time reaching work. Am I doing these readings to further my relationship with God? Or am I showing off by sharing these with everyone here. I pray it’s much more the first reason and that you keep me accountable to that.

Day 2 – March 6, 2014

First reading: Deuteronomy 30:15-20

Gospel: Luke 9:22-25

The readings today don't speak to me much so writing this will be difficult. It seems I have everything I could possibly need/want in life - a good job, place to live, freedom to travel, money, good health, a partner and a good relationship, good friends, good family. I try to do good things - life is so good now for me that I have little to complain or worry about. I have God in my life too though it’s hard to care about God when things are so good. So I wonder, what is my cross that I have to carry for Him? If I don't have a cross to pray for help about, how can I identify myself with the lost sheep who can struggle so much each day? God has blessed me greatly (for now) as per the first reading but it does make me a bit complacent about God.

Day 3 – March 7, 2014

First reading: Isaiah 58:1-9a

Gospel: Matthew 9:14-15

Is my fast really a fast? This reading and reflecting does bring me to pray/think about God more and is a give up of my normal time (though I would say it should be part of my normal time). But it’s not helping the needy via alms giving as per the 1^st reading. I have to do something extra to give more to the poor/needy and in this way, I think the sacrifice I make for lent will be one that denies more of myself and brings more of God into His kingdom. I could say I do a lot already for the refugees and that's enough to fulfil my fasting requirement, but if this fast is going to be a 'real fast' then I have to push for something more than what I currently do as lazy as I can be. Does it cost me enough?

Day 4 – March 8, 2014

First reading: Isaiah 58:9b-14

Gospel: Luke 5:27-32

The Gospel reading today reminds me of Jesus’ love for the lost sheep. He was for us sinners. I have a few certain professions which I love to hate or despise because it seems to me their aim in life is to rip people off for lots of money (tax collectors as like this) or to cause as much grief as possible (exaggeration). I should try and love these people too and not just those other lost sheep who struggle with life.

Day 5 – March 10, 2014

First reading: Leviticus 19:1-2, 11-18

Gospel: Matthew 25:31-46

I am generally good at following rules. I think I was well drilled by my mother about the rules and the bad consequences that would occur if I didn't follow them. That was good early on, but when things for more complicated in life - e.g. dating, I found them hard because there was no set rules.

Now I am better able to follow the law of my heart which the Holy Spirit has implanted in me, but before I was mature enough, I needed rules to help me be good. It’s how God taught the people in the Old Testament and so it is how our parents have to teach us, so I don't hold any hard feelings for people who need rules in their life - e.g. like the church sets rules.

I have been keeping in touch with Australian news while I'm in Singapore and I read one shocking story about how a paedophile was taught that abusing children, while illegal, was not wrong and that it was good for them. It makes me wonder whether I myself have been taught the correct and all the rules. If I haven't, I pray that God will convict me of the unloving things I do that I think are ok.

Day 6 – March 11, 2014

First reading: Isaiah 55:10-11

Gospel: Matthew 6:7-15

The first reading from Isaiah was the part that spoke to me the most. It contained a great message of God’s promise that His will be done through all of us no matter how much we botch things up. Like the words say, “its like the rain, it doesn't return without watering the earth which out of no effort of our own, the plants grow”. So I have to be open to receiving the Word like the earth receives the rain, and somehow God will do the rest.

I guess I have seen this for real with STAY and its other ministries. I didn't do that much but be open to others’ suggestions and somehow God must have done something to make it grow. While I can see this living out currently, it would be hard to believe in God’s promise if it’s difficult to see anything good happening around.

I hope that more people can see God’s will move through STAY that it can encourage more people (esp. those that need it the most) to believe in His promise, especially when things look hopeless.

Day 7 – March 12, 2014

First reading: Jonas 3:1-10

Gospel: Luke 11:29-32

The readings today remind me of whether I would be receptive of people trying to correct me. The people in Jesus’ time were stubborn to change - believing that their way of doing things is the right and sometimes the only way. I might be subject to the same sort of stubbornness in things I think I'm good at because of my experience - like in relationships and in leading ministries like STAY.

I pray for more humility (like the people of Nineva) to be receptive to the Lord's gentle and not so gentle guidance through all His people.

Day 8 – March 13, 2014

First reading: Esther c:12, 14-16, 23-25

Gospel: Matthew 7:7-12

Ask, seek, knock. It’s a great Gospel about prayer. I like the first reading of Queen Esther’s prayer and it makes me reflect on my 'ask'. I haven't been asking too much in prayer probably because I don't actually know what to ask for. My prayers when I was young were simple - please help me pass my exams or something tangible of that sort. But as I listen to others pray that have been praying longer, and also going through periods where it can be uncertain whether God actually helped me through things like exams, I have become more careful and general about what to pray for. It’s like I seem to know what God can do from my own past experience and I use that to shape my prayers to be one of help. I wonder if I have boxed God in by my narrow experience.

I have also wondered whether I don't ask enough because I don't believe in God’s power to work, or that because He loves us so much He will do it anyway if it’s what He wants us in His will.

Day 9 – March 14, 2014

First reading: Ezekiel 18:21-28

Gospel: Matthew 5:20-26

The first reading reminds me that good men (like I think of myself) can do bad things as well. It reminded me of a good man I used to work with in the office - a reliable person. He was given a direct report to supervise but this person complained about him being such a bad leader. How could this be? King David as well was a great man and King but he too fell to adultery. I too will not be immune to failure.

The gospel reading reminds me of the price of sin, which is eternal death. That we should repent while we are alive and have the chance on earth - preferably earlier than our dying deathbed. “Come to terms with your opponent in good time while you are still on the way to the court with him, or he may hand you over to the judge and the judge to the officer, and you will be thrown into prison.”

Day 10 – March 15, 2014

First reading: Deuteronomy 26:16-19

Gospel: Matthew 5:43-48

A bit weird but the part of the readings of today which strikes me the most is in the first reading about how God would be God for the people if they followed His ways. It speaks to me of conditional love - where I will only love you if are/do x, y, and z. How can God be this way in the Old Testament?! The Old Testament was a story about salvation, where the Israelites kept failing God and God kept saving His people. I am reminded by a sharing of an old cell group member - God’s love is unconditional, but our love is conditional. Thank God for unconditional love and teach me what how we are to love.

Day 11 – March 17, 2014

First reading: Daniel 9:4b-10

Gospel: Luke 6:36-38

As powerful the gospel reading is, it is the first reading that reminds me of my sin - this time about paying the price for our wrong. I am called to make good for the wrong I’ve done even though I don't want to.

In the first Moving day of the year, I drove the hire truck and it was going so well and then I swiped the taillight from a parked car with the rear of the truck just at the end of the pick-up session when I was home free. I heard there was something wrong and a part of me thought - just keep driving - the car owner won't know who damaged his car if he's not there. I didn't want to pay the price of repair but I knew it was the wrong thing to walk away - it is just not very loving to the other person.

There are other times like these where I feel more grateful for God’s mercy - in that He forgave me such that I would not really have to pay anything. With my wrongs to others I am at their mercy and sometimes it’s not as 'lenient' as that of God - one reason I love God so much. =)

Day 12 – March 18, 2014

First reading: Isaiah 1:10, 16-20

Gospel: Matthew 23:1-12

The gospel reading of the Pharisees warns me not to do things for show but put the burden on others without wanting to lift a finger myself to help them. I am guilty of it myself sometimes as the 'leader' of STAY now having everyone’s 'respect' and so being able to 'boss' people around and telling them what to do - some of those things are tasks which I just don't like doing and don't want to do any more. I should not justify myself by saying that I used to do it all before. I must pray that I can be humble and see myself as that same man who like everyone starts with nothing and ends this life on earth with nothing.

The image of our sins being like scarlet and crimson turning to snow and wool is quite 'vivid' to me - it gives me comfort from yesterday thinking about sin and forgiveness and how complete God’s forgiveness is and how much Jesus paid / sacrificed to turn our red blood stains into white again.

Day 13 – March 19, 2014 (Solemnity of St. Joseph)

First reading: 2 Samuel 7:4-5a, 12-14a, 16

Second reading: 2 Romans 4:13, 16-18, 22

Gospel: Matthew 1:16, 18-21, 24a

It is the feast day of St. Joseph - husband of Mary the Mother of Jesus. The readings remind me of faith and hope. At mass last Sunday, the priest who was the archbishop of Singapore spoke of 2 things which keeps us going in life - a promise and hope. I've come to understand that faith is the belief in a promise (like the Father’s unconditional love and His forgiveness through Jesus). Hope is the belief in something not guaranteed (like eternal life in heaven and good school grades). I know faith is a gift from God - it seems to explain why some can just believe, and others just don't seem to or find it difficult. I give thanks to the Lord for His gift of faith in me - very childlike =)

I'm not so sure so much how hope is developed and all – it’s one that might be revealed to me in time. For now, today’s readings are about faith and how Joseph and his descendants trusted in God's promise through what us humans would see is close to impossible.

Day 14 – March 20, 2014

First reading: Jeremiah 17:5-10

Gospel: Luke 16:19-31

I'm quite wary of the ways of the world vs. the way of the kingdom - almost to the point that I can be quite cynical of the world and its ways - striving for happiness through pleasure, power and riches. I'm very blessed in a way not to be so caught up in these pursuits. Because somehow from young, I just knew that God would be the right way and the best way - scared of going to help perhaps like the rich man in the gospel. I pray that I can live to being more of the kingdom to the world and help/draw others to do the same.I'm also reminded of the homily the archbishop of Singapore gave - only one thing is certain in life - and that is death. He shared the story of Napoleons dying days after conquering many nations which ill truncate here - his last request after he died was to have his physician carry his coffin to his home town, dropping gold and silver as they walked along and with his hands outstretched and showing from the coffin - to symbolise that:

1. No doctor could save him from death

2. He could not bring riches with him

3. That he came into the world empty handed and left the world with empty hands (nothing)

Day 15 – March 21, 2014

First reading: Genesis 37:3-4, 12-13a, 17b-28a

Gospel: Matthew 21:33-43, 45-46

Whenever I read about the Pharisees I think about how am I like the Pharisees. In Jesus' parable he talks about how the Pharisees killed the prophets because they didn't like what they said and/or they threatened their power and standing.

I can be arrogant sometimes thinking that my experience and knowledge is greater than others and so I won’t respect or listen to others feedback for me. I have to remind myself that I can learn from those younger and less experienced than me because if I don't then I can miss out on gaining some hidden wisdom.

Day 16 – March 22, 2014

First reading: Micah 7:14-15, 18-20

Gospel: Luke 15:1-3, 11-32

I have read and listen to many homilies over my years on the parable of the prodigal son and it continues to capture me because it is so rich.

The words that drew me were the first few probably because I have a vision for lost sheep.

The tax collectors and the sinners were all seeking the company of Jesus to hear what he had to say, and the Pharisees and the scribes complained. ‘This man’ they said ‘welcomes sinners and eats with them.’

How do I bring God to the tax collectors and sinners?

I was very fortunate to be able to attend the COSDU meeting last Friday. It was my first time and they are a fantastic group and more developed than STAY. A priest who I knew came to COSDU to talk about The Character of God. He used today's gospel of the prodigal son to help illustrate some of the character traits of God. The one I took out was that of mercy.

Father Chris explained the gospel in the context of the Jewish customs it was written in. There were many hidden details shared but one I can share here is that the town which the father lived in would have ostracise the younger brother because it was a very communal society then and the younger brother had basically disowned his father. The father had to look out beyond the town for his son lest he get beaten up and when he saw him he had to run 'the long way off' to reach him before the others in the town did.

Love is more a characteristic of God which I know but the gospel reminds me of another great characteristic of God which is mercy.

A definition I remember is as follows - Grace is getting what I don't deserve - mercy is not getting what I do deserve.

Day 17 – March 24, 2014

First reading: 2 Kings 5:1-15

Gospel: Luke 4:24-30

I will take Jesus’ word for it that a prophet is never accepted in their own country. Too much would be known about me and my past in Sydney and I would be more scared of being so spiritual around people that I grew up with. Do I on the other side not listen to the advice of people (like in STAY) because I know their backgrounds?

I remember reading an excellent breakdown of today’s readings a few years ago and so ill credit this next insight I take out to someone else. In the first reading Naaman was expecting to be cured in a grand and amazing way by the prophet Elisha. Instead, Elisha didn't even greet him and sent this servant with the message to bathe himself 7 times in the river Jordan.

Sometimes I expect and pray for a big bang miracle of healing (say) when in fact the miracle is happening in ordinary and repetitive actions (bathing), in ordinary places and in front of ordinary people.

This does a better job of explaining than my reflection - only available today and tomorrow only.

Day 18 – March 25, 2014 (Solemnity of the Annunciation of the Lord)

First reading: Isaiah 7:10-14; 8:10

Second reading: Hebrews 10:4-10

Gospel: Luke 1:26-38

Today is 25 March and is the feast of the Annunciation which is 9 months before the birth of Jesus. So the readings are not in line with the Lenten readings.

The gospel reading of the angel Gabriel announcing to Mary speaks to me about vocation or what I am to do in life or right now. Mary was set on getting married and then all of a sudden she is told she will give birth to a King. Talk about plans getting derailed. I used to more control freak and had to know what was going to happen in my life and be able to control it. I realised very slowly that there were many things I cannot control (mostly people) and have become more comfortable with not knowing everything about everything and what is ahead if me. It’s like being in a dark cave and there's a tiny light where the exit is far off and I only have a torch which shines just in front of me - I'm given just enough information to help me get to the end. If the whole cavern was lit up, then I might just freeze at the many dangers and paths I can take to the end (might not be able to see the light at the end as well). Mary was given just enough light too.

Day 19 – March 26, 2014

First reading: Deuteronomy 4:1, 5-9

Gospel: Matthew 5:17-19

"I have come not to abolish the Laws but to complete them."

These words disturb me because I have arguments with a catholic friend about whether we should eat pork or not. There were 600+ laws created in Moses time but in Jesus saying this, does it mean all of those should still be adhered including not eating pork (arguably my favourite meat)? I know Jesus upped the ante on sins like adultery and murder but perhaps Jesus did something in reverse for pork?

I am mindful of trying not to fall into a trap of believing what I want to believe and challenging myself to believe in what is true, even if I don't like it.

Day 20 – March 27, 2014

First reading: Jeremiah 7:23-28

Gospel: Luke 11:14-23

It’s come to half way and I this fast doesn't seem to be going well. Sleeping too late because there is so much work and then not getting up early enough to be able to write my reflections.

I didn't understand the middle part of the gospel reading so much but the gospel reading reminds me about how God kept trying to reach out to His people even though the people (Israelites) failed Him again and again and got they became worse. It reminds me of Gods great love for me, when He keeps reaching out to me to correct me in my many failures.

Day 22 – March 27, 2014

First reading: Hosea 6:1-6

Gospel: Luke 18:9-14

Skipped yesterday - failed - but doesn't mean I give up on this fast.

I can fall into a trap of feeling self-righteous because I do lots of good things, I treat everyone well and go to church and feel like I will be assured or deserve a place in heaven. A friend constantly complains that sometimes he works so hard to win over a girl and thinks he 'deserves' a relationship with her because of it - and I remind him that work doesn't always equal reward.

I have to remind myself that while good works are a good sign, it is not by my own effort by which I am 'saved' - but by Jesus death and His grace (of which I did not earn or deserve).

Day 23 – March 31, 2014

First reading: Isaiah 65:17-21

Gospel: John 4:43-54

The gospel today talks to me about signs. I think it’s hard to believe when there aren't signs. I'm lucky to have been given a quite childlike gift of faith but for those who don't believe, it must be so hard to believe in a God like the one I know.

Why doesn't God put more signs out in the world so that more will believe?

I have learned that there are 2 ways to increase faith - pray for more faith or 'fake it to make it' - pretend you have more faith and act like you do. I think I have been playing the 2^nd way the most as I haven't been praying a lot and some can say that doing crazy things like lead a young adults ministry or organise a moving day has yielded great fruit and is a sign that God is for real and that he does care.

So maybe I have to go out there more for Gods signs to work through me.

Day 24 – April 1, 2014

First reading: Ezekiel 47:1-9, 12

Gospel: John 5:1-16

I must have a soft spot for Pharisees. Because what struck me the most was their set ways and deviance from it is considered bad or wrong. They could not see the good that is happening and focus on the rule breaking - they ignored the fact/joy of seeing a man who has been lame for 38 years walk. I can be like the Pharisees as well in my leadership of STAY, where I think my way is the best way, and everyone else's way is not as good and won't be as effective. I'm trying to think instead that everyone else has better ideas than me as a way to counter my bad thoughts.

Day 25 – April 2, 2014

First reading: Isaiah 49:8-15

Gospel: John 5:17-30

I'm struggling to reflect on this one because there is so much in the readings today. The gospel talks about Jesus relationship with His Father which is complex but very humbling - he is just doing the will of the Father.

The first reading speaks to me of God’s perfect timing. It always seems late to me as I pray for something to happen desperately, but in hindsight, in His time - it was done to give Him glory. He knows more than I do.

Day 26 – April 3, 2014

First reading: Exodus 32:7-14

Gospel: John 5:31-47

It was the word 'remember' from the first reading that spoke to me the most. The Jews often forgot about the good works that were done by God after a while and took it as given - I can see that I can be like the Jews as well - no wonder all those failings from the Jews kept happening in the Old Testament! I pray that that I can remember the wonders God had brought to my life so that when things go bad again, I won’t turn away and make it worse - but just hang in there.

Day 27 – April 4, 2014

First reading: Wisdom 2:1a, 12-22

Gospel: John 7:1-2, 10, 25-30

The gospel today made me think about how I might write people off because I know their past and what they have done. Jesus was not considered special in his home town because he grew up with them. It’s easier to write them off as “not capable” than to keep them in and hoping something good will happen. God did not give up on me through my failures and so I should not give up on others.

The other part I liked about the gospel is how Jesus always points to his father and serves Him to glorify Him. I pray that I can be more humble like Jesus to do things to glorify God.

Day 28 – April 5, 2014

First reading: Jeremiah 11:18-20

Gospel: John 7:40-53

The gospel for today reminds me of how stubborn I can be, like the Pharisees, in believing that their/my own way is best/correct. Last night, the STAY leaders gathered for a meeting, the first to talk about all the ministries in STAY. It was raised that the Friends of Refugees, which I help look after, could be organised better because the organisers are working very late nights before the Moving Day. I thought there was no real way of avoiding all the work because I set it up and knew how it had to be done, and so I was not so open to the suggestions who hadn't 'been in the fire'. I can be like the Pharisees, defending my way and pride and not being open to change/criticism.

Day 29 – April 7, 2014

First reading: Daniel 13:1-9, 15-17, 19-30, 33-62

Gospel: John 8:1-11

The gospel reading today of the woman caught in adultery reminds me to look at my own sin before that of others. Well, in fact, I should leave the sin in others for God and look to see others as God sees them.

In most conflicts I am usually the one at fault and so I am usually asking for forgiveness rather than giving it. So receiving so much forgiveness has allowed me to forgive more easily - though difficult to forgive situations have not been common in my life.

I love St. Paul's words - I am the most loved by God because I am the greatest sinner and I have been forgiven the most.

Day 30 – April 8, 2014

First reading: Numbers 21:4-9

Gospel: John 8:21-30

The first reading today reminds me of an OT/NT link which Kenny had shared with STAY in the past. The serpents bit the people after they complained to God about the food and if they look at a bronze serpent they would live. It’s the same with man - man is like the serpent and our sin (venom) causes death. But if we look at the bronze serpent who has no venom (no sin) put up on the standard (or cross) then we will also not die and we will live. So if I look at Jesus - I will live and not die from sin. =)

Day 31 – April 9, 2014

First reading: Daniel 3:14-20, 91-92, 95

Gospel: John 8:31-42

Today's first reading combined with some of Fritz’s talk last night reminds me about how hard it can be to live in this world. We are bound by laws and judges that can put us to jail, processes that determine where we can live and what jobs we can get, money as the dominating currency - with all this so in our face it can be hard to believe in a kingdom like heaven.

I'm lucky in my environment that I haven't been persecuted so much for being who I am (perhaps I tone it down a bit to fit into this world). I admire those with faith that continue believing in the face of opposition that they can face in this world.

One really cool quote to share here that is kind of related - I heard this when I was in Singapore and hope to say this with more confidence.

Those with little faith who come to STAY will get to see Heaven. Those with great faith will bring Heaven to earth.

Day 32 – April 10, 2014

First reading: Genesis 17:3-9

Gospel: John 8:51-59

The theme of the 2 readings today for me is 'craziness'. How do I believe in crazy promises? God promised Abraham that he would be the Father of many with his barren wife. Jesus talks about how he existed before man to the Jews.

These promises are great, but I would probably dismiss them because of the remoteness of how they could be from where I am now. One promise I struggle with (less now) is that of my vocation - that God knows what is best for me and knows the path that will be in my best interests. I will throw up heaps of excuses to say why I’m not open to the priesthood even though I support it with others and that I should be open to it. I'm not really giving God a chance with this part of my life. Crazy.

Day 33 – April 11, 2014

First reading: Jeremiah 20:10-13

Gospel: John 10:31-42

The gospel spoke to me about signs and how it leads me to believe in God. Jesus said to at least believe in the work he does – it’s easier to believe there is a God this way.

It makes me think of those stories I hear about healing - that it happens when someone is terminally ill and there is no other hope. So that there is no doubt the healing came from God - and not because of another God, or a doctor, or change in lifestyle although those things can help. God can be so last minute at times, but His timing brings Him glory.

I have not faced much persecution like Jeremiah in the first reading or Jesus in the gospel, but Jeremiah’s cry calls me to trust in God who is unseen by my enemies that He will have the final say even though I am powerless to change my situation.

Day 34 – April 12, 2014

First reading: Ezekiel 37:21-28

Gospel: John 11:45-56

God promises through His prophet Ezekiel to unite His people. This is such a great change that unfathomable at that time of nations and conflict. Like the Jews in gospel, I am conscious of my unwillingness to change.

I look back on my life and how I have become who I am, speaking in front of groups and churches - having come from a boy who used to cry in drama classes. I have changed so much my friends back then probably would take a while to believe what kind of person I am today. God can make the stubborn like me change amazingly.

The gospel reminds me of the need for me to let go of my leadership of STAY, to be open to others to lead that they have the chance to do things that can take the ministry and its people to a higher place than I can. As good and better that I think I am like the Pharisees, I must learn to be more open to the Jesus's around me that while they can shake things up, that I can see God work through them the way God uniquely works through me.

Day 35 – April 14, 2014

First reading: Isaiah 42:1-7

Gospel: John 12:1-11

This is last week before Easter and this makes me think about what a person might feel/go through when they/I know there's only a few days left to live. Would I be in fearful panic and/or making the most of everyday?

Jesus accepted the lavish gift of Mary and did not turn it away for some more 'worthy' use. I tend to have a similar attitude because I don't spoil myself a lot, probably because I don't think I'm worthy of it - like when there is so much need out there. While this might sound noble to an extent, I think that hinders me in giving generously because I think that if I'm not worthy then I won't look at others as worthy either.

Day 36 – April 15, 2014

First reading: Isaiah 49:1-6

Gospel: John 13:21-33, 36-38

Today's gospel draws me to look at Peter and Judas and their similarities and differences. They were both good men and both betrayed Jesus. The major/only difference was their fates - Peter knew that he could be forgiven, but Judas did not know this.

How amazing and great is God’s forgiveness!

I'm reminded of a quote I use a lot from a movie about the song amazing grace and the abolition of the slave trade (can't remember movie name). The old blind monk said - There's only two things I've known in life, that I'm a great sinner, but my Lord is greater saviour.

Day 37 – April 16, 2014

First reading: Isaiah 50:4-9a

Gospel: Matthew 26:14-25

Back more than 5 years ago, my Sydney prayer group taught me about being a warrior for His kingdom - that I learn to fight in a war for souls (and my own soul). I like this battle mentality perhaps because I'm a guy, but also because it’s a challenge that hasn't been this way to me before - to win the battle for God (with His help) in this war we look to be losing in the world.

At the same time, they also taught me to surrender. I use the word 'yield' in place of surrender when I heard it in a war movie. I had to yield (took me a while and still not good at it) to receive more of the gifts of the Holy Spirit, but how do I know when to fight and when to yield? I guess it can trip me up.

Jesus yielded to the men around him around his passion. I don't have a great answer to the question, but it might be something like - yield to His will and fight for His Kingdom.

Day 38 – April 17, 2014 (Holy Thursday)

First reading: Isaiah 61:1-3a, 6a, 8b-9

Second reading: Revelation 1:5-8

Gospel: Luke 4:16-21

Evening mass of the Lord's Supper.

Two things in tonight's readings that speak to me. First is that Jesus is the new lamb of the new Passover. The first reading describes the Passover ritual of taking a lamb unblemished, slaughtering it to eat and wipe the blood on the doorposts as a mark that saves and says 'this one is Mine' - can just replace the references of the lamb with the name Jesus in the reading.

The 2^nd for me was that Jesus washed the feet of great sinners like Judas. He served everyone including the one who would betray him. What an amazing God we have that would come to our feet and serve us - that leads by example. I pray that I can be not so selective in who I serve, that I can serve those who might hurt me too.

Day 39 – April 18, 2014 (Good Friday)

First reading: Isaiah 52:13-53:12

Second reading: Hebrews 4:14-16,5:7-9

Gospel: John 18:1-19:42

Good Friday. Long readings which I have heard many times every Good Friday. But a few things stood out to me.

The first reading from Isaiah prophesised the crucifixion of the king - and in more graphic detail than the gospel - just amazing how that could be written and it hadn't even happen yet when it was written!

The first reading and the gospel also speak to me about how Jesus came to do the Father’s will. Jesus says to Pilate - Yes, I am a king. I was born for this, I came into the world for this: to bear witness to the truth; and all who are on the side of truth listen to my voice.

I think to act out God’s will Jesus had to trust God - he could because He came from him, but I am called to do the same - to trust in His will for my life even though it is as crazy as carrying the cross to Golgotha.

The last part that spoke to me is that of forgiveness. I'm pretty big on forgiveness (because I have to ask for a lot of it). I was reminded of a friend in another cell group saying that forgiveness helps ourselves more than the other because it allows us to let the burdens go. I didn’t counter at the time but didn't think it was right - just too selfish and it’s not quite the way of the Kingdom. Jesus did not take our sins or forgive us for himself. He did it for us. Forgiveness I am told is the greatest act of love, and we can only forgive truly if I can love the person that I am forgiving – it’s hard and it doesn't always happen - but that's the challenge I am set as a Christian. Forgiving is an act of love for the benefit of the other person.

Day 40 – April 19, 2014 (Holy Saturday)

The last day of Lent - there are lots of readings so instead I will reflect on how the whole lent and fasting experience has been for me.

For those new here, my fast for Lent was to pray and read the scriptures for 40 days and share a reflection on them each day. Overall I don't think I did too badly - missing one day and some were written late at night because I had not been getting up early enough to pray as was part if the intent of the fast.

I've done something like this before but with a smaller cell group so it was not new or too challenging to me. It didn't cost me too much (perhaps not enough) but perhaps the main reason I chose to do this is so that it was easy enough for Rui to do it with me.

I wouldn't say I had many if any wow moments like I have heard from others at church this Lent. There has been more prayer which is good but nothing really exciting gained.

I've been through Lent many times and while this fast has been the most formal and accountable of them, it’s kind of like just another Lent. Has it just been too busy during Lent for me to see more of God in my life?

While it would be nice to say that I received much from this Lent, I take joy that I hear from others about how this Lent was different to them, and for some an amazing time of discovery.

So thank you for sharing your moments of Lent with me, for encouraging me and praying for me.

Wishing you all and your families a joyful and most blessed Easter season - 7 weeks of it so no sad faces. =D

Stations of the Cross - A Night to Remember

by Shirley Shim

What did Stations of the Cross mean to me? As a child I remember attending Stations of the Cross in church year after year. It was something I associated with Good Friday and Easter as we only had it during Lent. To me it felt more like a ritual, something I had to do for Lent, something I sat through, sometimes with a passion of Christ on the side, sometimes in candlelight, sometimes long, sometimes boring. When I came to Melbourne more than 4 years ago, I started joining the Good Friday Ecumenical walk through the city and I enjoyed it tremendously as it was something fun to do with friends and the walks from church to church was always enjoyable. All these years I've participated in the Stations of the Cross, but did I grasp its true meaning? Did I truly understand the reason for the cross? 

It was only after last night's Station of the Cross at St Augustine's that I finally understood how empty my stations of the cross had been in the past. If I had not been involved in the Liturgical Dance I might not have even come to church - it being a Wednesday night, I had to get to work early the next day, the weather was bad, and the traffic was worse. Thank you to Stay for organising this Stations and for getting me involved!

Getting to church early, I was only concerned about the dance and not concentrating on preparing myself for the Stations. The last time I was on a stage performing was probably in high school and I was nervous having to dance in front of a crowd - what if I froze? what if I missed a step? what if I collided with Chrissy? A pep talk from Bella certainly helped, reminding us that we're doing this for God, that it was not a performance but it was a prayer for God. So I just had to remind myself that this is for God, it is not for myself, it is not for the group, it is not for the congregation, but it is for Jesus - and that calmed me.

With all the prep and anticipation of the dance, I was not prepared for the stations itself. It started off with a beautiful song and dance by Rory, Kim, Aaron and Bella. The singing was amazing, and the dance just so graceful. I was still so mesmerised by the song and dance that it still didn't occur to me that this was the beginning of Jesus' journey to the cross. So when Dane started narrating and leading the 1st station, I was caught so unawares by his powerful words and reflection questions. It brought me back 2000 years ago to that scene when Jesus was condemned to death and the reason He was condemned to death - it was for me. 

Going from station to station, with the powerful words and soul searching questions, I just felt myself getting more and more emotional and overwhelmed. My eyes started tearing up and I felt this immense sadness and at the same time this overwhelming love from Jesus. God sacrificed His Son for me - Jesus went through all that suffering, condemnation, being beaten and tortured, spat upon, treated like an animal, being alone, rejected, being the sacrificial lamb, all this for me. Was I worth it? I didn't think so, but by the grace of God, He thinks so, and Jesus suffered all that for me, that I may be saved. For the first time in my life, it became clear what the Stations of the Cross meant to me. The Stations of the Cross was my saving grace.

By the end of the stations, I was so immersed in the passion of Christ that when we started to dance, we were truly dancing for God. It was a prayer to God, we were truly yearning for God, we were proclaiming Jesus as our saviour, and we were thanking Jesus for loving us, for dying on that cross for us, and for saving us. It was my most memorable Stations of the Cross, a turning point in my life... 

(picture courtesy of Laura - Thanks Laura!)

On John 11:1-45

By Pat Pagulayan

“Jesus cried in a loud voice, ‘Lazarus, here! Come out!’ The dead man came out, his feet and hands bound with bands of stuff and a cloth round his face.”

We are Lazarus. Like Lazarus, we are dead; stuck in the graves of our current lives. It may be the difficult trials, challenging situations, or huge burdens that we are facing right now. Oftentimes, being in our grave is not about having a huge problem in front of us, but can be the feeling of being stuck in loneliness, pain, anger, addiction, betrayal, doubt, envy, shame. Sometimes it can even be the mere lack of direction in life, not knowing where to go or what God wants for us. Like Lazarus, we are isolated in our own graves, where it seems like there is nowhere to go, nowhere to run.

What did Lazarus have to do to come out of his grave?

Nothing. He was a dead man. In fact, he has been dead for four days already.

So how then was a dead man like Lazarus raised?

Simple. He heard Jesus, and by hearing Jesus, he gained new life.

Like Lazarus, that is all we need to do to get out of our own graves: to hear Him. Like how Jesus cried out in a loud voice to call Lazarus, Jesus has also been calling out to us,

“[insert your name], here I am! Come out!”

What are the graves in our current lives that we need to come out of in order to gain new life? Are we hearing Jesus call out to us? More importantly, are we taking the time to listen to Him?

And like Lazarus who waited for four days for Jesus to unbound him into new life, are we patiently waiting on our Lord to unbound us and raise us from our graves?

Moving Day - From a Volunteer

By Shirley Shim

When Refugee Outreach first started at St Augustine's, I must say I had my reservations about participating. I used to wonder about the genuineness of some of the refugees - were they really asylum seekers escaping persecution in their countries or were they just migrants coming into Australia under false pretence? In my own faith journey the past few months, I have learnt that it is not my place to judge anyone and not to question their reasons and intentions but instead to just offer whatever help I can. 

So here I was on my second moving day. I enjoyed my first moving day and was really looking forward to the second. Having visited the refugees the week before to find out what they needed, the thought of finally delivering the goods were quite exciting. Right after the home visits, I decided to send an email to my colleagues to check if anyone had additional items lying around in their houses which they wanted to donate. One of my overzealous colleague decided to forward my email on to the whole building and I ended up with an overwhelming response of donations, which at that time I was afraid that we could not collect everything and we might end up disappointing some people. Through the collective responses from everyone in church who helped spread the word, we ended up with so much that the organisers had to arrange for 3 trucks! And that has got to be the biggest Man with a Van truck I have ever seen. 

It was just fantastic seeing the amount of donations and the numerous volunteers giving up their Sunday for a good cause. It was especially gratifying that my Muslim friend Syed wanted to volunteer with us as well and when I told him it was organised by the church, his response was that it doesn't matter who organises it, what's important is the work for the refugees - something that probably would never have happened back in Malaysia as it was taboo for Muslims there to step into church. 

My day started early on moving day. Since I had already gone for mass the night before I decided to help with sorting as well. Karla was so organised, first getting us to split up all items into 6 different corners of the room - Kitchenware, bedding & linen, clothes, toys, shoes, 'for the bin'. Next splitting the clothes into men's, women's and children, and respective piles for tops, bottoms, winter wear. Once we had them all in their piles and corners, we consulted the board for the dynamics of the refugees on the 3 routes and rearranged them into Truck #1, #2 and #3 corners. By the time mass ended at 11.45am, everything that was left at St Joseph's was sorted, divided into the 3 routes and was ready to be piled into the cars. By that time we were all starving and the sandwiches and samosas that were made and donated by Alex were simply delicious. 

When the trucks started rolling in, we were psyched and raring to go. Route#3 headed far west to Werribee and Hoppers Crossing. Unfortunately at the first home we visited, Ravi and his wife were out, and we were a little disappointed we could not leave much for them. Our next home was Wahidi who was from Afghanistan, he is such a soft spoken and humble man, I was very pleasantly surprised when he declined our offer of lentils as he said he has enough. I was impressed that this man who had probably been living in need while he was at the detention centre was so considerate to only take what he needed and nothing more, leaving the rest for the homes that came after. Kebede from Eritrea was the same, he didn't want to take any more than what he needed. Maybe a hard life teaches us to only accept what we need, not what we want, and leave the excess for others - both of them certainly taught me something. 

By the time the sun had set we had emptied at least two thirds of our Hertz truck, and taken on the rest from the Man with a Van trailer. We had given out so much and yet still ended up with half a truck for Salvos, it just goes to show the enormous generosity of our donors. At the end of the day we were extremely exhausted, but felt satisfied and blessed that moving day went really well. It was certainly fulfilling and I'm sure the other volunteers felt as much joy, love and gratitude being able to serve God and others. 

On John 4:5-42 and John 9:1-41

By Pat Pagulayan

“Come and see a man who told me everything I have ever done! He cannot be the Messiah can he?”

- the Samaritan Woman in John 4:29

“I do not know whether he is a sinner. One thing I do know, that though I was blind, now I see.”

- the Blind Man in John 9:25

Looking at these two gospels from the 3rd and 4th Sunday of Lent, I cannot help but notice the similarities between them - they are both broken, unconvinced witnesses.

The Samaritan woman had five husbands and the one she is with now is not even her husband, thus making her an adulteress. She is living in sin. The blind man, on the other hand, is well, blind. The connotation that people had on him during that time was that either his parents sinned or he did, causing him to have this physical “brokenness”.

Both the Samaritan woman and the blind man are unconvinced witnesses. The Samaritan woman ran to the city asking them, “Come and see a man who told me everything I have ever done! He cannot be the Messiah can He?” while the blind man expressed his uncertainty saying, “I do not know whether he is a sinner. One thing I do know, that though I was blind, now I see.” They do not even know who Jesus is and is not even convinced that He is the Messiah.

And yet, they witnessed. And were very effective ones at that.

Their witness is not a recitation of the Our Father or the Apostle’s Creed! Their statements were not even prayers! And yet the statement the Samaritan woman made has led to other Samaritans in the city to go out to see Jesus, while the blind man challenged the belief of the Jews and shot holes in the defence of the Pharisees.

They simply witnessed using their own (and brief) experiences with Christ. They just stuck to the facts and were even honest about their own uncertainties about Jesus. And yet, they were witnesses of Jesus to others.

And here I am, reciting every Sunday the Apostle’s Creed, “I believe in God, the Father Almighty… I believe in Jesus Christ, His only Son, our Lord….” But how many times I have doubted the Lord and His plans for me? Countless.

These two characters put me to shame.

But above that, the Samaritan woman and the blind man serve as a reminder that in my brokenness and underneath all the doubts and uncertainties, we can be witnesses to Christ using our own experiences with Him.

Moving Day 8 Reflection - Of Volunteers and Tagging

By Jessica Lee

When I first started participating in Moving Days late last year, my focus began with sorting through donations. The task seemed simple enough, separating men clothes, from female clothing and putting them into piles. Children’s clothes are again separated into little boys and little girls. And again with baby clothes, though they were a tad easier to identify as they generally came in pink or blue, and they seldom needed folding since they were tiny.  

The task set my focus to ensure that the appropriate donations went to houses, which had specific needs listed. So my first moving day and following one brought my attention to ensuring the rights things went to right houses. The spreadsheet said so. I was unfortunately slightly detached from my environment having focused on carrying out my designated task for the day. I couldn’t remember a single name of the refugees I had met for the day, despite my initial elation for being able to help where I could.

The next moving day, I promised I would engage the people we were going to meet. For surely, a person is much more important than the material things we had to provide. I dwelled on how I might engage strangers from different nationalities, language barriers and different cultures. So, I made it a point this trip to write all their names down, and so I did. I met Mohamad, his wife Ely, and 2 beautiful sons, Armin and Ramtin. They were an Iranian family whom were featured in our Christmas cheer visits just before FORM took a break for the xmas holidays. We ended our trip meeting a sad soul named Mehdi who carried signs of depression all around him. These were people, people with feelings and needs like everyone I knew, except they seemed more vulnerable and sometimes even a little angry. When some of them did wear a cheerful front, my heart only felt admiration that these souls were so strong. Strong enough to rise above their lost of control in making choices in their lives and that they could do nothing but wait. They wait on faceless people and a system that held their fates, and still they smiled and welcomed us into their homes. I was humbled by the experience (still am), and yet feeling very blessed to have seen all I saw. I thought to myself, they have so little to give and yet I keep gaining and growing from my encounters with these people I meet. How does that work really? I usually get a headache trying to comprehend God’s work. Who doesn’t honestly? It’s possibly why people around me tell me “He works in mysterious ways”, to discourage my attempt to give myself a headache. Sensible people.

So, a few Moving Days later, I shared my excitement with everyone on engaging the refugees we meet and help on Moving Days.  I even start Googling their names in advance just to start guessing which country they are from and what languages they might speak. I’m still mixing the languages and I’m glad to have stopped embarrassing myself with bad guesswork on “which country do we think they are from”. 

I was even starting to feel a little good about myself…and then I noticed flurry of activities around me and my seemingly tireless driver for the entire day. By Moving day 7, I noticed everyone seemed to know everyone, except me. True, I didn’t attend STAY where most of the volunteers were from but was that really an excuse not to remember their names? A little voice said no.

By providence, Jack assigned the task of looking after the volunteers to me and Karla this Moving Day. It reinforced Fr Peter’s wise words in one of our FORM meetings not long back to ensure we looked after our volunteers as well as we looked after our refugees. The relationship works both ways. “Just like my relationship with God!” I had been thinking- it works both ways. I knew I shouldn’t just keep asking without giving, because that’s pretty selfish. As a child, I learnt how to remember the trait selfish by “sell fish – smelly fish”, which to my child-mind meant not very pleasant. No offence to any fishermans out there, but wet markets in South East Asia can be quite pungent. Funny things we do to remember things.  So, I embarked on engaging our volunteers this week as best as I could. Karla who was also assigned to the same task, to me seemed a natural at this. She engages people like she breathes. So, it was easy to take a few leafs from her book. I decided we needed to have name tags. Jack’s list indicated 30 over volunteers this Moving day. I personally have a photographic memory, so seeing a name registers better in my head than someone telling me their names. The only way I knew how to make someone feel welcomed was by recalling their names, and to do this meant I needed to tag them. Sweet Nicole who kindly asked how she could help was only too enthusiastic to carry out my request of tagging everyone. And she did a terrific job. When she ran out of stickers, she resorted to masking tapes. I couldn’t help but laugh inside wondering if the masking tapes would be difficult to remove from the volunteer’s shirts. Hopefully a little water will do the trick. While the trucks were running behind schedule and donors were ringing with their concerns on delays and pick up times, I couldn’t help but notice the sorting volunteers were calming and cheerfully carrying out their task. Everyone was talking and engaging each other, new friendships were forming and smiles were genuine. Our cars started filtering back with more goods and more volunteers joined us. The tasklist and car lists were all printed beforehand so that no one felt lost or unconsidered. Everyone who chose to be present at St Augustine’s on their Sunday should feel a sense of purpose to be in that hall. My task was to help them find that purpose. I prayed our preparations also gave them a sense of belonging. As their purpose was to help, my hope was that we gave everyone an opportunity to help in any way they could. For I now know that in helping others that I help myself. Though it’s never my intention to gain from these endeavours, I am always hopelessly lost as to why and how I do gain from them.  

I fell sleep remembering names, the list was also a tad longer this time around so that I might ask God to bless each name I recalled on Sunday.