Daily Reflection, 18 October 2014 - How God Looks at You

by Jean Nathalia

Ephesians 1: 15-23

Since, then, I heard of this faith of yours in the Lord Jesus and the practical way in which you are expressing it towards fellow-Christians, I thank God continually for you and I never give up praying for you; and this is my prayer. That God, the God of our Lord Jesus Christ and the all-glorious Father, will give you spiritual wisdom and the insight to know more of him: that you may receive that inner illumination of the spirit which will make you realise how great is the hope to which he is calling you—the magnificence and splendour of the inheritance promised to Christians—and how tremendous is the power available to us who believe in God.

That power is the same divine power which was demonstrated in Christ when he raised him from the dead and gave him the place of supreme honour in Heaven—a place that is infinitely superior to any conceivable command, authority, power or control, and which carries with it a name far beyond any name that could ever be used in this world or the world to come.

God has placed everything under the power of Christ and has set him up as head of everything for the Church. for the Church is his body, and in that body lives fully the one who fills the whole wide universe.

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I thank God for you.

 

How do you respond when someone says those five words to you: “I thank God for you”? Do you cringe? Laugh it off? Shift the attention away? Or do you look steadily back at that person and receive his/her spirit of gratitude for you?

 

How would you respond if St Paul actually said those words to you: “I thank God for you”? Would you think that he has mistaken you for someone else? Would you be comfortable with those words or would you feel that these words belonged to another, but not to you?

 

My response to these five words was clear when I read today’s first reading. I skimmed past those words, believing them to belong to some faithful early community of Christ – not to me. How could they belong to me? I have had my moments of doubt in my faith (and will continue to). I have not always pursued holiness. I have not always been courageous. I have not always loved. I have often chosen to rush through my prayers, rather than to be present in them. I have entertained despair, self-doubt, and self-indulgence. I have chosen to be unkind. I have chosen to be impatient. I have thrown tantrums.

 

Yet, in spite of all of that, there is a small tugging in my heart that St Paul is thanking God for me. Perhaps you feel it too. In spite of all of your weaknesses and sins, perhaps there is a small voice telling you that God is pleased with you. You may not believe it, you may run away from it, it may be only a quiet whisper, but it is there.

 

People have told me that I have a gift for writing beautiful words about them. When they tell me this, they also say that they will try to live up to what I have spoken of them. It frustrates me because it is so hard to convey to them that these are not words they must live up to, rather these words describe who they already are in my eyes. Nevertheless, I understand their struggle to receive these truths about them, for I too struggle.

 

It is so much easier to believe in the curses and condemnations spoken of us, than to believe in good things said of us. It is so much easier to believe that the negative words are truths, and the positive words are flattery. Why are we so afraid to believe in our own goodness? Why am I so afraid to believe in my own goodness?

 

I guess I am afraid because I think it means that I have to do more to “deserve” to be seen as good. But even without doing much, God is already pleased with me. Right now, the saints are thanking God for me. Right now God is looking at me, pleased with what He sees. Just as I yearn for my loved ones to see themselves through my eyes, perhaps it is time for me to see myself through God’s eyes. Perhaps it is time for me to listen to that quiet voice that whispers under all the layers of self-condemnation: You are good.

 

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?' Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” – Marianne Williamson

(Today’s OXYGEN by Jean Nathalia)

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Prayer: Father, I want to see myself through Your eyes. Help me to dare to see what You see and not to run from it.

 

Thanksgiving: We give thanks that God, unlike us, is easily pleased and delighted.

Daily Reflection, 17 October 2014 - Worry Worry Worry

by Jean Nathalia

17 Oct – Memorial for St. Ignatius of Antioch, Bishop and Martyr 

Ignatius (c. 50–107) was a convert from paganism to Christianity. He succeeded Peter as bishop of Antioch, Syria. He served during persecution of Domitian. During the persecution of Trajan, he was ordered to be taken to Rome to be killed by wild animals. On the way, a journey which took months, he wrote a series of encouraging letters to the churches under his care. He was the first writer to use the term The Catholic Church. He was an apostolic father and a martyr. His name occurs in the Canon of the Mass. Legend says he was the infant that Jesus took into his arms in Mark 9.

- Patron Saint Index

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Ephesians 1:11-14

It is in Christ that we were claimed as God’s own,

chosen from the beginning,

under the predetermined plan of the one who guides all things

as he decides by his own will;

chosen to be,

for his greater glory,

the people who would put their hopes in Christ before he came.

Now you too, in him,

have heard the message of the truth and the good news of your salvation,

and have believed it;

and you too have been stamped with the seal of the Holy Spirit of the Promise,

the pledge of our inheritance

which brings freedom for those whom God has taken for his own, to make his glory praised.

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Luke 12:1-7

The people had gathered in their thousands so that they were treading on one another. And Jesus began to speak, first of all to his disciples. ‘Be on your guard against the yeast of the Pharisees – that is, their hypocrisy. Everything that is now covered will be uncovered, and everything now hidden will be made clear. For this reason, whatever you have said in the dark will be heard in the daylight, and what you have whispered in hidden places will be proclaimed on the housetops.

‘To you my friends I say: Do not be afraid of those who kill the body and after that can do no more. I will tell you whom to fear: fear him who, after he has killed, has the power to cast into hell. Yes, I tell you, fear him. Can you not buy five sparrows for two pennies? And yet not one is forgotten in God’s sight. Why, every hair on your head has been counted. There is no need to be afraid: you are worth more than hundreds of sparrows.’

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You too have been stamped with the seal of the Holy Spirit of the Promise

I recently got married and entered into the working world. Although I am grateful to be married to my husband and to have a job that is meaningful to me, certain worries have begun bubbling within. I feel like I have to start preparing to look after a new family when the time comes to have children and to look after aging parents. As such, greater responsibility falls upon my shoulders to learn to manage my finances, to hold onto my job, and to be savvy. In some sense, I feel like I am no longer able to be a carefree child who can get away with not knowing much. I am now an adult¬¬¬–an identity that carries responsibility.

This scares me. There is so much to learn and so little time. What if something happens to my parents? What if I get sacked? What if something happens to my husband? What if we don’t manage our expenses well enough? What if… what if… what if…

In the midst of all my anxieties and worries, I feel the Lord saying, “I am here”. It is, however, so difficult to surrender my worries. I want to know exactly how everything will work out in the end. I want to be in control. Chasing certainty, however, is a futile chase. As the saying goes, ‘Uncertainty is the only certainty in life’. While we cannot be certain of how things will play out, as children of God, we can be certain that God will be there for us. None of us will ever be forgotten in God’s sight. We have been stamped by our God – a promise that He is always for us, and never against us. A promise that He will be faithful to us.

The reality is that I will not be able to rely on myself to handle all the pressures and demands of life. There will be times when life will require me to humbly depend on the assistance of others, particularly during certain storms. Will I trust that wherever life calls me, God’s grace will be enough to carry me through in that season?

I do trust but my stubbornness means that I also do not want to let go of my chase for certainty. Yet, these two desires cannot coexist. Chasing both will only cause me to bounce from left to right, running forwards and backwards.

I need a new desire: freedom. I know that freedom is an active pursuit. Freedom will not simply fall into my lap. It is something I have to cooperate with God in working towards. He will lead the way to freedom, and I must follow. The first step is to let go of my need for control and to do what I can do for now: to learn the ropes of adulthood at a humane pace, and not to expect to learn everything in one day. Tomorrow will bring different steps towards freedom. Only tomorrow, will I be equipped for tomorrow’s call. Let me respond to the call of today.

(Today’s OXYGEN by Jean Nathalia)

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Prayer: Jesus, I choose to trust my life to you again. You are the one who has taken care of me from the time I was conceived in my mother’s womb. You will take care of me through my life. Help me to humble myself to this journey of life and to enter into it with a smile.

Thanksgiving: We give thanks that we have been stamped by the Holy Spirit. We have a Father who will never ever forget and abandon us.

Daily Reflection, 16 October 2014 - Body of Christ

by Jean Nathalia

16 Oct – Memorial for St. Hedwig, Religious; Memorial for St. Margaret Mary Alacoque, Virgin

Hedwig (1174–1243) was the daughter of the Duke of Croatia, and aunt of St. Elizabeth of Hungary. She married Prince Henry I of Silesia and Poland in 1186 at the age of 12, and became the mother of seven. She cared for the sick both personally and by founding hospitals. Upon her husband’s death, she gave away her fortune and entered the monastery at Trebnitz.

- Patron Saint Index

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Ephesians 1:1-10

From Paul, appointed by God to be an apostle of Christ Jesus, to the saints who are faithful to Christ Jesus. Grace and peace to you from God our Father and from the Lord Jesus Christ.

Blessed be God the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ,

who has blessed us with all the spiritual blessings of heaven in Christ.

Before the world was made, he chose us, chose us in Christ,

to be holy and spotless, and to live through love in his presence,

determining that we should become his adopted sons, through Jesus Christ

for his own kind purposes,

to make us praise the glory of his grace,

his free gift to us in the Beloved,

in whom, through his blood, we gain our freedom, the forgiveness of our sins.

Such is the richness of the grace

which he has showered on us

in all wisdom and insight.

He has let us know the mystery of his purpose,

the hidden plan he so kindly made in Christ from the beginning

to act upon when the times had run their course to the end:

that he would bring everything together under Christ, as head,

everything in the heavens and everything on earth.

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Luke 11:47-54

Jesus said:

‘Alas for you who build the tombs of the prophets, the men your ancestors killed! In this way you both witness what your ancestors did and approve it; they did the killing, you do the building.

‘And that is why the Wisdom of God said, “I will send them prophets and apostles; some they will slaughter and persecute, so that this generation will have to answer for every prophet’s blood that has been shed since the foundation of the world, from the blood of Abel to the blood of Zechariah, who was murdered between the altar and the sanctuary.” Yes, I tell you, this generation will have to answer for it all.

‘Alas for you lawyers who have taken away the key of knowledge! You have not gone in yourselves, and have prevented others going in who wanted to.’

When he left the house, the scribes and the Pharisees began a furious attack on him and tried to force answers from him on innumerable questions, setting traps to catch him out in something he might say.

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Answer for it

Any form of structure, discipline, rule, law, program, teaching, is to serve man, and to raise him to the dignity that is worthy of him, as he is made in God’s image. This fundamental truth often gets lost among those in leadership. In pursuing what appears to be the “greater good”, leaders can often forget the individual that the program ought to be serving.

That is why Jesus levels a serious allegation against the lawyers. Lawyers have a tendency to measure men mercilessly against the laws, and thereby make human dignity beneath it. Having stated this, it must be reminded that laws serve a purpose. Laws ensure a common denominator of good and right conduct which protect the vulnerable against the truly depraved. But laws, when applied, must serve man (rather than have men serve laws) – this fundamental principle cannot be lost on leaders.

Our Pope has consistently called out for our Church to meet the poor. This is a fresh way of presenting the issue. Instead of focusing on the “greater good” (i.e., guarding the ninety-nine), our Pope believes that it is time to reframe our vision of the Church as one that goes towards the marginalized (i.e., search for the lost sheep). It is time for leaders to hear the voice of the individual–the person whose cries are important, but whose voice can be easily drowned out by the masses. Simply put, our Pope is leading us away from the insistence of hard doctrine so as to meet the individual who needs to be first loved in order to love.

Applying this new vision of loving the individual (i.e., the poor, the marginalized, the voiceless) in every area of our parish life has a transformative effect. To what extent has our rigid insistence on the previous ways of looking at a matter stifled creativity, suffocated novelty, diminished morale and extinguished passion? Perhaps it is time to stop asking the “what”, “why”, or “how” question, and instead ask the more human question: “who”. Who can I love a bit more? Who can the church serve? Who can my community reach out to?

When we ask “who”, a human face emerges: that is the face that needs Christ – the one that is unable to forgive himself, the one who is thirsting from an unfulfilled life, the one who carries self-rejection, the one who hungers for human affection, the one who longs to be healed, the one who is unable to trust, the one who has been emptied by break ups, the one who has been crushed by superiors, the one who has been betrayed, the one who has been abandoned.

When I ask “who”, I start to realize another person’s deep need for Christ. In a profound way, I realize the responsibility that I have. No longer can I simply blame the environment, society, programs, priests, or church workers for any failure to reach out to that individual, for I too am a part of Christ’s body. I too have a responsibility to respond to the cries of those who around me who are struggling and crying out for Christ (whether or not they realize this). In the words of Jesus, I too have a responsibility to “answer for it”.

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Prayer: Jesus, I do not want to take responsibility over anyone else’s life but my own. Yet, it is only when I start to live for more than myself that I realize that the purpose of my life is connected to the lives of others. Help me to stop living an individualistic life and to start seeing that we are all a part of One body and it is only when we are together, loving each other where we are at, that our joy will be multiplied.

Thanksgiving: We give thanks for those who have tasted our joys and pains with us, and in so doing, helped us realize that we are not alone. May we honour them by giving the same gift to another.

Daily Reflection, 15 October 2014 - Burying Our Shame

by Jean Nathalia

15 Oct – Memorial for St. Teresa of Jesus, Virgin and Doctor Also known as Teresa of Avila, Teresa of Jesus (1515–1582) was born to the Spanish nobility, the daughter of Don Alonso Sanchez de Cepeda and Dona Beatriz. She grew up reading the lives of the saints, and playing at “hermit” in the garden. Crippled by disease in her youth, which led to her being well educated at home, she was cured after prayer to St. Joseph. Her mother died when she was 12, and Teresa prayed to Our Lady to be her replacement. Her father opposed her entry into religious life, so she left home without telling anyone, and entered a Carmelite house at 17. Seeing her conviction to her call, her father and family consented. Soon after taking her vows, Teresa became gravely ill, and her condition was aggravated by the inadequate medical help she received; she never fully recovered her health. She began receiving visions and was examined by Dominicans and Jesuits, including St. Francis Borgia, who pronounced her visions to be holy and true. She considered her original house too lax in its rule, so she founded a reformed convent of St. John of Avila. She founded several houses, often against fierce opposition from local authorities. She was a mystical writer, and proclaimed a Doctor of the Church on 27 September 1970 by Pope Paul VI. She is known for ‘holy wit’. “God, deliver me from sullen saints.” – St. Teresa of Avila - Patron Saint Index ________________ Galatians 5:18-25 If you are led by the Spirit, no law can touch you. When self-indulgence is at work the results are obvious: fornication, gross indecency and sexual irresponsibility; idolatry and sorcery; feuds and wrangling, jealousy, bad temper and quarrels; disagreements, factions, envy; drunkenness, orgies and similar things. I warn you now, as I warned you before: those who behave like this will not inherit the kingdom of God. What the Spirit brings is very different: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, trustfulness, gentleness and self-control. There can be no law against things like that, of course. You cannot belong to Christ Jesus unless you crucify all self-indulgent passions and desires. Since the Spirit is our life, let us be directed by the Spirit. _________________ Luke 11:42-46 The Lord said to the Pharisees: ‘Alas for you Pharisees! You who pay your tithe of mint and rue and all sorts of garden herbs and overlook justice and the love of God! These you should have practised, without leaving the others undone. Alas for you Pharisees who like taking the seats of honour in the synagogues and being greeted obsequiously in the market squares! Alas for you, because you are like the unmarked tombs that men walk on without knowing it! A lawyer then spoke up. ‘Master,’ he said ‘when you speak like this you insult us too.’ ‘Alas for you lawyers also,’ he replied ‘because you load on men burdens that are unendurable, burdens that you yourselves do not move a finger to lift.’ ________________ What the Spirit brings is very different: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, trustfulness, gentleness, and self-control I am quite an irritable person–this often plays out in my closest relationships. How I long to be a person who is at peace, patient, and joyful. How I long to be one who is “zen-like”, rather than the hypersensitive reactive person that I am. I feel for those who are closest to me–they are often stepping on the unmarked tombs of my emotions, not realizing where they are stepping on before it is too late. I feel indignant reading about what the Spirit brings, because it is a painful reminder of how I am lacking. Sometimes, my discomfort even plays out when I see others who are patient, joyful, and gentle. Seeing how I am lacking in contrast to them makes me feel so ashamed that I bury this emotion of shame (with all its accompanying lies) deeper and deeper within me. Darkness hides itself in shame. But everything brought to the light will be revealed (Mark 4: 22). Whenever I break out of my cycle of shame and force myself to share my struggles with a person I feel safe enough to confide in, I am almost always healed of my lies. These lies include how I need to always know everything, how I must always be the most moral and kind person, how I must be a perfectly peaceful living saint today. Instead, I am embraced for who I am. I am loved for who I am. I am reminded that my struggles are normal human struggles. I am also challenged to grow in certain ways (e.g., to be more patient with others rather than requiring others to meet my expectations all the time). In order to be directed by the Spirit, I need to bring these “unmarked tombs” within us into the light. I need to dare to speak about my areas of sensitivity to those whom I trust so that I can start to reexamine the root causes of these emotions. I need to borrow another point of view because I know that there are many ways to look at one matter, and mine may not be the most accurate or helpful lens to look from. Whatever we hide will lead to a certain death within us–a death where we are no longer able to trust again, to hope in certain areas of life, to smile and breathe freely. But whatever is brought into the light will certainly have a chance, given enough time, to be resurrected and washed clean by the truth and by the Spirit of love and goodness. (Today’s OXYGEN by Jean Nathalia) _______________ Prayer: Jesus, I am terrified of what will be revealed when I speak of these areas of struggles that I try so hard to bury away. What will people think of me? I am tired, however, of carrying these “unmarked tombs” of fears and anxieties around. I want to be washed clean by the Spirit of Truth, Light, Love, and Goodness. Resurrect me, Jesus. Thanksgiving: We give thanks to those who give us a safe place to share our deep struggles and lies with, so that we are reminded again and again of how we are so much more than the lies that we bury deep within us.

Daily Reflection, 14 October 2014 - Crippling Thoughts

by Jean Nathalia

14 Oct – Memorial for St. Callistus I, Pope and Martyr

Callistus (d. 223) was born a slave, owned by Carpophorus, a Christian in the household of Caesar. His master entrusted a large sum to Callistus to open a bank, which took in several deposits, made several loans to people who refused to pay them back, and went broke. Knowing he would be personally blamed and punished, Callistus fled, but was caught and returned to his owner. Several depositers begged for his life, believing that he had not lost the money, but had stolen and hid it.

They were wrong; he wasn’t a thief, just a victim, but he was sentenced to work the tin mines. By a quirk of Roman law, the ownership of Callistus was transferred from Carpophorus to the state, and when he was later ransomed out of his sentence with a number of other Christians, he became a free man. Pope St. Zephyrinus put Callistus in charge of the Roman public burial grounds, today still called the Cemetery of Saint Callistus. He later became an archdeacon and the 16th pope.

Most of what we know about him has come down to us from his critics, including an anti-Pope of the day. He was, on more than one occasion, accused of heresy for such actions as permitting a return to Communion for sinners who had repented and done penance, or for proclaiming that differences in economic classes were no barrier to marriage.

This last put him in conflict with Roman civil law, but he stated that in matters concerning the Church and the sacraments, Church law trumped civil law. In both cases he taught what the Church has taught for centuries, including today, and though a whole host of schismatics wrote against him, his crime seems to have been to practice orthodox Christianity. He was martyred for his faith.

- Patron Saint Index

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Galatians 5:1-6

When Christ freed us, he meant us to remain free. Stand firm, therefore, and do not submit again to the yoke of slavery. It is I, Paul, who tell you this: if you allow yourselves to be circumcised, Christ will be of no benefit to you at all. With all solemnity I repeat my warning: Everyone who accepts circumcision is obliged to keep the whole Law. But if you do look to the Law to make you justified, then you have separated yourselves from Christ, and have fallen from grace. Christians are told by the Spirit to look to faith for those rewards that righteousness hopes for, since in Christ Jesus whether you are circumcised or not makes no difference – what matters is faith that makes its power felt through love.

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Luke 11:37-41

Jesus had just finished speaking when a Pharisee invited him to dine at his house. He went in and sat down at the table. The Pharisee saw this and was surprised that he had not first washed before the meal. But the Lord said to him, ‘Oh, you Pharisees! You clean the outside of cup and plate, while inside yourselves you are filled with extortion and wickedness. Fools! Did not he who made the outside make the inside too? Instead, give alms from what you have and then indeed everything will be clean for you.’

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Stand firm, therefore, and do not submit again to the yoke of slavery

Two years ago, when I was preparing to conduct a retreat, I was crippled by fears of inadequacy. At the end of the retreat, I remember that I was on a high – a high from successfully delivering the retreat and claiming the two words “I can”. My friends told me to hold onto those two words, for one of the deepest battles I have is that of self-doubt. In my euphoria, I told them that I would not fall into self-doubt again and I would simply believe “I can” from then on. It would be easy.

When I faced my next assignment, the self doubt “I can’t” returned.

It seemed like this battle of self-doubt was something that would plague me for the rest of my life. I wanted to stand firm but in every new task I faced, this is the lie that would speak instantaneously. In some sense, the very fact that I battled it over and over again made me think that everything I went through in life was meaningless since I kept returning to the same battle.

In psychology, one of the main teachings is that our thoughts are merely thoughts, not truths. That is, we can sometimes have a thought of dropping a baby. Does that mean that we have done it? Does that mean that we are evil? No. It is merely a thought that has no meaning or power, if we let it remain a thought. It becomes powerful only if we let the thought turn into an action.

Similarly, one of my strongest thoughts is, “I can’t do this”. However, just because I have a tendency to think this way does not mean that I doubt myself or that I am weak in faith. What matters is what I do – that speaks more of my faith, rather than what I think.

Even though I have the thought “I can’t do this” on numerous occasions, I have, however, acted in ways that have showed that I believe that “I can”. I completed my course, found a job, started a job, worked on my relationships, ran, among others, in spite of these four words. In other words, my external voice may have said “I can’t” but my internal voice and faith has kept me steady in moving forward.

Perhaps it is time for me to laugh at those four words whenever they arise, knowing that they are merely words. Perhaps it is time for me to affirm that deep in me lies a faith and resilience that carries me so much more than these empty words ever would.

(Today’s OXYGEN by Jean Nathalia)

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Prayer: Jesus, help me to stand outside these crippling thoughts and laugh with you at how powerless they are, for our actions say so much more.

Thanksgiving: Thank you Jesus for reminding me that I am so much more than my thoughts.