Purpose Driven Life – Day 23: How We Grow

By Pat Pagulayan

I would oftentimes feel like I have not been growing in terms of faith. I feel as if I’m stuck and not moving away from my self-centredness. And it is during these times that I get quite grumpy and impatient with God. I ask “why am I not progressing”, “why can’t I just get rid of my selfishness”, “I want to give my heart to You completely, why can’t You just change my heart now”.

Oh dear, so impatient.

This reminded me of the reason why Jesus called fishermen to be His disciples: because fishermen know how to wait.

Ouch.

In the end, it all boils down to making a “choice”. Choosing to wait, choosing to change my old ways, choosing to think of others first before myself. In the midst of making those choices, is faith and hope that somehow the Holy Spirit is working in me.

Firebrandz Worship Night - Was it a Good Friday?

March 26, 2014

Speaker: Fr. Victor Faruggia

The night opened with an invitation for us to be with Jesus at Gethsemane. With dim lights and contemplative music, we were led by Aaron and Jessica to prayer and quiet reflection, creating an environment apt for Fr. Victor Faruggia’s talk on “Was it a GOOD Friday?”

And it wasn’t just a “talk” - it was a pilgrimage. From being with Jesus at Gethsemane, we became pilgrims, taking a walk to discover the essence of Jesus’ death on the cross. It’s easy to say that Jesus died on the cross because of His love for us. But what does that actually mean? How is it any different to someone who says they love us and brings upon death to themselves?

Jesus loves us so much that He came down to hell (here ends life and love) through the cross. He who is God, came to BE with us in our hell - in situations where life and love in our own lives end. Hanging there on the cross, Jesus Christ became subjected to anger, hatred, shame, isolation, pain, and betrayal. Our Lord became vulnerable, reminding us that in moments when we feel vulnerable to situations where life and love ends, we can draw strength and life from Him who was able to overcome hell through love.

As Fr. Vic said, we cannot carry the cross in which we ourselves are crucified. It is only through Him who overcome hell through the cross that we are going to be able to pick-up our own crosses and follow Him.

Breaking Free From Worrying

By Jean Cheng

For all the faith I supposedly possess,

I am a worry wart. 

I worry about every small thing,

And I can magnify them such that I not only scare myself but the people around me.

It is something I've always known,

But refused to confront because I was too afraid of giving this up.

Believe me,

Worrying - although insanely exhausting - disguises itself as a help.

For the longest time, 

I knew worrying is problematic but I thought I needed it to make sure I worked hard.

What I've come to realise is that I do work,

But I worry while I work,

Reducing my productivity to 50% or more because the fears can be overwhelming and distracting from the task.

I also continue to be with people, but I am 60% present because the remaining 40% is lost in my own head of worries of the things undone.

Not to mention the agitation, irritation, and impatience I inflict on myself and those around me.

This Lent, I've been praying to break free from my habit of worrying,

And to instead develop a faith like Abraham.

So here's a little sharing about how real God is, 

and how He hears and answers prayers, 

once again. =)

Just on Sat (3 days ago),

I was extremely slow on my thesis and could feel the punishing self-anger rising because my mind started to calculate the time that was running out. 

But this time, I wanted to love myself so I kept asking for the grace to forgive myself. 

I had planned to attend mass on sat evening but wanted to push it to Sunday to "make up" for lost productivity. 

Something in me gently said to surrender. 

So I forced myself to go for mass as planned and, 

by doing so, 

to surrender. 

At mass, I kept willing my mind to stop calculating time and to trust in God to do the impossible, 

and take care of me regardless of what happens. 

Slowly, I surrendered and stopped worrying.

This enabled me to be present to people that night too rather than lost in my own head of worries. 

This enabled me to rest that night.

On Sunday morning, I went straight for my thesis and cleared everything I thought I would take 8h to clear within 2h.
Yup.
God is such a show off. :P

So now on bad thesis days,
I will keep praying for the grace to re-surrender,
keep my on Jesus,
so I walk on water.
Praise God for these moments of growing in faith. :)

Thank you all for your continued prayers for this sister in Sister - they're activating God! :D

Thank You

By Angelique Chong

It’s been almost 3 weeks since I’ve returned from Melbourne and I pray continually that God will keep and protect each and every one of you in His loving embrace. I would like to take this opportunity to thank you for welcoming us into your community and making us feel so at home with your offer of friendship and inclusive participation. Without you even realising it, you became instrumental in answering the prayer of someone who felt Melbourne was a spiritual desert. The Lord humbled us once again, as if to say, “Is there anything that is beyond me?”

There are moments in our lives where we feel so powerfully that God has led us down a certain path for his purpose, and in doing so, perhaps for us to discover our own purpose as well. I know Nicole will look back and recognise her decision to go for that first STAY meeting, as one of them. If any of you have gone in search for something you really wanted and finally found it, you will know exactly how she felt, the joy and relief that she had found others like herself and Kimberly. Certainly we are all responsible for our own personal prayer life, but our Lord understands how much more difficult it is when we walk alone.

Although I have shared this before, it is worth repeating that a natural occurring community such as yours can only be a gift from God, fashioned for his purpose as a means of support and encouragement for your spiritual walk. How blessed are all of you that you have been given such like-minded companions so early in your journey! Our Lord knows our needs even before we realise what they are. When I reflect on my own spiritual journey, I realise that I have only been able to come this far because of the friendships forged during my time in my community. Through the years, together we’ve celebrated marriages, birth of our children, successes, spurred growth in our relationship with God as well as endured difficulties, disagreements, misunderstandings, pain of betrayals and separation. We were only able to come out of it stronger in faith and deeper in love for one another because we took turns to remind and encourage one another, that in order “to do what is right…and to walk humbly” with our God, our hearts must be fixed on Him.

Some people are chosen by us to be a part of our lives, but others are planted by God, so that our lives may be enriched whether in giving or receiving. The convergence of paths is never a coincidence but an orchestration of His grand design. May all who come to STAY rediscover your gifts and purpose, may you recover all the joy and zeal that the evil one has tried to take away, may you uplift one another in joy, outdo one another in love, guard your fervent hearts jealously and most of all, may you be ready to be inspired by the marvels God will perform in each and every one of your lives if you but trust in Him and bravely say “Yes!”

Purpose Driven Life – Day 17: A Place to Belong

By Pat Pagulayan

When I was (accidentally) chosen to be cell group leader, I was quite hesitant. If there is one thing I have learned from my past, it is that leadership brought out the worst in me, not just once, twice, or thrice, but a LOT of times. It was so bad and repetitive that I have been avoiding taking leadership roles for 10 years now. So when I was asked to lead cell group, all I could think of was “uh-oh, I can’t mess up this time, not with my spiritual family, not with StAY”.

And so I did what a confused and doubtful woman would do: I prayed about it. And in my prayer my Lord told me that whatever happens, He will walk with Me. And that was all I need to know.

As I look back at it now, I guess He was trying to tell me that this is not high school; this is my spiritual family, and thus, I should not be afraid. He provided me with the best place to overcome my doubts and fears, to change my ways under the guidance of the fellowship that we have. It is the classroom to learn how to get along with others (which I’m very poor at), to unlearn selfishness, to share the experiences of others, and to practice love. God has given me another opportunity to learn how to be a leader by first being a servant, to learn how to put myself last.

I feel so blessed and grateful to God that He introduced these people to my life. I am especially grateful to God for my spiritual mentor, who has re-introduced the Father into my life and still painstakingly walks with me in my journey. He has tolerated my qualms, bitterness, obsession, mood-swings, anger, immaturity, questions, doubts, craziness, and childish ways (among others). I still don’t know how he does it. God’s grace, he always tells me.

Honestly, I find myself very dependent on these people spiritually. It sometimes makes me feel sad because I feel so inadequate not being able to stand up with my own two feet. Some of them are even younger than me, but they are the ones who are guiding me. It makes me wish that I should have known God earlier in my life (instead of living in sin) so I would be more mature in my faith by now. But nothing is ever late in God’s time.

I was talking to one of my StAY sisters about how bluntly we can tell each other off and not take it in a bad way. Unlike my earthly friendships, when one of us goes against the other or tells another off, it’s definitely “friendship’s over”. Back then, it’s “either you’re with me or against me”. It just makes me laugh reminiscing how shallow my perception of friendship was.

With the spiritual family I have here, they are brutally honest with me, even to the point that I would feel very hurt and cry. But I know that they do it, not because they want to condemn me or put me down, but because they love me and they only want the best for me – to be the person that God wants me to be.

It is through these men and women that I feel God’s love for me (among His other ways).

Purpose Driven Life – Day 3: What Drives Your Life?

By Pat Pagulayan

“I want to be a health-buff, money-smart, independent woman.”

This is what I wrote more than a year ago on my “Self Improvement” file. I said to myself, this is going to be my purpose, my goal, my vision for myself. I was in the gym for probably more hours than what was considered healthy, took dance, combat, tennis classes, joined a business venture, travelled, and took up my Masters among other things. From an outsider’s point of view, I was living the life. But deep inside something was badly missing - I felt empty, I felt unsettled.

Then I started asking: I had a purpose and was successfully doing everything to achieve it, where can I possibly go wrong?

Well, obviously, as I eventually realised, it is because God was not in the picture.

In saying so, even if I would like to believe that now God is in the picture, living a purpose-driven life is not a straightforward thing. It doesn’t necessarily follow that once you focus your purpose on God, there will no longer be any confusion nor is it a guarantee that you will no longer feel empty. Primarily I think one way or the other, there are still other things that drives our life such as fear, need for approval, resentment, and guilt, and it is only through God’s constant help and love that we will be able to let the purpose that God has for us to drive our lives.

Purpose Driven Life – Day 1: It All Starts with God

By Pat Pagulayan

"It’s not about you.”

Boom. That is the very first line of the first paragraph of the first chapter for the first day of this 40-day spiritual journey. And oh man, did it hit me hard.

Because I know I am selfish, self-centred, egoistic, or whatever you may call it. It is the sin of the flesh that haunts me and makes me question the motive of every single thing I do - yes, even ministry. Am I really doing it for God? Or am I doing it for myself? It sends shivers down my spine, even to admit that I have these questions in my head. I can only hope in the Lord that He is continually changing my heart so that I may decrease for Him and for others to increase.

I have never seriously thought about what my purpose in this world is. Primarily because I have just been focused on ME: to get a good job, be married by 27, provide grandchildren to my parents, retire early, and live comfortably. All about self.

Until I came to a point where I had that job, I had the perfect boyfriend, I was living comfortably. Everything seemed perfect and on track! But I didn’t have God, and without Him in one’s life, things will crumble, as I eventually and painfully realised.

And so the self-centred me resorted to self-help books (mind you, I bought 4 “rule” books in one go). But as a great man of God made me realise, the ultimate rule book is God’s Rule Book, the Owner’s Manual, the BIBLE. And so my journey began. A journey of self-awareness, self-denial, and just being transformed by God to be the woman He intended me to be.