I Pondered Your Love

By Jean Cheng

Yesterday morning as I said my prayers, 

I came across the Psalm for the day and the line, 

"We ponder your love" (Psalm 48:9) struck me.

I almost brushed past these four words because I couldn't connect with them.

How was I supposed to ponder God's love?

Where would I start? 

What does pondering His love mean?

A new concept, I finally decided to pray,

So I wrote in my prayer journal,

"Father, I don't ponder your love.

Help me to ponder it and be deeply joyful in your love"

Yesterday marked exactly three years since my bf and I met each other.

Three years ago we met in his church.

Three years later,

We were attending daily mass at St Joseph's Church,

Just wanting to give thanks to God, 

Remembering that it isn't just three years of him and I,

But it's been three years of God, him and I: our three-way relationship. ;)

So as I knelt before the altar,

I was ready to enter into all of my usual prayer requests,

When I stopped.

I looked at Jesus, and said,

'Today, I will not ask for anything. 

Today, I am here to thank you.'

Just like that, 

I spent the whole mass in gratitude,

Contemplating all that the Lord has done for me,

Contemplating His great love for me in bringing Marcus into my life.

Contemplating His wisdom in knowing what is best for me,

Even if at times, He has to drag a screaming Jean through it.

It wasn't until after I left mass that I realised something.

Psalm 48: 9 was no longer empty words,

I had just experienced it.

God is funny.

He does answer my daily prayers.

(Just wish He would answer all of them. :P)

Importantly, I've also learnt yesterday that breaking out of my prayer habits 

(i.e., barrage of prayer-requests)

occasionally is not a bad thing.

"If you always do the same thing,

You will always get the same results"

Doing something different yesterday,

Coming to God without a "oh-my-God-please-help-me" spirit,

I experienced something never before.

I pondered His great love for me. :)