For Myself or For the Lord?

By Mario Wahyu Prabowo

There is a question that has been haunting me, and I think it’s going to keep haunting me for the rest of my life. In fact, I should be worried the moment it stops haunting me. The question is: Is it for myself or for the Lord?

Do I get disappointed when I do good things and others don’t appreciate it, or do I rejoice because I have done what God asked me to do, regardless of what other people think?

Do I feel nervous or scared when I am uncertain of what I am capable of? Am I scared of being judged by others or letting them down if I don’t do well?

Or do I feel proud and confident doing His work, thinking I am a good guy and God’s favourite, that it is natural for others to praise me for my deeds and they should look up to me?

Or do I, like a little child, simply focus on what He asked me to do, thinking only of giving my very best to Him as an offering, and want nothing but to please Him?

No expectations, no fears, just the satisfaction as my prize for giving my all to Him, and the joy from thinking what I have done might please Him, even just a bit.

Do I feel the need to have courage to do His work, instead of trusting him fully and letting Him take control in me?

Am I being self-conscious, thinking that I have the responsibility to save the world, that I can save others, that if something wrong happens or someone suffers it’s my fault, that I am the only one who can do it?

Do I try to carry the burden of the whole world and play God?

Aren’t I meant to be humble and simply be His instrument of love, joy, and peace? To be His hands and feet, to do His will and let His will be done, not mine? To do what He wants me to do and to go where He leads me to go, and acknowledge that He alone is God, He alone can save and He alone will triumph?

Am I sad when someone steals my chance to do good things, to be recognized by others, to have that feeling of being a good person and doing something useful? Or will I praise God for the good things He has done in front of my eyes, even if it’s not through me?

When I help someone, do I pity him? Thinking that I am in a better place than him, thinking that I am being good to him and he has the duty to be grateful to me?

Will I get disappointed if I find out that his condition is not as I imagined before, that he is not as miserable and as kind-hearted as I thought?

Or will I treat that person as a human, an individual, accepting that nobody is perfect, including me, and he must have his own circumstances?

Will I be able to sympathize with him, to think of him as a friend and help him when he needs help, just like the Good Samaritan?

Will I say yes if things are not as I expected but God led me to him and told me to help him?

Can I be like Jesus, being able to say “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.” when he doesn’t reply my kindness as I had expected?

Do I do things for my own glory, or for God’s glory?

Do I serve and live for myself, or do I serve and live for God?