Less is More

By Jean Cheng

"Speak to me Lord."

Silence.

"Speak to me Lord, remove the things blocking me from hearing you."

Silence.

I knew that God was with me.

But somehow I couldn't sense Him.

I couldn't feel His presence,

I couldn't hear Him directing me.

All I had was a quiet trust that He knew what He was doing -

But I'm not going to lie,

I was annoyed.

Then came encounter 1 through the Sunday Gospel reading based on the Prodigal Son.

I had just gone through that passage a few days before,

And I have been through that passage MANY times.

So a part of me wondered how God could come up with something new.

Of course, God takes special pleasure in humbling the arrogant,

So He humbled me.

As I went through the passage yet again,

I realised that the younger son had planned what he would say to say to his father,

And he went about executing his plan,

Reciting the exact same words that he had planned.

But before he could even finish,

His father simply dismissed what he was saying,

Calling to the servants to bring out the best robes to lavish on his son.

His father didn't even hear the words that the son said!

He was too excited that his son was home.

The son might as well have just saved his efforts.

He might as well have just showed up silent,

And his father would still have thrown his arms around him, adorning him with da best.

Like the prodigal son, I might as well save my efforts trying to think of what to say everytime I enter into prayer.

Whenever I enter into prayer,

I am plagued with a sense of unworthiness and guilt.

So in my efforts to show how sorry I am,

I go on and on and on and on and on and on about how sorry I am.

But now I know God didn't hear a single word I said!!!

WHAT THE!

He was probably just holding me happily,

Oblivious to all my efforts to apologize.

Lesson 1: Save my efforts. Just show up.

Encounter 2.

A PhD is no joke.

I definitely did NOT know what I was signing up for when I said I will do this.

And I strongly advice anyone thinking of it to really speak to people who are doing it so you know what you are in for.

(P.s. Don't do it).

But I digress.

I mentioned the PhD because there is constantly a million and one things to do and it never ends.

So I tell myself to work faster, and do more.

The goal each day is to be as productive as I can

(and I fail every. single. day.)

Great for the self-esteem, btw.

But that doesn't stop me from trying!

Because if I don't,

I would be "wasting" my day,

Which I have done the day before and the day before.

"So I better get my act together TODAY!!"

With that in mind,

I enter into the day with a spirit of restlessness,

Agitation,

Impatience,

And harshness to myself as well as to others.

Strangely, last week,

Each morning after I prayed quickly and was ready to start my day with restlessness,

The words, "Less is more", came into my mind.

I had a choice to make:

(i) To continue the day in that rushed spirit thereby feeling unhappy all day (and still not accomplishing much) or

(ii) To surrender to how much I can realistically do that day (which isn't much, but at least a few things get done)

On the days I surrendered,

I would tangibly feel a burden lift,

Allowing me to enter the day with a sense of liberation and joy,

Ready to do the "little" that I could.

Knowing that "I Can".

On those days, I felt alive.

Encounter 3.

At a recent retreat,

I asked God why I knew in my mind that He was with me,

But I still struggled to be convicted in my heart?

I didn't like that because whenever my heart doubts,

I just go about the day feeling empty, far from God.

I thought that perhaps one of the reasons is that God is too quiet and gentle.

I missed the God that I first knew - the one I encounter through praise and worship.

The God who wooed me in such powerful emotions my heart could not contain.

Now that He has become quieter,

I did not like it.

I wanted Him to be loud again, powerful again, bring me to a "high" again.

I felt a quiet (yes quiet, again) voice ask,

"Can you love me for who I am?"

Can I also love Him in his quietness, gentleness, and silence?

I hesitated.

But when I finally said, "Yes, Lord, I love you just as you are".

I felt free, a quiet and deep joy entering into my heart.

Just as God gave me the licence to be silent with Him (through the Prodigal Son reflection),

I now gave Him the licence to be silent with me.

There is something very rich about such simplicity.

As my Spiritual Director affirmed upon my sharing,

"You have been brought up with a belief that more is more.

But less is more.

That is the invite to you."