By Jack Chui
Chasity vs Sexual Freedom - what two opposites which are misunderstood...
Chastity is actually the expression of sexual freedom.
Society can make us think of chastity negatively as a long list of 'thous shalt nots' and sexual freedom as the breaking apart of those rules. However, this promotes an 'anything goes' attitude and addiction. Is a habitual masturbator free when they can't say 'no' to their next ......?
True freedom is not liberation from the external 'constraint' (rules) that calls me to be good, but from the internal constraint that hinders my choice for the good --- to be able to say no (or being chaste) is the true sexual freedom!
In relation to masturbation, I know it is truly a grace from God that needs to be asked for constantly to say no. The same goes to the temptation to fight lust or using someone for our own gratification. We are just too weak on our own to say no sometimes, but with His power, it can be done. It must be just the way we were designed to keep us needy and reliant on God... =)
The guiding principle of all Catholic moral teaching is the dignity of the human person. Persons must never be treated as objects of use or a means to an end. We have to see the dignity of the human person so that we are compelled to do what it takes to love that person rightly.
What is love? A feeling, physical attraction, emotion? Pope John Paul II says that these are the 'raw material' of love and there is a tendency to regard them as love's 'finished form'. These 'raw materials' if not properly held together may not add up to love, but to its direct opposite - lust. I can have a feeling or physical attraction to any girl on this planet but does that mean its love?
The opposite of love is not actually hatred, but rather to use the other as a means to an end. This lust is a pale cheap imitation of love. For love to take root, above all we must firmly set our will on the person's good, utterly refusing to indulge lust --- this involves integrating the feelings, physical attraction and emotions with the 'dignity' of the person. This is a call for self donation (for the good of the other) rather than self gratification (for the good of self).
Quoting the notes -
Chastity is not an 'annihilation' of sexual reactions or pushing them into the subconscious where they await an opportunity to explode. Chasity is a matter of sustained long term integration of sexual values with the value of the person. The person who wants to succeed in mastering sexual impulse and excitement, must be committed to a progressive education in self control of the will, of the feelings, of the emotions; and this education must develop beginning with the most simple acts in which it is relatively easy to put the interior decision into practice (i.e. to be able to say no).
Faith is the key to this - lust may feel like the real thing, but this is where faith must prevail.
Love reaches maturity when it turns from "how the other makes me feel" to "who the other person is". Its the recognition of the other's uniqueness - their unrepeatability. They cannot and should not be compared/measured to someone else. Authentic love is attracted not just by 'attributes' or 'qualities' of a person, but for the person's value. The qualities are repeatable and they help us get to love, but if it stops there then a permanent shadow is cast over the permanency of the relationship (they can be replaced by someone else with the same or better 'qualities'. These 'attributes' or 'qualities' can also change or disappear over time (like breasts =P)
One love that can satisfy our yearning - Jesus. Love on earth can only approximate this love.
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