Greetings from Singapore:)

By Jean Cheng

It's been awhile since I've wrote on this blog and I thought of updating a recent grace that God has poured into my heart. He remains actively close to me in my journey, since leaving Melbourne. :) Before that, however, I just wanted to say that I have been so happy and awed at what God is doing in STAY, and how a community has formed here. It is truly amazing to see how God has called the hearts of individuals together to share, empower each other other, and encourage each other in the hope and joy of God, that will never disappoint. May all of you continue to see and taste the truth that God-is-with-us as you look at each other journeying with you. =)

Yesterday, we celebrated the feast of Christ the King. Pondering on the passage last week, an image came to mind. It was based on the verse, "Today you will be with me in Paradise." (Luke 23: 43). When I saw Jesus say these words to me, I saw him gently taking my hand as he said it, and leading me somewhere. Then the image stopped. I did not know where He was leading me, but I knew that He was leading me and I was not afraid. Instead, there was hope, anticipation, and excitement.

Before that, I was struggling with the possibility of my fiancé entering into the leadership team for his church young adult community. A part of me wanted him to because I believed that he has many gifts and the right heart to be in a position of servant-leadership. But a part of me did not want him to because I was afraid of what this would mean about our time together, especially as we prepared for marriage and a life together. These fears were compounded by the fact that I still am in the process of finding my place in his community, hence I worried I would be unable to support him by feeling with him the same ways that he felt about his community.

But last week, when I went for mass, I found myself unexpectedly praying to surrender all my expectations of what kind of husband he 'should' be, what kind of wife I 'should' be, what kind of married/family life we 'should' have, etc. In that prayer, there was pain and tears but there was also a deep peace, hope, and excitement. It was as if in that moment, I was dying to how I felt my future should be, and therefore allowing God to finally be in control, and surprise me with a better plan He has for us.

After surrendering and blessing Marcus to go wherever God calls Him, I was surprised that I was actually excited that he was nominated and elected as a leader. It's as if I finally died to my fears and surrendered my life into God's hands.

I do not know what this will mean for us and our married life. In fact, when I think of my future, I do not know how that will pan out. But somehow I feel as if because I do not know, I am free. Free from trying to make my life fit into one mould. Free to be surprised. The imagery was an affirmation from Jesus that my future is in His hands. He is the one leading me, and He is holding me. I do not see the path ahead of me, but there is excitement because I know who is leading me and with me through it all. Praise God. =)