By Regina Rayan
In the beginning I asked myself, what should I sacrifice for lent this year. Typical question my mother would ask me. I decided to abstain from meat. I would only be having vegetables and seafood. Then I thought to myself, I need to do something that would affect my inner spirit as well. So I prayed and allowed God to decide for me. After all, I am doing it for him. The word "make-up" kept ringing in my head. I tried denying it. But the word remained.
So I decided to abstain from any make-up for 40 days. I never thought how tempted I would feel during those days. But I remained firm on my decisions. I remember having a huge zit on my nose when I never usually get acne/zits. Not being able to cover it up with make up was hard. But I decided to embrace that zit. I literally took selfies with it and was proud of it.
Other than just fasting, I felt lent this time round was more intense. I felt more involved both physically and spiritually. I started my faith journey by experiences and situations I've been in. I grew closer to God through joy and sufferings. I never knew how to communicate with God. After a retreat last year, I decided to build a little family of my own. This family of mine had always and will always be there for me. Jesus being my brother, Mother Mary being my mama, God being my papa, the Holy Spirit being my teacher and the guardian angel being my friend.
This made me feel more comfortable just communicating with them. I remember how I've always felt my heart wanting to go to church often just to feel the warmth. Like it was my second home. Ever since I decided to have this relationship, I needed to put my heart and soul into it. Every relationship needed effort and sincerity. This Lent allowed me to measure that sincerity. I surrendered all plans to Him.
I realized the sincerity of this relationship during the Good Friday mass at St Augustine's. When the cross was passed around, I was more worried on how will I be able to handle the weight of that cross. As soon as it passed over me and I barely used my energy to lift it, I realized my life has always been like that - all my crosses has been lifted up by Him. With His energy I become stronger not with my own.
I literally bursted out in tears when the cross passed over me. I was fine a minute ago but my heart felt so heavy. I wept like as if one of my own loved one had died that day. The feeling you get losing someone you love so much is never the best. My mind was confused cause I continuously cried. That intense feeling sealed my relationship with Jesus and I knew I loved Him more than anything.
I have always doubted His love. Wondering how can someone love you so much? One night not being able to sleep, a bible verse was stuck in my head. He answered me, "But God demonstrates His own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. (Romans 5:8 NIV)"
And my journey now continues but I'm not walking alone. I know that this time round when I fall or get hurt, His love would never fail on me. His love is the antidote to all my sickness and fears.
In the beginning I asked myself, what should I sacrifice for lent this year. Typical question my mother would ask me. I decided to abstain from meat. I would only be having vegetables and seafood. Then I thought to myself, I need to do something that would affect my inner spirit as well. So I prayed and allowed God to decide for me. After all, I am doing it for him. The word "make-up" kept ringing in my head. I tried denying it. But the word remained.
So I decided to abstain from any make-up for 40 days. I never thought how tempted I would feel during those days. But I remained firm on my decisions. I remember having a huge zit on my nose when I never usually get acne/zits. Not being able to cover it up with make up was hard. But I decided to embrace that zit. I literally took selfies with it and was proud of it.
Other than just fasting, I felt lent this time round was more intense. I felt more involved both physically and spiritually. I started my faith journey by experiences and situations I've been in. I grew closer to God through joy and sufferings. I never knew how to communicate with God. After a retreat last year, I decided to build a little family of my own. This family of mine had always and will always be there for me. Jesus being my brother, Mother Mary being my mama, God being my papa, the Holy Spirit being my teacher and the guardian angel being my friend.
This made me feel more comfortable just communicating with them. I remember how I've always felt my heart wanting to go to church often just to feel the warmth. Like it was my second home. Ever since I decided to have this relationship, I needed to put my heart and soul into it. Every relationship needed effort and sincerity. This Lent allowed me to measure that sincerity. I surrendered all plans to Him.
I realized the sincerity of this relationship during the Good Friday mass at St Augustine's. When the cross was passed around, I was more worried on how will I be able to handle the weight of that cross. As soon as it passed over me and I barely used my energy to lift it, I realized my life has always been like that - all my crosses has been lifted up by Him. With His energy I become stronger not with my own.
I literally bursted out in tears when the cross passed over me. I was fine a minute ago but my heart felt so heavy. I wept like as if one of my own loved one had died that day. The feeling you get losing someone you love so much is never the best. My mind was confused cause I continuously cried. That intense feeling sealed my relationship with Jesus and I knew I loved Him more than anything.
I have always doubted His love. Wondering how can someone love you so much? One night not being able to sleep, a bible verse was stuck in my head. He answered me, "But God demonstrates His own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. (Romans 5:8 NIV)"
And my journey now continues but I'm not walking alone. I know that this time round when I fall or get hurt, His love would never fail on me. His love is the antidote to all my sickness and fears.
No comments:
Post a Comment