On John 11:1-45

By Pat Pagulayan

“Jesus cried in a loud voice, ‘Lazarus, here! Come out!’ The dead man came out, his feet and hands bound with bands of stuff and a cloth round his face.”

We are Lazarus. Like Lazarus, we are dead; stuck in the graves of our current lives. It may be the difficult trials, challenging situations, or huge burdens that we are facing right now. Oftentimes, being in our grave is not about having a huge problem in front of us, but can be the feeling of being stuck in loneliness, pain, anger, addiction, betrayal, doubt, envy, shame. Sometimes it can even be the mere lack of direction in life, not knowing where to go or what God wants for us. Like Lazarus, we are isolated in our own graves, where it seems like there is nowhere to go, nowhere to run.

What did Lazarus have to do to come out of his grave?

Nothing. He was a dead man. In fact, he has been dead for four days already.

So how then was a dead man like Lazarus raised?

Simple. He heard Jesus, and by hearing Jesus, he gained new life.

Like Lazarus, that is all we need to do to get out of our own graves: to hear Him. Like how Jesus cried out in a loud voice to call Lazarus, Jesus has also been calling out to us,

“[insert your name], here I am! Come out!”

What are the graves in our current lives that we need to come out of in order to gain new life? Are we hearing Jesus call out to us? More importantly, are we taking the time to listen to Him?

And like Lazarus who waited for four days for Jesus to unbound him into new life, are we patiently waiting on our Lord to unbound us and raise us from our graves?

Moving Day - From a Volunteer

By Shirley Shim

When Refugee Outreach first started at St Augustine's, I must say I had my reservations about participating. I used to wonder about the genuineness of some of the refugees - were they really asylum seekers escaping persecution in their countries or were they just migrants coming into Australia under false pretence? In my own faith journey the past few months, I have learnt that it is not my place to judge anyone and not to question their reasons and intentions but instead to just offer whatever help I can. 

So here I was on my second moving day. I enjoyed my first moving day and was really looking forward to the second. Having visited the refugees the week before to find out what they needed, the thought of finally delivering the goods were quite exciting. Right after the home visits, I decided to send an email to my colleagues to check if anyone had additional items lying around in their houses which they wanted to donate. One of my overzealous colleague decided to forward my email on to the whole building and I ended up with an overwhelming response of donations, which at that time I was afraid that we could not collect everything and we might end up disappointing some people. Through the collective responses from everyone in church who helped spread the word, we ended up with so much that the organisers had to arrange for 3 trucks! And that has got to be the biggest Man with a Van truck I have ever seen. 

It was just fantastic seeing the amount of donations and the numerous volunteers giving up their Sunday for a good cause. It was especially gratifying that my Muslim friend Syed wanted to volunteer with us as well and when I told him it was organised by the church, his response was that it doesn't matter who organises it, what's important is the work for the refugees - something that probably would never have happened back in Malaysia as it was taboo for Muslims there to step into church. 

My day started early on moving day. Since I had already gone for mass the night before I decided to help with sorting as well. Karla was so organised, first getting us to split up all items into 6 different corners of the room - Kitchenware, bedding & linen, clothes, toys, shoes, 'for the bin'. Next splitting the clothes into men's, women's and children, and respective piles for tops, bottoms, winter wear. Once we had them all in their piles and corners, we consulted the board for the dynamics of the refugees on the 3 routes and rearranged them into Truck #1, #2 and #3 corners. By the time mass ended at 11.45am, everything that was left at St Joseph's was sorted, divided into the 3 routes and was ready to be piled into the cars. By that time we were all starving and the sandwiches and samosas that were made and donated by Alex were simply delicious. 

When the trucks started rolling in, we were psyched and raring to go. Route#3 headed far west to Werribee and Hoppers Crossing. Unfortunately at the first home we visited, Ravi and his wife were out, and we were a little disappointed we could not leave much for them. Our next home was Wahidi who was from Afghanistan, he is such a soft spoken and humble man, I was very pleasantly surprised when he declined our offer of lentils as he said he has enough. I was impressed that this man who had probably been living in need while he was at the detention centre was so considerate to only take what he needed and nothing more, leaving the rest for the homes that came after. Kebede from Eritrea was the same, he didn't want to take any more than what he needed. Maybe a hard life teaches us to only accept what we need, not what we want, and leave the excess for others - both of them certainly taught me something. 

By the time the sun had set we had emptied at least two thirds of our Hertz truck, and taken on the rest from the Man with a Van trailer. We had given out so much and yet still ended up with half a truck for Salvos, it just goes to show the enormous generosity of our donors. At the end of the day we were extremely exhausted, but felt satisfied and blessed that moving day went really well. It was certainly fulfilling and I'm sure the other volunteers felt as much joy, love and gratitude being able to serve God and others. 

On John 4:5-42 and John 9:1-41

By Pat Pagulayan

“Come and see a man who told me everything I have ever done! He cannot be the Messiah can he?”

- the Samaritan Woman in John 4:29

“I do not know whether he is a sinner. One thing I do know, that though I was blind, now I see.”

- the Blind Man in John 9:25

Looking at these two gospels from the 3rd and 4th Sunday of Lent, I cannot help but notice the similarities between them - they are both broken, unconvinced witnesses.

The Samaritan woman had five husbands and the one she is with now is not even her husband, thus making her an adulteress. She is living in sin. The blind man, on the other hand, is well, blind. The connotation that people had on him during that time was that either his parents sinned or he did, causing him to have this physical “brokenness”.

Both the Samaritan woman and the blind man are unconvinced witnesses. The Samaritan woman ran to the city asking them, “Come and see a man who told me everything I have ever done! He cannot be the Messiah can He?” while the blind man expressed his uncertainty saying, “I do not know whether he is a sinner. One thing I do know, that though I was blind, now I see.” They do not even know who Jesus is and is not even convinced that He is the Messiah.

And yet, they witnessed. And were very effective ones at that.

Their witness is not a recitation of the Our Father or the Apostle’s Creed! Their statements were not even prayers! And yet the statement the Samaritan woman made has led to other Samaritans in the city to go out to see Jesus, while the blind man challenged the belief of the Jews and shot holes in the defence of the Pharisees.

They simply witnessed using their own (and brief) experiences with Christ. They just stuck to the facts and were even honest about their own uncertainties about Jesus. And yet, they were witnesses of Jesus to others.

And here I am, reciting every Sunday the Apostle’s Creed, “I believe in God, the Father Almighty… I believe in Jesus Christ, His only Son, our Lord….” But how many times I have doubted the Lord and His plans for me? Countless.

These two characters put me to shame.

But above that, the Samaritan woman and the blind man serve as a reminder that in my brokenness and underneath all the doubts and uncertainties, we can be witnesses to Christ using our own experiences with Him.

Moving Day 8 Reflection - Of Volunteers and Tagging

By Jessica Lee

When I first started participating in Moving Days late last year, my focus began with sorting through donations. The task seemed simple enough, separating men clothes, from female clothing and putting them into piles. Children’s clothes are again separated into little boys and little girls. And again with baby clothes, though they were a tad easier to identify as they generally came in pink or blue, and they seldom needed folding since they were tiny.  

The task set my focus to ensure that the appropriate donations went to houses, which had specific needs listed. So my first moving day and following one brought my attention to ensuring the rights things went to right houses. The spreadsheet said so. I was unfortunately slightly detached from my environment having focused on carrying out my designated task for the day. I couldn’t remember a single name of the refugees I had met for the day, despite my initial elation for being able to help where I could.

The next moving day, I promised I would engage the people we were going to meet. For surely, a person is much more important than the material things we had to provide. I dwelled on how I might engage strangers from different nationalities, language barriers and different cultures. So, I made it a point this trip to write all their names down, and so I did. I met Mohamad, his wife Ely, and 2 beautiful sons, Armin and Ramtin. They were an Iranian family whom were featured in our Christmas cheer visits just before FORM took a break for the xmas holidays. We ended our trip meeting a sad soul named Mehdi who carried signs of depression all around him. These were people, people with feelings and needs like everyone I knew, except they seemed more vulnerable and sometimes even a little angry. When some of them did wear a cheerful front, my heart only felt admiration that these souls were so strong. Strong enough to rise above their lost of control in making choices in their lives and that they could do nothing but wait. They wait on faceless people and a system that held their fates, and still they smiled and welcomed us into their homes. I was humbled by the experience (still am), and yet feeling very blessed to have seen all I saw. I thought to myself, they have so little to give and yet I keep gaining and growing from my encounters with these people I meet. How does that work really? I usually get a headache trying to comprehend God’s work. Who doesn’t honestly? It’s possibly why people around me tell me “He works in mysterious ways”, to discourage my attempt to give myself a headache. Sensible people.

So, a few Moving Days later, I shared my excitement with everyone on engaging the refugees we meet and help on Moving Days.  I even start Googling their names in advance just to start guessing which country they are from and what languages they might speak. I’m still mixing the languages and I’m glad to have stopped embarrassing myself with bad guesswork on “which country do we think they are from”. 

I was even starting to feel a little good about myself…and then I noticed flurry of activities around me and my seemingly tireless driver for the entire day. By Moving day 7, I noticed everyone seemed to know everyone, except me. True, I didn’t attend STAY where most of the volunteers were from but was that really an excuse not to remember their names? A little voice said no.

By providence, Jack assigned the task of looking after the volunteers to me and Karla this Moving Day. It reinforced Fr Peter’s wise words in one of our FORM meetings not long back to ensure we looked after our volunteers as well as we looked after our refugees. The relationship works both ways. “Just like my relationship with God!” I had been thinking- it works both ways. I knew I shouldn’t just keep asking without giving, because that’s pretty selfish. As a child, I learnt how to remember the trait selfish by “sell fish – smelly fish”, which to my child-mind meant not very pleasant. No offence to any fishermans out there, but wet markets in South East Asia can be quite pungent. Funny things we do to remember things.  So, I embarked on engaging our volunteers this week as best as I could. Karla who was also assigned to the same task, to me seemed a natural at this. She engages people like she breathes. So, it was easy to take a few leafs from her book. I decided we needed to have name tags. Jack’s list indicated 30 over volunteers this Moving day. I personally have a photographic memory, so seeing a name registers better in my head than someone telling me their names. The only way I knew how to make someone feel welcomed was by recalling their names, and to do this meant I needed to tag them. Sweet Nicole who kindly asked how she could help was only too enthusiastic to carry out my request of tagging everyone. And she did a terrific job. When she ran out of stickers, she resorted to masking tapes. I couldn’t help but laugh inside wondering if the masking tapes would be difficult to remove from the volunteer’s shirts. Hopefully a little water will do the trick. While the trucks were running behind schedule and donors were ringing with their concerns on delays and pick up times, I couldn’t help but notice the sorting volunteers were calming and cheerfully carrying out their task. Everyone was talking and engaging each other, new friendships were forming and smiles were genuine. Our cars started filtering back with more goods and more volunteers joined us. The tasklist and car lists were all printed beforehand so that no one felt lost or unconsidered. Everyone who chose to be present at St Augustine’s on their Sunday should feel a sense of purpose to be in that hall. My task was to help them find that purpose. I prayed our preparations also gave them a sense of belonging. As their purpose was to help, my hope was that we gave everyone an opportunity to help in any way they could. For I now know that in helping others that I help myself. Though it’s never my intention to gain from these endeavours, I am always hopelessly lost as to why and how I do gain from them.  

I fell sleep remembering names, the list was also a tad longer this time around so that I might ask God to bless each name I recalled on Sunday.

Purpose Driven Life – Day 23: How We Grow

By Pat Pagulayan

I would oftentimes feel like I have not been growing in terms of faith. I feel as if I’m stuck and not moving away from my self-centredness. And it is during these times that I get quite grumpy and impatient with God. I ask “why am I not progressing”, “why can’t I just get rid of my selfishness”, “I want to give my heart to You completely, why can’t You just change my heart now”.

Oh dear, so impatient.

This reminded me of the reason why Jesus called fishermen to be His disciples: because fishermen know how to wait.

Ouch.

In the end, it all boils down to making a “choice”. Choosing to wait, choosing to change my old ways, choosing to think of others first before myself. In the midst of making those choices, is faith and hope that somehow the Holy Spirit is working in me.

Firebrandz Worship Night - Was it a Good Friday?

March 26, 2014

Speaker: Fr. Victor Faruggia

The night opened with an invitation for us to be with Jesus at Gethsemane. With dim lights and contemplative music, we were led by Aaron and Jessica to prayer and quiet reflection, creating an environment apt for Fr. Victor Faruggia’s talk on “Was it a GOOD Friday?”

And it wasn’t just a “talk” - it was a pilgrimage. From being with Jesus at Gethsemane, we became pilgrims, taking a walk to discover the essence of Jesus’ death on the cross. It’s easy to say that Jesus died on the cross because of His love for us. But what does that actually mean? How is it any different to someone who says they love us and brings upon death to themselves?

Jesus loves us so much that He came down to hell (here ends life and love) through the cross. He who is God, came to BE with us in our hell - in situations where life and love in our own lives end. Hanging there on the cross, Jesus Christ became subjected to anger, hatred, shame, isolation, pain, and betrayal. Our Lord became vulnerable, reminding us that in moments when we feel vulnerable to situations where life and love ends, we can draw strength and life from Him who was able to overcome hell through love.

As Fr. Vic said, we cannot carry the cross in which we ourselves are crucified. It is only through Him who overcome hell through the cross that we are going to be able to pick-up our own crosses and follow Him.

Breaking Free From Worrying

By Jean Cheng

For all the faith I supposedly possess,

I am a worry wart. 

I worry about every small thing,

And I can magnify them such that I not only scare myself but the people around me.

It is something I've always known,

But refused to confront because I was too afraid of giving this up.

Believe me,

Worrying - although insanely exhausting - disguises itself as a help.

For the longest time, 

I knew worrying is problematic but I thought I needed it to make sure I worked hard.

What I've come to realise is that I do work,

But I worry while I work,

Reducing my productivity to 50% or more because the fears can be overwhelming and distracting from the task.

I also continue to be with people, but I am 60% present because the remaining 40% is lost in my own head of worries of the things undone.

Not to mention the agitation, irritation, and impatience I inflict on myself and those around me.

This Lent, I've been praying to break free from my habit of worrying,

And to instead develop a faith like Abraham.

So here's a little sharing about how real God is, 

and how He hears and answers prayers, 

once again. =)

Just on Sat (3 days ago),

I was extremely slow on my thesis and could feel the punishing self-anger rising because my mind started to calculate the time that was running out. 

But this time, I wanted to love myself so I kept asking for the grace to forgive myself. 

I had planned to attend mass on sat evening but wanted to push it to Sunday to "make up" for lost productivity. 

Something in me gently said to surrender. 

So I forced myself to go for mass as planned and, 

by doing so, 

to surrender. 

At mass, I kept willing my mind to stop calculating time and to trust in God to do the impossible, 

and take care of me regardless of what happens. 

Slowly, I surrendered and stopped worrying.

This enabled me to be present to people that night too rather than lost in my own head of worries. 

This enabled me to rest that night.

On Sunday morning, I went straight for my thesis and cleared everything I thought I would take 8h to clear within 2h.
Yup.
God is such a show off. :P

So now on bad thesis days,
I will keep praying for the grace to re-surrender,
keep my on Jesus,
so I walk on water.
Praise God for these moments of growing in faith. :)

Thank you all for your continued prayers for this sister in Sister - they're activating God! :D

Thank You

By Angelique Chong

It’s been almost 3 weeks since I’ve returned from Melbourne and I pray continually that God will keep and protect each and every one of you in His loving embrace. I would like to take this opportunity to thank you for welcoming us into your community and making us feel so at home with your offer of friendship and inclusive participation. Without you even realising it, you became instrumental in answering the prayer of someone who felt Melbourne was a spiritual desert. The Lord humbled us once again, as if to say, “Is there anything that is beyond me?”

There are moments in our lives where we feel so powerfully that God has led us down a certain path for his purpose, and in doing so, perhaps for us to discover our own purpose as well. I know Nicole will look back and recognise her decision to go for that first STAY meeting, as one of them. If any of you have gone in search for something you really wanted and finally found it, you will know exactly how she felt, the joy and relief that she had found others like herself and Kimberly. Certainly we are all responsible for our own personal prayer life, but our Lord understands how much more difficult it is when we walk alone.

Although I have shared this before, it is worth repeating that a natural occurring community such as yours can only be a gift from God, fashioned for his purpose as a means of support and encouragement for your spiritual walk. How blessed are all of you that you have been given such like-minded companions so early in your journey! Our Lord knows our needs even before we realise what they are. When I reflect on my own spiritual journey, I realise that I have only been able to come this far because of the friendships forged during my time in my community. Through the years, together we’ve celebrated marriages, birth of our children, successes, spurred growth in our relationship with God as well as endured difficulties, disagreements, misunderstandings, pain of betrayals and separation. We were only able to come out of it stronger in faith and deeper in love for one another because we took turns to remind and encourage one another, that in order “to do what is right…and to walk humbly” with our God, our hearts must be fixed on Him.

Some people are chosen by us to be a part of our lives, but others are planted by God, so that our lives may be enriched whether in giving or receiving. The convergence of paths is never a coincidence but an orchestration of His grand design. May all who come to STAY rediscover your gifts and purpose, may you recover all the joy and zeal that the evil one has tried to take away, may you uplift one another in joy, outdo one another in love, guard your fervent hearts jealously and most of all, may you be ready to be inspired by the marvels God will perform in each and every one of your lives if you but trust in Him and bravely say “Yes!”

Purpose Driven Life – Day 17: A Place to Belong

By Pat Pagulayan

When I was (accidentally) chosen to be cell group leader, I was quite hesitant. If there is one thing I have learned from my past, it is that leadership brought out the worst in me, not just once, twice, or thrice, but a LOT of times. It was so bad and repetitive that I have been avoiding taking leadership roles for 10 years now. So when I was asked to lead cell group, all I could think of was “uh-oh, I can’t mess up this time, not with my spiritual family, not with StAY”.

And so I did what a confused and doubtful woman would do: I prayed about it. And in my prayer my Lord told me that whatever happens, He will walk with Me. And that was all I need to know.

As I look back at it now, I guess He was trying to tell me that this is not high school; this is my spiritual family, and thus, I should not be afraid. He provided me with the best place to overcome my doubts and fears, to change my ways under the guidance of the fellowship that we have. It is the classroom to learn how to get along with others (which I’m very poor at), to unlearn selfishness, to share the experiences of others, and to practice love. God has given me another opportunity to learn how to be a leader by first being a servant, to learn how to put myself last.

I feel so blessed and grateful to God that He introduced these people to my life. I am especially grateful to God for my spiritual mentor, who has re-introduced the Father into my life and still painstakingly walks with me in my journey. He has tolerated my qualms, bitterness, obsession, mood-swings, anger, immaturity, questions, doubts, craziness, and childish ways (among others). I still don’t know how he does it. God’s grace, he always tells me.

Honestly, I find myself very dependent on these people spiritually. It sometimes makes me feel sad because I feel so inadequate not being able to stand up with my own two feet. Some of them are even younger than me, but they are the ones who are guiding me. It makes me wish that I should have known God earlier in my life (instead of living in sin) so I would be more mature in my faith by now. But nothing is ever late in God’s time.

I was talking to one of my StAY sisters about how bluntly we can tell each other off and not take it in a bad way. Unlike my earthly friendships, when one of us goes against the other or tells another off, it’s definitely “friendship’s over”. Back then, it’s “either you’re with me or against me”. It just makes me laugh reminiscing how shallow my perception of friendship was.

With the spiritual family I have here, they are brutally honest with me, even to the point that I would feel very hurt and cry. But I know that they do it, not because they want to condemn me or put me down, but because they love me and they only want the best for me – to be the person that God wants me to be.

It is through these men and women that I feel God’s love for me (among His other ways).

Purpose Driven Life – Day 3: What Drives Your Life?

By Pat Pagulayan

“I want to be a health-buff, money-smart, independent woman.”

This is what I wrote more than a year ago on my “Self Improvement” file. I said to myself, this is going to be my purpose, my goal, my vision for myself. I was in the gym for probably more hours than what was considered healthy, took dance, combat, tennis classes, joined a business venture, travelled, and took up my Masters among other things. From an outsider’s point of view, I was living the life. But deep inside something was badly missing - I felt empty, I felt unsettled.

Then I started asking: I had a purpose and was successfully doing everything to achieve it, where can I possibly go wrong?

Well, obviously, as I eventually realised, it is because God was not in the picture.

In saying so, even if I would like to believe that now God is in the picture, living a purpose-driven life is not a straightforward thing. It doesn’t necessarily follow that once you focus your purpose on God, there will no longer be any confusion nor is it a guarantee that you will no longer feel empty. Primarily I think one way or the other, there are still other things that drives our life such as fear, need for approval, resentment, and guilt, and it is only through God’s constant help and love that we will be able to let the purpose that God has for us to drive our lives.