Breaking Free From Worrying

By Jean Cheng

For all the faith I supposedly possess,

I am a worry wart. 

I worry about every small thing,

And I can magnify them such that I not only scare myself but the people around me.

It is something I've always known,

But refused to confront because I was too afraid of giving this up.

Believe me,

Worrying - although insanely exhausting - disguises itself as a help.

For the longest time, 

I knew worrying is problematic but I thought I needed it to make sure I worked hard.

What I've come to realise is that I do work,

But I worry while I work,

Reducing my productivity to 50% or more because the fears can be overwhelming and distracting from the task.

I also continue to be with people, but I am 60% present because the remaining 40% is lost in my own head of worries of the things undone.

Not to mention the agitation, irritation, and impatience I inflict on myself and those around me.

This Lent, I've been praying to break free from my habit of worrying,

And to instead develop a faith like Abraham.

So here's a little sharing about how real God is, 

and how He hears and answers prayers, 

once again. =)

Just on Sat (3 days ago),

I was extremely slow on my thesis and could feel the punishing self-anger rising because my mind started to calculate the time that was running out. 

But this time, I wanted to love myself so I kept asking for the grace to forgive myself. 

I had planned to attend mass on sat evening but wanted to push it to Sunday to "make up" for lost productivity. 

Something in me gently said to surrender. 

So I forced myself to go for mass as planned and, 

by doing so, 

to surrender. 

At mass, I kept willing my mind to stop calculating time and to trust in God to do the impossible, 

and take care of me regardless of what happens. 

Slowly, I surrendered and stopped worrying.

This enabled me to be present to people that night too rather than lost in my own head of worries. 

This enabled me to rest that night.

On Sunday morning, I went straight for my thesis and cleared everything I thought I would take 8h to clear within 2h.
Yup.
God is such a show off. :P

So now on bad thesis days,
I will keep praying for the grace to re-surrender,
keep my on Jesus,
so I walk on water.
Praise God for these moments of growing in faith. :)

Thank you all for your continued prayers for this sister in Sister - they're activating God! :D