By Pat Pagulayan
"It’s not about you.”
Boom. That is the very first line
of the first paragraph of the first chapter for the first day of this 40-day
spiritual journey. And oh man, did it hit me hard.
Because I know I am selfish,
self-centred, egoistic, or whatever you may call it. It is the sin of the flesh
that haunts me and makes me question the motive of every single thing I do - yes,
even ministry. Am I really doing it for God? Or am I doing it for myself? It
sends shivers down my spine, even to admit that I have these questions in my
head. I can only hope in the Lord that He is continually changing my heart so
that I may decrease for Him and for others to increase.
I have never seriously thought
about what my purpose in this world is. Primarily because I have just been
focused on ME: to get a good job, be married by 27, provide grandchildren to my
parents, retire early, and live comfortably. All about self.
Until I came to a point where I
had that job, I had the perfect boyfriend, I was living
comfortably. Everything seemed perfect and on track! But I didn’t have God, and
without Him in one’s life, things will crumble, as I eventually and painfully
realised.
And so the self-centred me
resorted to self-help books (mind you, I bought 4 “rule” books in one go). But
as a great man of God made me realise, the ultimate rule book is God’s Rule
Book, the Owner’s Manual, the BIBLE. And so my journey began. A journey of
self-awareness, self-denial, and just being transformed by God to be the woman He
intended me to be.
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