By Pat Pagulayan
The part where Jacob wrestled with God is one of the events in the Patriarchs that I can relate the most. I feel like I am continually wrestling with God. And like what He did to Jacob, He just allows me to wrestle with Him, be angry with Him, complain, and rant to Him.
Looking back at it though, it was actually God who came to Jacob to wrestle with him, not Jacob starting the wrestle with God (Gen 32:24). It's like God intended to bring Jacob to a point of surrender. And it seems to me that every passing day, especially in those dark nights, God has been wrestling with me until I surrender to Him those deepest desires that I wrestle Him for. Like Jacob saying he will not let go of God until He gives him His blessing, here I am still fighting with God, not stopping until He gives me what I desire for. Stubborn indeed.
This reminds me of what Fritz said, "No more playing games with God". Here I am, trying to manipulate God (as if I can), fighting with Him until He gives me what I want. And as what Jacob's wrestling match have shown me, even if I think I'm winning, it is God who always wins. The wise move for me to take is to just submit to Him.
There's a part of me that longs for God to just "knock out my hip socket", no matter how painful it may seem, so that I can see Him as my only God, be dependent on Him, and surrender completely to Him. And as Jacob refused to let go of God despite a broken hip socket (which must have been very, very painful I must say!), I hope I’d always “strive” for Him, refusing to let Him go, and just desire Him alone, more and more each passing day.
The part where Jacob wrestled with God is one of the events in the Patriarchs that I can relate the most. I feel like I am continually wrestling with God. And like what He did to Jacob, He just allows me to wrestle with Him, be angry with Him, complain, and rant to Him.
Looking back at it though, it was actually God who came to Jacob to wrestle with him, not Jacob starting the wrestle with God (Gen 32:24). It's like God intended to bring Jacob to a point of surrender. And it seems to me that every passing day, especially in those dark nights, God has been wrestling with me until I surrender to Him those deepest desires that I wrestle Him for. Like Jacob saying he will not let go of God until He gives him His blessing, here I am still fighting with God, not stopping until He gives me what I desire for. Stubborn indeed.
This reminds me of what Fritz said, "No more playing games with God". Here I am, trying to manipulate God (as if I can), fighting with Him until He gives me what I want. And as what Jacob's wrestling match have shown me, even if I think I'm winning, it is God who always wins. The wise move for me to take is to just submit to Him.
There's a part of me that longs for God to just "knock out my hip socket", no matter how painful it may seem, so that I can see Him as my only God, be dependent on Him, and surrender completely to Him. And as Jacob refused to let go of God despite a broken hip socket (which must have been very, very painful I must say!), I hope I’d always “strive” for Him, refusing to let Him go, and just desire Him alone, more and more each passing day.
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