The Best of Me

by Mario WP

I’m not that good at writing and I usually write very long, so I’m actually not sure if it is a good idea for me to write this and put in the blog. However, a part of me keeps saying that it is not good for me to keep this to myself and there might be others who are struggling with similar issues as mine, so I decided I should just go ahead anyway and hopefully this post can be useful to someone. 

Here we go:

I remember years ago, when I first saw American Idol on TV, I prayed to God so I could sing like the contestants in that show (I was tone-deaf at that time and I hated my own singing). Same thing happened when I saw the people who were good at sports or those who were born genius or those born in rich families. I wasn’t happy with what I had at that time, and I wished God could somehow change me so I could become like others who I thought were more fortunate than me. Needless to say, none of that happened. Then these thoughts went on and on in my mind: “Has God never heard my prayer? Is it meaningless to ask from Him?” and after a while, I was getting used to think that God sometimes hears our prayers and sometimes doesn’t. 

But as I struggled to get closer to Him, I tried to think again of what I was praying before and I realized that this is what I actually asked: I wanted to be the other person. I wasn’t satisfied with myself, I didn’t feel I was special enough, I didn’t feel I was talented enough. I just wanted to be someone who was not myself.

I didn’t realize God couldn’t do that. Not because He didn’t have the power to, but simply because if He had granted my prayer, that’s the same as admitting that I wasn’t good enough, that I wasn’t made properly and I could do better if I was a different person. In short, He would have denied me my existence, had He done that. But He didn’t do that, because just like others, I was made of His own image. I was created fearfully and wonderfully, and although sometimes I wasn’t aware of that, He knows. God loves me just the way I am and He doesn’t want to make me a person I am not, and He doesn’t have a reason to, because He knows just how amazing He made me to be.

So now I look at my life again. I still can’t sing like those singers in American Idol, but I have grown to like my own voice and it’s good enough to praise God. I’m not fantastic at sports, but I’m fit enough to live my life without any problems. I’m not a genius, but I know what I need to know to live on my own. I’m not rich, but I can live every day without worrying about what I should eat tomorrow or where I’m going to sleep the next day, and I can even start to think of giving to others. He didn’t change me to a person I am not, but He brings the best of me. He believes in me, He knows what I can do, and He keeps guiding me to be what He plans me to be. By His grace, I am who I am today, which is still far from perfect, but slowly getting closer to the amazing person He created me to be: a person created of His own image.

So now I want to change my prayer. Not asking to be someone which is not me anymore, but to be the person He created me to be, to be the best of me. And for others who have the same problem as me, I pray that you can also be the best of yourself. Please don’t forget that we are fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14). We are blessed in our own ways and God loves us as ourselves. Amen.