Dealing With Difficult People

By Jean Cheng

26 Oct


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Ephesians 4:1-6

I, the prisoner in the Lord, implore you to lead a life worthy of your vocation. Bear with one another charitably, in complete selflessness, gentleness and patience. Do all you can to preserve the unity of the Spirit by the peace that binds you together. There is one Body, one Spirit, just as you were all called into one and the same hope when you were called. There is one Lord, one faith, one baptism, and one God who is Father of all, over all, through all and within all.


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Luke 12:54-59

Jesus said to the crowds, ‘When you see a cloud looming up in the west you say at once that rain is coming, and so it does. And when the wind is from the south you say it will be hot, and it is. Hypocrites! You know how to interpret the face of the earth and the sky. How is it you do not know how to interpret these times?

‘Why not judge for yourselves what is right? For example: when you go to court with your opponent, try to settle with him on the way, or he may drag you before the judge and the judge hand you over to the bailiff and the bailiff have you thrown into prison. I tell you, you will not get out till you have paid the very last penny.’


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Bear with one another charitably, in complete selflessness, gentleness and patience

Are there people you find difficult to be around? People who you wish would not be in your office, clique, church community, and for some, even family? People whom you cannot help but feel that they owe you so many apologies for the wrong they have done to you? People whom you cannot help but feel your heart cringe when you are around them?

There are some people like that in my life. These are the ones whom I cannot help but feel that my health would be so much better if they ceased to exist. Yet, I cannot make them disappear. When faced with such situations, I have learnt that the best thing to do is to do as Mother Mary often did: ponder and pray.

Ponder the reason why God has allowed you some individuals in your life. Are they really there to make your life hard or is it an opportunity for you to love not just those who are easy to love but also those who are difficult to? Ponder why God doesn’t give us ‘perfection’ in our social circles/families/work committees etc. Why are there always conflicts to resolve? Could it be that He wants to show us that we are bigger than the situations we are in? Specifically, we do not have to wait until situations are perfect before we act. We can still do something in the midst of the chaos. Perhaps He wants to show us how strong and resilient He has made us to be, that we are greater than the situations we find ourselves in.

While pondering, keep praying. On our own, we would most likely take the easy route and simply eliminate anything that disturbs us. However, if God took had our sinful mindsets, He would have destroyed us many times.  Yet, He continued to wait. He created us and knew the good that He had imprinted deep within us. No matter what we have done or what we will continue to do, that good deep within us remains. He waits because He knows that everything takes time to grow. Seeds take time to grow into trees. So too do we take time to grow in our goodness. So too will others take time to grow in their goodness. Pray so that we can see them as God sees us.

Jesus’ last prayer was, ‘I pray that they will all be one, just as You and I are one’ (John 17: 21). The best way we can love others is care for what they care about.  The best way we can love the One who loves us is to care about what He cares for – unity with our brothers and sisters. If we cannot “fall in love” with our these individuals immediately, let us start small. Just as a tree started as a seed, so too let us have faith that our small actions of not cursing another, not gossiping, not arguing back, being silent, praying for the other, and so forth, will continue to help us to grow in our ability to love. One way that I have found helpful in forgiving and continuing to love those who hurt me is to “accept the apology I never received”.

Perhaps God has allowed these people in our lives so that we truly grow in becoming more like our Creator and Father.

(Today’s OXYGEN by Jean Cheng)


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Prayer: Lord Jesus, I don’t like dealing with _______  (insert the name of someone you struggle with) in my life. But I know You love them as much as You love me. Help me to see that in loving them in my small ways, I am blessing You and loving You.

Thanksgiving: We give thanks to those who have patiently and at times painfully waited for us. In particular, I give thanks for my mum today.