When You Fail To Love, You Lose

By Jean Cheng

27 Oct


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Ephesians 4:7-16

Each one of us has been given his own share of grace, given as Christ allotted it. It was said that he would:

When he ascended to the height, he captured prisoners,
he gave gifts to men.

When it says, ‘he ascended’, what can it mean if not that he descended right down to the lower regions of the earth? The one who rose higher than all the heavens to fill all things is none other than the one who descended. And to some, his gift was that they should be apostles; to some, prophets; to some, evangelists; to some, pastors and teachers; so that the saints together make a unity in the work of service, building up the body of Christ. In this way we are all to come to unity in our faith and in our knowledge of the Son of God, until we become the perfect Man, fully mature with the fullness of Christ himself.

Then we shall not be children any longer, or tossed one way and another and carried along by every wind of doctrine, at the mercy of all the tricks men play and their cleverness in practising deceit. If we live by the truth and in love, we shall grow in all ways into Christ, who is the head by whom the whole body is fitted and joined together, every joint adding its own strength, for each separate part to work according to its function. So the body grows until it has built itself up, in love.


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Luke 13:1-9

Some people arrived and told Jesus about the Galileans whose blood Pilate had mingled with that of their sacrifices. At this he said to them, ‘Do you suppose these Galileans who suffered like that were greater sinners than any other Galileans? They were not, I tell you. No; but unless you repent you will all perish as they did. Or those eighteen on whom the tower at Siloam fell and killed them? Do you suppose that they were more guilty than all the other people living in Jerusalem? They were not, I tell you. No; but unless you repent you will all perish as they did.’

He told this parable: ‘A man had a fig tree planted in his vineyard, and he came looking for fruit on it but found none. He said to the man who looked after the vineyard, “Look here, for three years now I have been coming to look for fruit on this fig tree and finding none. Cut it down: why should it be taking up the ground?” “Sir,” the man replied “leave it one more year and give me time to dig round it and manure it: it may bear fruit next year; if not, then you can cut it down.”’


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It may bear fruit next year; if not, then you can cut it down

The verse above has and continues to scare me. I am often worried that I am not growing fast enough (not in height, those days are over) and therefore often beat myself up when I feel that I have fallen short, pushing myself more and more to grow. I engage in this vicious cycle until I find myself stressed, resentful, tired, and hopeless that I can never catch up and be “fast enough”. I do not think such impatience is what Jesus advocates. He is a God of love and love is patient. Jesus knows that a seed takes time to grow into a tree. He knows that a baby takes time to learn to walk and speak. We are often the ones who forget that we are still babies in so many areas of our lives and will take time to overcome old habits, learn new skills, etc.

Nevertheless, while love is patient and therefore allows the natural timing for growth to happen, ultimately, there must be growth. If there is no growth, the purpose for that particular entity is lost. What do we do with our laptops that no longer fulfill their purpose in letting us work on them or watch entertainment on them? What do we do when certain medications no longer produce the effect that they were made for? We let them go. “If the salt loses its saltiness, how can it be made salty again? It is no longer good for anything, except to be thrown out and trampled by men” (Matthew 5:13).

Everything must have a purpose behind its existence. Without this, they are pointless and redundant. What then is the purpose of our lives? I believe that the purpose of our lives is love. Specifically, the purpose of our lives is to know (and experience) the love of our Creator and Father, as well as to share this love with those around us.

The ways in which we are called to share that love differs from person to person. We are all called to pass the same message but in different ways: some as prophets, others as teachers; some as fathers, others as mothers; some as singles, others as spouses. We are not called to do everything and play every role to everyone. We are called to spread God’s love in the roles we have been assigned to. What we cannot do, God will assign someone else.

This then begs the question, how do we know what we have been assigned to? I believe that wherever we are in life is what we have been assigned to. If we are married, we are called to love in our marriage. If we are single, we are called to love and testify His love in our present singlehood. If we are a student, we are called to love in our diligence in studying. If we are a dancer, we are called to love through our dancing. In all that we do, in our present states in life, we are called to love all that we are doing. Whatever we fail to love, we are actually saying we do not want it in our lives, and our wishes might at times be regretfully answered.

So what is it that you love and do not want removed in your life? Pray for God to help you to love that right now, today, and every day. Remember as well that love is patient – so be gentle on yourself as you grow to love in that area of your life.

(Today’s OXYGEN by Jean Cheng)


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Prayer: Tell God what you do not want to lose and want to love better. For me, Lord, I do not want to lose the people I often take for granted (those who are most patient with me). I do not want to lose my analytical thinking and writing skills. Help me to work on loving all of these better and bear fruit. Amen.

Thanksgiving: Thank You Jesus for protecting us from ourselves by reminding us of the natural consequences of carrying on in particular ways.