Fill Me Again

By Jean Cheng

25 Oct


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Ephesians 3:14-21

This is what I pray, kneeling before the Father, from whom every family, whether spiritual or natural, takes its name:

Out of his infinite glory, may he give you the power through his Spirit for your hidden self to grow strong, so that Christ may live in your hearts through faith, and then, planted in love and built on love, you will with all the saints have strength to grasp the breadth and the length, the height and the depth; until, knowing the love of Christ, which is beyond all knowledge, you are filled with the utter fullness of God.

Glory be to him whose power, working in us, can do infinitely more than we can ask or imagine; glory be to him from generation to generation in the Church and in Christ Jesus for ever and ever. Amen.


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Luke 12:49-53

Jesus said to his disciples: ‘I have come to bring fire to the earth, and how I wish it were blazing already! There is a baptism I must still receive, and how great is my distress till it is over!

‘Do you suppose that I am here to bring peace on earth? No, I tell you, but rather division. For from now on a household of five will be divided: three against two and two against three; the father divided against the son, son against father, mother against daughter, daughter against mother, mother-in-law against daughter-in-law, daughter-in-law against mother-in-law.’


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Filled with utter fullness of God

In the recent weeks, I have felt quite distant from God. I have prayed every day; hence, it frustrated me that I continued to feel distant despite spending time with Him. Nevertheless, I was aware that each time I prayed, I would go through a whole list of desires and worries I had, asking God to help. I would then end the prayer and wait for God to show me that He is God by answering my prayers. I noticed, however, that even with one worry after another lifted, I would only be briefly relieved and happy, and then I would go onto worry and fret over the remaining items on my list, perhaps even adding a few more to the list.

The verse above grips me because to be filled in complete fullness and reverence of God is something I truly desire. Somehow whenever I have been filled completely by God, it no longer matters if my life goes through a crisis; all the pain and worries are nothing compared to the peace and joy I feel knowing that I have my God and He is enough for me. I am still able to dance, be happy, be excited about life, regardless of the situation. I no longer worry about what people think of me, if my work would lead me somewhere in life, or if people leave me. Of course, I do not wish such outcomes upon myself, but I know that even if they happen, I would still be happy because I have God.

How is it that I seem to have lost that? How is it that God is no longer enough for me? Why can I no longer surrender my desires to Him, allowing Him to take care of me in His way, in His time – independent of the outcome?

A friend of mine once took a cup, turned it upside down, and said that he wanted to be like the cup: empty so that he could be filled by God again. I find myself holding onto my cup of life, struggling to turn it upside down. I don’t want to lose the little I have inside. I still want to have certain outcomes in my life.

Yet I know that even if I had everything I wanted in life, I would not be happy. Nothing and nobody would be able to fill a gap in my heart – only God can. On the contrary, even if I never attain all that I desire in life, God can and will fill the gaps in those areas and allow me to still have a life that is complete, perfect, meaningful, and purposeful. I need to choose again – to relentlessly and compulsively gear my life in the direction of the outcomes I want, or to simply sit with Jesus and allow Him to mold my future with His loving hands.

(Today’s OXYGEN by Jean Cheng)


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Prayer: Jesus, I want to be filled by You completely again. I am scared but what would I be even if I had everything in life but did not have You? Take me home to you again, and help me to live for You alone.

Thanksgiving: Thank You Jesus for waiting for me. Thank You for loving me.